Rab's diary ,[22 M]

Diary
31

Day 17 just starred , time is 11:16 pm

  • this is the longest streak for me, I never had a company, like in years, i guess that what makes it posible
    , I guess at this point we should all agree, u can’t and u shouldn’t fight PMO, ignore it get busy, get better in life chase a goal,dream, and thats the only way to over come this obstacle.

The plan is obvious , I get horny specialy when im bored (studying -_-’ ) ,maybe when i counter some horny people, other than that its posible.
To overcome this obstacle you need to defeat lonliness, sadness, fears. Make friend, open up to them, dont live alone , dont face anything alone , cause u dont have to. I’m pretty sure the time i feel alone again, i wont survive few days before I relapse again.

Fighting PMO is fighting all bad feelings, all bad vibes, with the help of family and friends.

My days all allright, I have alot of study to do, 7 days a week isn’t enough i need to add 2 days let it be 9 days a week, I have responsiblities toward my university , work and where I volunteer, and my family, and last toward my self (should take care of myself , sometimes :stuck_out_tongue: ).
I schedule my days, never finish my schedule i do half of it, and then wonder. I dont have a goal in life or at least it got nothing to do with my subject (electrical engineering) but need to work and plan for good payment if u want to live well. I have no motivation nothing to wake me up , nothing to push me to study. I’m trying to listen to some music when i feel tired or have no motivation, it helps alot… I’m still lost in life, just like the rest of you, trying to find a way to live .

Good luck guys, I’m available if anyone need anything,

3 Likes
32

Still Day 17

At 3am, i woke up terrified, i had wet dream, and worst I had A dream about me raping 2 close people,
Thats a nightmare for me, last thing I want is that my darkness to reach my people,
I hate My self for it, thats one reason why I want and I need to be pure, these thiughts are my biggest regret, get me depressed knowing the monster I am, I feed on people’s light .
I don’t want to live a life where i can’t be pure, and I won’t live a life like that, me hurting people is my end line. I need help :confused:

sexualy abusing people is like killing their soul. I know how it feels for both sides.
I keep hearing from people, chanell the energy How is that, and what do u mean by that,I’ve been trying for years… and my dreams just confirms how dark I am , how terrible I am :frowning:

I’m the same person that would give up his life , dedicate his life , to help others… Can shield others from the world’s darkness, but I dont know how long I can keep them away from mine.

I’m lost,

3 Likes
33

Day 18
I did nothing all day , the little accident last night ruined my day. I’m 21 years old baby cries and complain for hours before trying again. I’m weak, looking on how i reacted the whole day, thats an attidude of someone gave up, thinking too much about what happened not how to move on.

I didnt follow my schedule, I didn’t study a bit, i did though sleep just 6 hours, swim, go to the gym , and take a walk.

Some stuff we cant fight, we cant control
So just move on, run run , keep runing forward.

Good luck guys :slight_smile:

For all my friends, sorry for being such idiot baby.

3 Likes
34

Hey, similar problems for me. How are you planning on getting help? See a therapist?
I relapsed :frowning: and I’m tired of my own sexuality and afraid of the darkness.

Concerning wet dreams: It might be best to try to not sleep on your belly (if that’s what you did).

Please be compassionate with yourself. Purity is unattainable, since we both already got into PM’ing. We can only recover, but we’ll probably stay addicts forever :confused:
Only time will heal our wounds and any relapse will set this time to zero again…

I’ll start again. Today. I’m going to make a new diary. I’m having the vision of myself without PM’ing 3 years from now…

Be kind to yourself :slight_smile:

3 Likes
35

Bro, we must chase purity , we got to believe we can,

But the answer isn’t in fighting the dark, but strengthening the light

2 Likes
36

I’m going to :sob:

1 Like
37

Day 19, still no fap no porn ,

About life, still driving my self to a posible crises, I have responsibilities, i have dead lines, and yet can’t do any of that, (focus 5 hours a day - not even every day) wont do a thing. how do people decide something and commite to their decissions, plans, !?

Anyway, I thought of something the other day, part of the trueth:
Rab gave up at one point , and unconsiously I’m still giving up, even though i dont announce that every day, but deep “I guess”, I did give up. Which brings me to the next thing, trying to explain my nehavior, I drag my self to the bottum,Hoping to reach the very end where there is no where to fall more, like thinking , let me take all the hits already, but spare me after that, hitting the bottum means , there is only up from now on,but guess what guys, thats fool strategy , becuase this bottum ahve no end.

