Rab's diary ,[22 M]

Diary
61

Day 26 done, day 27 on going

9 days ago, and today, i had wet dreams, that sucks :confused:

I’m stressed cause if university, Had alot of assingments this week and still have 2 more for today and tomorrow, and 80+ hours to watch to catch up.

Anyway, I’m going much better than before no fap, i woke up with strong headacke, ate a soup and going back to bed, this is gonna great wednesday in bed. Like if i had time to spare

I’m very tired today cant focus , I need to figure out how last night’s wet dream made me feel, what is causing it, and how to do better in the futur.
For now will lay in bed, until i feel better.

Last week i slept 4-6hours daily, didnt do sport at all, I cant commit to anything, thats just how life is , got too much to do

Good luck all,

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62

Day 27

Woke up at 3am on a phone call, looks like I’m smart when I’m asleep, slept right after,woke up at 5am wetdreams, took a shower sat a little talked to a friend, and slept right after, was tired ,got headack, woke up again at 11 still have strong headacke , made a soup, ate and watched an episod, aaaand went back to sleep, woke up at 3 pm, made louch , ate, played piano a little bit, went to see a friend to give back a book, and slept right after, at 8am woke up on a phone call, had zoom meeting, after that my friend brought me some food, so i had first dinner at 9:30, went for a walk with my friend, had icecream , now im back to my aparent had second dinner , and here we are

VERY PRODUCTIVE DAY i still have headacke, a bit better now.

When I’m doing something busy, or Im with someone, I feel good/better, but when I’m doing something alone, I’m upset .
I feel like when i do good at one thing i miss up at another, even thought there is no reason for that, it all goes back to the subconscious built in settings , it takes time to really change.

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You can play piano :open_mouth:?!

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Sure ,hahahaha

Doesn’t everyone here :stuck_out_tongue:
:smile:

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I though the paragraph i wrote was short.
Turned out I’m right,alot of typos , missed few litters in every word lol

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I wont be reading other diaries, it gets me horny. sorry

Not related to no fap:

I reach a state where i cant control my mind anymore, it start calculations and remembering old calculations i saw in some lecture, and re do all the peocess in my mind. at this state i can’t stop thinking and calculating, I cant think of somdthing else, or do anything else, like im disable for the moment. it happened before, and always at night ,while sleeping , like my mind over loading. it bothers me alot, not comfortable.

So is there such a thing?, is it normal ?, should i be worried?. tonight was the strongest state, was prety hard to snap out of it, I can’t close my eyes or I might go back to overloading data shit.

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Brother I can relate to what you are saying, by reading other diaries and posts it gets me horny and my brain wants to check it out, but at the same time many diaries and posts have given immense boost and motivation after reading it.
Like I spend some 30 to 40 minutes reading the whole thing, sure temptations and lustful thoughts, feeling of horniness arises, but you learn to control them if you are continuing with the read.

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I can relate too. Makes me horny and think that pmo is “normal” because everybody does it. Also I think you should be able to stop pmo for yourself without help. Nopmo = selfrespect!

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Indeed ,its self respect

With all the challanges we face, I used to resort to pmo.
My life style is prety busy and stressed all the time, I want this shit to end, always in the run. I still feel like masturbating when I’m stressed, I know its not the answer ,but it feels like it. Tricky

The last 30 hours I slept 24 hours, and I’m still tired as hell, got work then must do homework, idk how I’m gonna do it, finish something just to start another. Like I’m always walking always progressing slowly, but still feels I’m never gonna reach a destination. I’m a bunch of nigative energy, so I appologize for that to all of you.

