Really need help

Guys, I’m going through a real struggle right now. In my life, I’m trying to approach women but either I’m in deep social anxiety and fear that I cannot do it or when I do it, they reject me. What’s more, it’s been leading me to more loneliness and more wanting for sex. I nearly PMOed for the last five times and I had to fight it. Even if it meant hurting myself some my. I’m really f*cking struggling. And I’m going to admit, I’m thirsty, I just want to be intimate with a woman, and I want to kill this loneliness. Ever since my ex left me after 5 years, I’ve been on this steep cliff of a struggle. And I feel like I’m going to fall again. And I will not accept anymore failures from myself.

Do no fap
Do Yoga
Do Selfauthoring
Take cold shower
Develope a Passion für something
The rest will come!

No offense, friend, but that doesn’t really help. I already know all that. And I’m still struggling with it.

I don’t do online. I never get swiped dim going to be honest man, I don’t like taking rejections at all. It’s all failure to me and I hate it. And honestly it’s coming to the point of me not liking women since all they do is just hurt. I’ll believe there’s actually a good girl out there when I see and feel one. And I’m already trying to focus on what I want. Not keeping mind off failure is not easy you know. I hate it.

And that’s exactly my problem, man! I’m lonely, sexually frustrated and I can’t relieve myself! How am I supposed to not fap if that’s the one thing that’ll calm me down!? And yes, it does make me feel like crap and I don’t want that, but ***Dammit, I don’t know what to do!

I appreciate that, but I never learn from my mistakes. I only repeat them. Because I’m that much of an idiot or a failure. Say what you want, but I seriously and sincerely think that God has cursed me from ever succeeding or even attracting women. I’ll always fail and never learn from it. Even when I make the right decision I always fail. I’m just cursed to do the same thing over and over and over again.

Hm, have you thought about what woman you try to encounter?
In my own experience: for some time I tried to attract woman that I thought were attractive, but there was no sign whatsoever that there was a chance of them being interested in me.
Maybe you are just approaching the wrong women? As I said, just speaking out of my own experience. At some point, I waited for a signal, for something that showed me: this girl or this woman is interested in me to at least some extent, and that made me interested in them. It also lessened the chance of failure I guess

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Huh? I’m not understanding you.

I wouldn’t know anything about that. I just approach women that I find attractive and try to spark a convo. The thing is that they’re all supposedly taken. I just feel cursed that I’ll always be single. And no, no woman has ever given me a sign on anything. What’s frustrating is that aparently women are so subtle that I miss every sign that they throw out which just pisses me off… And honestly makes me spiteful of them.

Maybe that’s a thing you can work on. If you just randomly talk to women you find attractive, your chances of making them interested in you is not very high, unless you are Mister Perfect and what not. And even then, they won’t think “hey that’s a cool guy, let’s get intimate with him”. That’s not how real life works. That’s how a cheap Hollywood romance works.
So trying to improve your “method of selection” or so to say might be a thing to try?
(But hell, easier said than done, I know)

  1. Stop the negative self Talk.
  2. Be happy, that is attractive (and yes, happieness is a Choice in part)
  3. Be happy about your self if you had the guts to approach, don’t mind if she response positiv or negative. You aprroached and that counts!

After a six years relationship i said i would at least ask one girl for her phone Number each Time i went out. I failed often but was proud of me Non the less! Because there is only one way. Forward!!!

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Hell, man, you speak the truth. **Dammit. I mean i know what you’re saying but… fck. Nothing in life is easy, is it?

I wouldn’t know how to stop the self talk, I wouldn’t know how to be happy since I’m always focuses on getting what I want, and sure, I had the guts to approaches but nothing changed.

Let’s face it I’m a loser and everyone who knows me on this NoFap App knows it. Even women know it. That’s the only reason why I watched porn, to which I’m still struggling to avoid and slowly failing ever second, because I’m so lonely depressed and a f*cking loser. I don’t know how to be happy anymore. There is no forward. I’m only on replay. I have no choice. Everything is predetermined for me.

Hey man, I’m sorry for bad English. I’m Brazilian and I’m using Google Translate to talk to you.

