Radio's diary: I'm sorry

Day 9:

  • I did some spanish
  • i finished my coding lesson i was stuck on

Things I need to do

*Stop putting pressure on myslef to do perfect in everything I do
*Don’t worry if my streams have been kinda boring lately
*Take each and stream one at a time, try to make each a little better than the last
*Try to enjoy playing games and have fun talking about random garbage

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Day 10:

  • I did some spanish

Not much else, chill weekend so far

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Day 11:

+I did some Spanish


I went to my little cousin birthday at a bowling alley. It had been awhile since I had seen a lot of my family, loads of them were their. It was pretty fun (for a bowling alley, I’m not mich or a bowling)


I need to stop saying a “I did aome Spanish” or “I did a coding lesson” because they aren’t chores. Because when i talk about them that way I feel pressure to do them every day, but not learn and have fun but to keep a streak going. I need to change my mindset a bit

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Day 12:

It was a good day! I talked to an online friend, and he said about how sometimes he feels a bit depressed and I encouraged him to not bottle up his feelings and to talk to some one about it

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Day 13 and Day 14: I forgot what really did yesterday :sweat_smile:


  • Today I worked out
  • Checked in on a friend

Note to self: Write on here before I am too tired to remember what I did today in the day :upside_down_face:

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Day 16:
I forgot to post yesterday LUL
I changed the time I stream at(I stream on twitch). I was getting really depressed streaming in mornings, but I love streaming in the evenings.

I would always get upset with myself if I didn’t finished my coding lesson and some spanish before stream so morning streams gave me loads of anxiety, and loads of anxiety is what leads to relapses for me.

I’m stil trying to remind myself that even if win or lose doesn’t matter the only things that matter are, trying my best and the willingness to learn from my mistakes.

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Yes brother :pray: I think we all focus more on instant results than focusing on the journey or as u said learning

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Day 18:

So I was listening to Godzilla’s theme and than I starting listening to some anime music and I remembered why I choice to learn Spanish and to code in the first place. All these things seem unrelated but they aren’t as they seem. You see I’m dyslexic and I choice to learn Spanish and I want to learn to code because I want to make something to help other people that feel like they can’t do something or are struggling, because that is what I always felt like. And I choice to learn Spanish because it is extra hard for me because of my dyslexia, because I have had very low self-esteem for awhile. I’d say my self-esteem problems come from these three things.

  • I felt dumb as a child because of being dyslexic

  • I’m one of the middle children in my family and sometimes I feel forgotten

  • and the previous two examples played a part into why I fell into this addiction in the first place (So the 3rd one is pmo in general to clarify)

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Day 27:
So I have been trying to watch the second season of One Punch Man and I couldn’t watch it on Netflix so I have had to watch it on a different site. I have been only been watching it on my pc which has a cloudflare DNS on it, but I wanted to watch it on my phone (which I don’t have the DNS thing on it) and …yeah I accidentally saw some porn. But I clicked off of it as soon as a could…I’ll type more about this later

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Bro I felt like a deer in the headlights for that spit second. All this fear and guilt hit me like a ton of bricks. I know it was an accident and it wasn’t my fault so I won’t count it as a relapse but yet the guilt still persist

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good bro u might know it but do not do edging and never do it especially when u are on flatline(i guess?)

Thank you for the advice! Yeah edging is really bad! It just leads to guilt, which leads to a relapse.

Thankfully I haven’t done that. I just saw a porn ad on a sketchy site. I unknowingly saw it

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Hey man I just saw your posts. Tell me so you do twitch streaming. How is that coming along man?

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Not too bad, I haven’t been posting on here because the app was glitched out for me oof. I’m not really famous or anyone I just like have a good time gaming. Are you into any games yourself?

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Yeah I am Actually! Like fallout, jump force, and I want to get Detroit become human as well eventually. I’m in 5 days streak and feel way better now !

This is so hard to write! Half of me wants to just looks at porn right now and the othe half knows better than that.

I want to say that I’m sorry, I lost sight of the fact that this is a good place for accountability for me and for others.

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I can’t really think of anything to write down today so I’ll just write the Bible verse I read almost everyday (I should read it everyday)

So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:7‭-‬10

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I feel really bad because I was looking at someone’s twitter profile that I knew did onlyfans. I I could have seen something. When I clicked on a post I looked away very quickly but I think I didn’t see any nudity anyway. I still feel bad about it but I do feel good about the fact that I choice to stop trying to search for explicit stuff…idk how i really feel

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Day 0: I need to be brutally honestly with myself and to not hold back on what I write in this diary.
I also need to write in here daily in the
evening.

I let loads of sexual thoughts stay in my mind for days.

I also was looking on twitter and a video game mod website that lots of people post their character in very suggestive ways ( I need to stop going on both these sites(I should only go on twitter if I need to look at some specific account that I follow))

Note: If I start to look at something sexual, need to just stop. I normally, like most people am like ‘I pretty much already relapsed so why not look at some porn?’

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Day 0: I often think about how many things I want to get finished and it makes me nervous and then I can’t do any of it and I end up just thinking about pmo and then I end up pmoing in the end.

I need to just take my life one day at a time. It is the only way to break the cycle

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