Radio's Diary: Road to 1 year PMO clean

Well I have thought about doing a diary for a while now, but never did it so here it goes… On second thought I’ll write something down in a few hours. :joy:

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Day 234:

I’ve been having fantasies about porn and such. The fantasies feel like eating junk food on a diet. So good, but so wrong at the same time! This feeling of good and bad rushes over me. It feels like drinking/eating some thing with caffeine (I don’t drink coffee anymore) in it, yet it also gives me this feeling of pain in my soul.

I know I can’t give in for a whole lot of reasons, but the most important reason and the main reason I’m doing nofap is that it’s a sin. It gives me this dull pain when I know I sinned against my Lord and Savior.

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Just came in here to say that I love that cat profile pic

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I’m with you on this. According to the Bible it’s a sin against your own body. Imagine hurting yourself deliberately. That always reminds me the fight is worth it. :point_left:

@copper_bronze I totally agree! I wouldn’t be doing nofap for any other reason then to live for my Lord and Savior.

Thanks, @Taher It’s actually a picture from one of my favorite video game franchises (Fallout)

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Day: 238 I’ve been reading this sample book called, " Every young man’s battle" and the one time I was about to read some more of it. I clicked the play books app and this revealing photo of a sample book that I didn’t sample was in my sample list and I stopped for a second, thinking why did this happen? did I sample this book and forget? Then I snapped back to reality and remembered that I didn’t do it and that also I couldn’t have done it (because I worked 12 hours)

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Day 243:

I’ve half-heartedly been fighting thinking about fantasies, but I’m going to try harder now. I’m a little anxious because I don’t know what career I want to do, but what I do know is that this addiction doesn’t make it easier so I’ll keep fighting this thing. (PS I’m having super annoying stomach cramps as I write this, so if I wrote something wrong please forgive me)

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I own “Every Man’s Battle” and have read it atleast twice. It’s a good book during nofap. We have a book reseller here called Half Price Books that sells this kind of book for like $7. It’s a book you can read more than once. Good choice.

Day 248:

I’ve been having flashes of sexual thoughts and regular thoughts too. They’re not even a full thought. I think I need to get my goals in life in line and find the pain in my life that I medicate with PMO.

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You are facing the sexual thoughts same as a normal beginner faces in the starting days of nofap. What’s the difference between a 3 day and a day 238 nofapper?
P.s I can’t pass day 3 …always end up relapsing😶 and here you are in your 200+ days. M just curious

The big difference is that I usually get weak urges, but a beginner gets urges that make you want to rip your hair out. Plus when I was around months 3-4 I hit this rough patch that I felt like nothing in life mattered.

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Are you on hard mode bro ?

Yes I’m on hard mode. The only time I have see porn sense my last relapse was when I was looking for a way to fix my lag on my video game and I clicked a website without reading the url, but I left that website as soon as I relized that it was a porn website

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I am on 25th day of hard mode. Any advice for me ?

Truthful one good piece of advice would be to find what you’re medicating with PMO

Meditating = ? …
Confused about its meaning here !

Oops, I meant to said medicating

No Medicating in my case.
The intense pleasure of Orgasm was the reason behind my fapping addiction & The reason why i am doing nofap is because i believe there is 1000 times more pleasure in living without orgasm

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Day 255:

I’ve been thinking. Last year I was talking to this one girl that I liked. I made some lame excuses so that we’d talk every day. She’s one of those types of people that don’t realize that they come off as a little flirty(I also miss read her being super nice as her liking me) . I found out that she had a boyfriend, it turns out that she got back together with her boyfriend that she broke up with. I told her the truth. I told her that I liked her, but that I didn’t feel comfortable talking to her because of her boyfriend (she didn’t know that I liked her until I told her).

Thinking back on it. I think it was a good thing that she didn’t like me. I don’t want to hurt my future wife. So why would I try to look for a girlfriend if I know I need to improve my self first.

Fudge this is a bit too repeatable :sob:
And man it’s okay to like someone and if it was mutual then great right?

I just think we should all be in the moment at times the ‘future wife’ is in the future you know , she could have been the one as well and I don’t think past relationships would hurt people cause how would you know someone is the one until you try it. This is coming from someone that rejects people all the time :joy:

It’s good that you’re planning on bettering yourself 1st, that’s what I’m also doing and hopefully the right one will come along.