I identified with everything you said, the hopelessness of women, the difficulty in dealing with rejection, the fear of a lonely future …

Well, I’m graduating in psychology in a couple of weeks and during the entire graduation period it bothered me about my difficulty with women. I studied PUA’s methods for a long time, relied on alcohol for false confidence, had sex with some prostitutes, and tried to approach women at parties with very little success.

In the last 6 years, I managed to stay with some girls, I lost my virginity and I was able to date a girl for 3 months, which for me was quite a feat.

The point I want to get is this: I am still the same person as before, I have to deal with my “social anxiety” with bad thoughts and emotions, with fear, loneliness and everything that comes in the package. However, something subtle has happened and I may not be able to convey in a few lines.

I entered a very intense process of self-knowledge from 2015 to here, and discovered some tools that helped me a lot. I have been practicing Mindfulness meditation regularly since last year and it has made a lot of difference in my life. When you create an awareness-raising routine, you allow your awareness to more easily capture patterns of behavior that you have been repeating throughout your life, including recurring thoughts and emotions, preventing everything from turning into a snowball. This is a key point for any change and I understand it as true freedom. We are not free from our conditioning, but we are free about how we will react to them, depending on our degree of awareness.

Another thing that was fundamental to me was the knowledge of a tool called the Enneagram, a map of human personalities, underestimated by the academic psychology of the faculties but which helped me to understand myself more than anything else, the formation of personality in childhood, the repetitive patterns of behavior and the role of my parents in this whole story.

I relate to No-Fap, I think it’s an important move, but the crucial one, in my opinion, is to stop seeing pornography. The way the female is portrayed, the excess of stimuli … all this helps create anxiety and an unrealistic model of women.

Well, I hope it helped somehow. Take responsibility for your own life. Big hug!

Thanks man, I really appreciate it and i get pretty much what you are saying. It just drives me crazy because I get on these serious mood swings and when I get on the low end, I got insane with depression. I’m really trying not to focus on women and instead focus in on myself. It’s just really hard when it seems like everyone around you is with someone and you’re single, on your own. It’s been really tough for me. Especially with I have. Im still trying to approach women and still failing. I’ll probably fail for the rest of my life but that’s still not going to stop me from trying, honestly. As for the meditation, I need to go back to yoga and do that. It’s just tough when the schedule is filled up and when your house is under construction. But hopefully better times and women are ahead… hopefully.

I don’t know if you’ll understand this so I guess I’ll use Google translate too. Lol.

Obrigado, eu realmente aprecio e eu entendo o que você está dizendo. Isso só me deixa louco porque eu adoro esses transtornos de humor sério e, quando chego na extremidade baixa, fiquei louco com a depressão. Eu realmente estou tentando não me concentrar nas mulheres e, em vez disso, me concentrar em mim mesmo. É realmente difícil quando parece que todos a sua volta estão com alguém e você está solteiro, por sua conta. Foi muito difícil para mim. Especialmente com o que tenho. Ainda estou tentando me aproximar das mulheres e ainda falhando. Provavelmente falharei para o resto da minha vida, mas isso ainda não vai me impedir de tentar, honestamente. Quanto à meditação, eu preciso voltar para yoga e fazer isso. É difícil quando o cronograma está preenchido e quando sua casa está em construção. Mas espero que melhores tempos e mulheres estejam à frente … espero.

Eu não sei se você vai entender isso, então eu acho que vou usar o Google traduzir também. Ri muito.

Mais tarde, meu amigo. Obrigado.

Of course, I understand you. I’m in the same situation as you, man, so I’ve identified so much with your post. I am 27 years old, finishing college, I am still single and I go through the same difficulties. For the past 3 weekends, I went to some parties and I could not get close to a single woman! I always get frustrated, but what else can I do? Give up? Sometimes I also have the feeling of being cursed, but that does not exist. What exists is the delightful feeling of taking responsibility for one’s own existence, and I know that courage will come, even if it takes time to come.

Lastly, I do not think you’re a loser. Reading your post was like an inspiration to me, to know that there are other people going through situations similar to mine. (And you have the courage to approach the girls, I still have difficulty with that!) I advise you to seek some psychological help, it helped me a lot!

That’s it, now you have a friend from Brazil cheering for you! Big hug!

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