Day 22 Completed
No one can reach higher streak without placing ‘quitting PMO’ as number 1 Priority
Past pornographic memories and images have started to surface my mind. They are sort of automatic triggers without any dependency of external factors. They only appear when I try to focus on studies. These triggers are different. They mentally force me to think about relapsing. Their pressure is extraordinary. My willpower is challenged.
I have to apply equally opposite pressure and say NO!, I WON’T RELAPSE. I WON’T CLOSE MY BOOK AND I WON’T OPEN MY COMPUTER. These triggers are not constant for hours like yesterday, but they are in waves.
The only factor keeping my will to fight alive is my new decision:
’My number 1 priority is quitting PMO. I don’t care if I can’t focus on studies. I don’t care if I feel constantly pressurized by sexual desires and triggers. I won’t relapse even if I face worst withdrawals, even if I die, even if I fail my exams, even if I become the worst failure in the world, I won’t relapse. Nothing is worse than relapse’
Today I fought 2nd time with this new level of withdrawal. And I feel after every successful encounter with urges, I am getting stronger and more well equipped to defeat urges. Soon this will become a habit and won’t even need any willpower.