Another thing crossed my mind, I only react , move, when things get really stressed, bad, risky , like when my back is backed into the wall. part of the trueth, i want to move but idk how, so ironically , subconciously , i make things worst for my self, cause thats the only fuel i knew for years that can move my car.

Changing stuff on the subconcious , is like chnaging the settings on a device, where u are the device your self.

Thanks for reading

3 Likes
38

What is the “potential crisis”?
And what about the exam you were taking? :slight_smile:
Very interesting read but I’m in not position to be able to help you :confused:

39

So rab to undersatnd your thoughts you have now 3 things
No fap no porn
Confused
You give up …

If I understand you Right … so
To commit with nofap is a great thing for 19 days that means that you don’t give up …

Don’t be afraid … stop feeling doubt about anything ( yourself , your goals )

This is a very good to not fapping and not giving up man …

About planning there many videos on youtube I didn’t suggest for you because you have to search and to move on step by step …
Planning is not working many times with me but I know what I want to do and this is thanks to the many hardships that have happened to me including my holding that there is no Fab …
Stop confused you are ok man

Don’t skimp on yourself and believe that you are well and you will go great on your journey .

4 Likes
40

Thanks man, I’ll rise above all that, I’ll do my best, eventually I’ll find a way to over come every obstacle.
I feel up anf down all the way , but thats part of the procces to be better. Thanks man :slight_smile:

2 Likes
41

I am a girl rab … without sorry I understand if you will not be comfort to talk with me I will understand … but I have to explain and to be clear …
It’s ok to say man after that like a joke I have no a problem .

Stay expressing and strong , I am sure you will do serious steps about manage your life

4 Likes
42

We need more people like you in the world!:handshake:

4 Likes
43

Dude we need more people like you!! :laughing::laughing:

4 Likes
44

like you mate!! :joy: :joy: .

1 Like
45

Day 20 on going :slight_smile:

Still no fap no ■■■■, although I feel I’m seeking for attention, I told my friend I want to work as a teacher or as a strip dancer , i like for people to look up for me lol :stuck_out_tongue:

I didn’t study the whole day, I went back home (not that i was gone long ago), finally the whole family gathered , It was amazing day for all of us , at night (now) i sat to study a little , and my siblings all took care of me, food , coffee, wine :stuck_out_tongue:

I love them alot, indeed none of my problems matter when I have the people I love around.

Anyway,(finally something for u guys) why am i studying? As I said, I’m super happy today, and so i dont want that to ever end, so I want to study and finish some work so i wake up tomorrow proud and happy.

Thanks alot, I don’t mind male, female , potato , as long as we both help each other so we both get better in the future.

Thanks for reading guys, and everything

Thank You God

4 Likes
46

That was a wonderful day then, Rab. I think you were in need of something like this to recharge your batteries. Congratulations for your day 20 :slight_smile:

2 Likes
47

Day 21 completed
Busy day, and i have 2 more like it coming , I’ll breath a little at midnight everyday.

I feel alot of stress from university, alot of asignments, and alot of materials to catch on.even though I’m not hard, I thought alot about sex and mastirbation, I feel like I’m giving up something huge, I kind of miss that, way to escape everything for few minutes . But saying that, all of us here, we dont want to run anymore, escape, we want to stand up and face life, find another way to live, solve our problems, be better.

Good luck guys

3 Likes
48

It’s can be hard to feel depraved of pmo. But always remind yourself what you had to give up in order to pmo!! Inspect this feeling with your brain and vaporize it :slight_smile:
I’m so cool, helping someone who has a way bigger streak than myself going on xd

1 Like
49

Thanks man, :stuck_out_tongue:

Fck university, they lied to me, said it will be your happiest years, full of joy and advantures
They told me it will be fun
Fck fck fck fck,

2 Likes
50

Day 22
very busy day , still have alot to do. not a single erection .

life is boring,
PMO was big thing in my life, now there is void.
How do you fight something strong, U grow another habbit (positive one) and strengthen it, and so finally it will over come/defeat/replace, the old bad habbit , so u don’t fight it by actually fighting it. play it strategically

anyway, I dont know if i have some habbit that i can invest on somehow, the main change is that instead of PMO, i just stare to the wall, bored with no thoughts ,motivation or a vision. i was feeling empty and still.

I need vision , goals plans, motivation, and purity
lets work on that

Good luck all

1 Like