Radio's diary: Él ESTÁ VIVO

Day 0: I’m going to try to stop drinking alcohol, makes it harder to think clearly even just a beer or two makes me stop thinking as clearly as normal and I need all my senses to fight this battle. I need to start meditation and praying more to reduce stress, because stress is my number 1# reason i relapse


Day 0: I binge relapsed a few times after my last post, it really sucks! I have been self hating myself from even before I was addicted to this junk (and I fell into this trap over 10 years ago, when I was like 12 or 13)

I need to find a way to forgive myself for a lot of things that I blame myself for.

1: I told myself many times that x year or x day was the last time I was going to relapses

2: I told myself I’d get over this addiction before I turned 20 (I’m 23 now)

Imma write more, if I think of some more

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Day 19:
I wish I could say I feel better now that I got to this streak, but I don’t I frankly I don’t really feel anything at all unless it is pain. And even that feels numb. The only thing that makes me feel better is reading my Bible/listening to it. Yet I don’t do that till I go to bed. I need to push myself to do that in the morning so I can start off my day right

Hey! I’m at day 20 myself. I’m a 30 year old man for reference.

I just wanted to root for you and encourage you and build you up. We’re basically on the same day. Stay strong keep leaning on God.

I want to share a couple things I’ve been learning and I haven’t heard this be said much within the sphere of pursuing purity and living as a righteous man of God.

To share a little bit about me. I had a year or so of no issues and it was really easy this was 4 or 5 years ago. There’s a lot to that so I don’t want to make a giant wall of text. But eventually I fell back into looking at porn and masturbating. And I struggled for a long while and had varying degrees of success.

Fast forward, I’m coming out of the hardest season I’ve ever been in and God’s been with me in it a ton. I’ve grown and learned a lot.

First thing I want to share that helped me a ton at the start of that year long stride of purity was Psalm 51. I commitwd pray that psalm out loud every day or 2 weeks if I remember correctly and I did that. I always go back to “Create in me a clean heart. Renew in me a steadfast spirit.” Notice was David doesn’t say. He doesn’t say I’m sorry 500 times and please forgive me, etc. Read verse 13 specifically. He’s thinking about how to help others too. Right after a heavy fall and sin. That’s how he’s talking and praying to God.

I’ve seen and heard mindsets surrounding trying to become more pure or live a life without masturbation. This is challenging but it’s something that seems to have helped me. So pray about this yourself and don’t take my word for it. This is new to me.

The second thing two sided. It seems like everyone mostly gets the first side. Which is wanting to be made pure and eliminating sin from your life. The second side is one I haven’t heard much of, which is, in my eyes a form of honoring. God designed us with sex in mind. We were designed to feel sexual pleasure and orgasm in a right context. So, it coming against shame with that. I think it’s an easy thing to fall into where you’re sinning and you don’t want to sin and you try to adopt a mindset where you go masturbation and porn are bad. And one thing that seems to happen with that is your mind translates that to sexual pleasure and desire and orgasm being sinful as well.

I think that’s false. Wanting pleasure isn’t inherently sinful. It’s the lustful thoughts, it’s coveting something you don’t have or can’t have in its right context yet, it’s wanting our way over God’s way. That’s the sinful part, not the very natural desire to want sexual pleasure. I’ve found for myself, shaming those natural desires and and labeling the whole package as sinful isn’t helpful.

For me, I don’t want to enter a relationship that leads to marriage with having a mindset or belief that sexual pleasure is bad. I don’t want to have sex for the first time and feel shame. I want to view it rightly as God intended and be thankful for those desires, but to give them to the Lord and not act on them.

I feel like there’s more I could say but this is really long. Anyway, praying for grace for you, Radio!

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Same thing happened to me. I got to over a year or something then fell once again. IT’S CRAZY! Like all the stuff you said I went through that too! The hating sexual pleasure for some time especially. But I have been seeking God not as a way to get free from this sin for myself but rather to be closer to him (which in turn makes me sin less). I wish I had seen your message months ago but I got a new phone and it was an Iphone instead of android so I had a hard time getting on the app

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