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Respect your negative energy. We humans aren’t made to be happy and if you allow yourself to experience negativity your cool :slight_smile:

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Day 29 ,still no relapse, and no urges

Will I end up alone,
am i even chasing the right future, will anything be worth it at the end

I’m sorry

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U can’t do anything wrong with nopmo though

73

Day 31 sunday

Woke up at 8am, sat with family a bit, prpared my self for the mass, at 9 left for the mass, Wasn’t feeling good, but the mass fixes all, i met there a friend after, played pingpong for an hour :stuck_out_tongue: and went back home, helped my uncle cleaning the streets, at 12:00 had lunch ,(first meal for the day), then started working on an asignment , later my grandomther and my aunt came to visit, i sat with them a little ,had icecream, then played piano along side my brother and my father, each on his instrument, at 15:00-18:30, continued studying , then played with magnits to do some funy patent for the toilet seat , now (7pm) will have first dinner, ,

i need to finish 2 hourse lecrure, prepare my things (tomorrow going to back to dorms) ,do something on the computer for my dad, and plan my next day.

Guys, we are weak, we cant achieve anything, if you relly on your power, then poor you. We get overwhelmed, stressed, depressed, (thinking " I had enough, when will this shit be over, I cant handle all that, or any of that"), well guys, don’t relly on your powers, on your energy, abilities, relly on god’s power.

you’re not alone, hand your conserns to jesus and marry, ask them for help for clearance and they will help, relly on them :slight_smile:

Good luck guys,
You dont have to deal with anything alone.

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Happy that you had a good day, Rab : )

I think you’re finding the best resources to improve your jorney. While I read your post, good images and music come to my mind.

I wish you a very good night as well.

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Day 32,

Was difficult morning, I was at the bus for 4 hours, and I was attracted to one of the passengers, I barely looked at the face , but still … I controled my self ,
Then got back to dorms, nothing can get me ti study nothing :confused:
Studied 2 hours only, at night had dinner with some friends and slept at 10pm.

Woke up at 5 am, had breakfast , got bored, distracted, ended up sleeping from 6am to 9 am cause im suck .

I’m doing better at no PMO, but I’m failing to grow positive habbits. I have a problem lately I cant wake up without a coffee, the other day i slept 20 hours deeply, thats a red light

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Keeping go bro
It has to get worse before it gets better
Slowly you will pick up these habits u wish for

Everyday you grow without even knowing remember that
U aren’t at a stand still u are rebuilding and growing everyday

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2 days ago i slept early, and yesterday I woke up early ,like 4:30 am. (4/5/21)
Was tuff boring and depressing morning, even though i slept 7 hours, I had decided to take first 2 hours for my self everyday. Yet It was one of the worst mornings i had, I ended up wasting 6 hours, I wanted to give up everything i worked on in my life, I wasn’t horny, yet i wanted to masturbate watch porn so much, just to end this fight, I’m tired of fighting my self on everything, not just pmo,
My partner was waiting for me, so at 11:30, I went to the campus, finished my lab at 11:30pm,
Got home was tired, had dinner, bath, and slept
Didn’t relapse

I have 2 things in mind to choose between or mix between. The purpose is to add some life to my lonely depressed life, in hopes to change that and get some light inside.
Morning routine
• remember my loved ones, specially the young and the yet to come little ones ,read the bible and pray , then get a breakfast
• didicate first 2 hours of the day to contribute to the surrounding comunity, either help someone personally or general thing.

I meant to add a reason for me to wake up, studying isn’t a reason, its shallow, do something for myself isn’t good enough, still shallow, specially when I am alone. Serve god or someone else is totally worth it, and spiritually will be gaining alot.

Hopefully this is not one of those ideas that i dont follow up with.

Good luck guys

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Great idea for an morning routine (unlike all these other morning routines you find in the internet xd) :slight_smile:

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Good idea, Rab! I agree with @Anon4Lulz : )

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Day 35 ,7.5.21
Was happy day, didn’t study a thing, was all fun happy day, had to work 4 hours, but thats fun as well, went to the pool, to the gyme ,watched some stuff, small urges nothing serious

Day 36 - relapsed
I woke up at 5 am, need to prepare my things , going home, went to the toilet, didn’t think much, just relapsed, as everyone said, its not worth it, u think you’re at the bottum and there’s no more to lose, well, there is always more to lose :confused:
It feels sucks, I failed god and myself yet again
Not a minut before i relapsed I prayed, to conquer my urges, , well… I failed, at least Im good at failing my self :confused:*

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