Rab's diary ,[21 M]

3/4/21, this is the second day for me on this app
I’m having strong sexual desires , it all started that im feeling lonely and i need some attention to feel im not alone in my world , i go to online chat rooms, one on one, and there most people are horny, i get carried away with the flow just begging for some attention. I didn’t relapse but im still feeling lost and alone. Alone in general not just on this journey .

5 Likes

You are not alone brother, this addiction turns our minds this way, that feeling of withdrawal is bad, I know.
Welcome to this forum, this forum is awesome, you’ll get many supportive people here and even make some good friends.
All power to you! Keep fighting!

4 Likes

Brother keep in mind, if you relapse now then this feeling will only worsen rather than getting cured, it’s the addiction that’s been doing this, it happens, fight this for a few days don’t fall for the trap, somehow cross 30 day mark and this kind of feelings will reduce by a great extent.

4 Likes

Thanks alot brother ,.

2 Likes

No need to mention brother, we are all here to support each other :v:.

4 Likes

It’s very difficult when not only feeling but actually being alone. I messed up a 53 day streak just because I was alone for a week or so.
That being said try to solve the problem. To only be online is not quite a solution, as you can see in my case…

4 Likes

Yes brother,
I try to schedule my day one day before, so i dont find myself stairing to the wall, stll hard to commit
I also know when im urged, like what hours, so i set up a meeting with someone close to that time, to distract my self, l took late classes to keep my night relativly busy, also hard to set meetings late everyday, dont wanna burden anyone, so get a solution for every other day, survive day by day.

Brother we will get through this together :slight_smile:

3 Likes

4/4/21, third day for me, happy easter everyone
I woke up at 5:40 , (should’ve woke up at 7)
feeling no motivation or will power to commit to my schedule, a bit headack a bit horny.
I set plans last night, deep down i know i have too much to do to catch up with my study, i cant sleep and don’t have enough of a reason to push me out of bed, i’m trying to think of solution while typing, this is repeated scenario for me.
Only after believing that things can get better, you will be able to persue your goals/dreams. I want to focus on this mindset, idk if it will work, just meditate what i want maybe pray, and hope for the better

5 Likes

You’re doing good, brother. We all have a lot of things to catch up and doing even a little every day is a step to get things the way we want. Tomorrow is going to be a better day :slight_smile:

2 Likes

Day 4 compelted, day 5 just started
There is this void in me which i was filling with porn all these years, there is nothing to fill that anymore, i feel the need to masturbate just to get this feelin of satisfaction ,just to feel alright, even if for few minutes , but i know eventually this void will go away it wont stay like that. I had support from friends here ,and that’s really encouraging.
As im trying to get better in general, reduce my social media and games time,and invest more in study, i need depamin, i get depressed/bored so fast and take time to find the positive mindset again. I have my setbacks, im progressing slowly in my life, its slower than i expected ,but at least im trying, and things will get better , for you all and i.

3 Likes

Stress, Anxiety & Discomfort (SAD) are expected to be experienced when getting over p&m!
It’s part of growing into the unknown, leaving the comfort-zone. I myself experience it right now, on day 19, stronger than before. This question nagging on me, who are you without porn? Do you think you can just go back to normal?!
When experiencing SAD, just remember that you responded to it with PM’ing by default. And (at least for me) this produced even more SAD.
Just allow yourself to experience this emptiness, stress, anxiety. Be curious on where it’ll take you (an adventure of sorts…)

If you use windows and/or android my app I developed may help you: https://appsofuse.com/ , I’d be happy to give it to you for completely free if it is of any help for you undertaking this journey.

Don’t stay strong, don’t fight, just let urges and temptation hit you. Experience them fully (also SAD, pain, anger etc.), acknowledge and accept them and choose to not listen to them. Choose to improve yourself in whatever direction you want to improve yourself!

:slight_smile:

4 Likes

@Anon4Lulz ,thanks alot brother
There is this image in my head for when i was a child, all i want is to be pure, happy ,energitic just like little me, looking forward for the sun to rise to start my day gladly working and studying.

6-7 hours left for day 5, i just woke up, since i started this program, im more energitic, i wake up after 5 hours of sleep , dont know why. I’m learning about my self,( feeling sorry for my self and hope people feel sorry for me, to get some attention) that must change, i dont want that, i want to be respected and to respect and love my self the first place before even asking others to.

I woke up with strong urges, but didn’t relapse . As this guy @Anon4Lulz said, i want to see where this will take me, how better things can get , and what will i be

As a child of god , man is greater than anything that can ever happen to him
Quoted from, Dr. A.P.J Abdul Kalam

3 Likes

Thanks for that analogy of “feeling like a child”. Very useful for me :slight_smile:

2 Likes

Nice words and analogy, @Rab_J. I’m happy to see your progress! Day 4 too, let’s do it. :muscle:

2 Likes

Day 6, 4 hours left

I still get urges, cant control myself,(&my thought) around some indeviduals , i feel the need for dopamine, something missing

Positive dots

  • not watching porn or joining sexual chats/chat rooms , not masturbating obviously :slight_smile:
  • more energitic
  • used to sleep 10+ hours, im down to 5-6 and without alarm clock
  • got more comfortable on talking to people, ask for help, etc …
  • got new friend :slight_smile:
  • studying , finally ! ( a little bit, but still a huge change)

I try to have various activities around the day/week, talk to more people , friends and family, not fapping and geting support from friends here, really helps .
I feel depressed sometimes , i’m conserned (life is going ok right now) , idk how would i react the next time something bad hit me, news , falier …etc . (there is high chance i get back to the habbit,
i’m weak, like small obstaciles affects me alot, but thats what we are chacing , we will over come this , will control our lives ,get stronger, better, at everything

2 Likes

It’s so good to see your evolution, brother! I hope you’re having a great day :slight_smile:

1 Like

Use the AACV process described in “Power over Pornography”.

  • Acknowlege temptation to PM. It is there and it is real!
  • Accept it: Everybody, even the ones that have their shit together experience them! They are ok and normal.
  • Choose: Choose to not PM. U always have the freedom to choose. You also only choose for this one moment, that’s why you shouldn’t feel deprived of PM, because you can always choose to do it!
  • Vision: To make the right choice you need to exactly know what you will get by not PM’ing. Have a Vision of this life in your mind, write a short statement down and remind yourself of it!
2 Likes

I started new topic ,under general discussion ,

“Idea i like to share”

1 Like

Almost one week no fap, (6 hours left)

I’m going throw drastic changes and alot of feeling, im leaving my comfort zone,

Will type here later, but for now i wrote something nice , there

2 Likes

One week completed

So guys, thats 1:)
I already see changes in my life. I used to watch porn and jerk off every time i feel bad, stressed or else,. this week i had alot of mode swings one moment I’m super happy the next im sad. But at least i’m trying to face my concerns. I used to stay down after getting a hit,but things will get better, I’m finanly learning to take a hit from life and stand up against the odds ,against the challanges. life is hard, will always be, so what !! self pitty wont change that, porn &sex wont change that. Only if you believe U can make it better, u can get better, try and keep trying, face your fears for a change, rise up.

On 34 hours, my whole world might change, might lose a fight, and fail many people,i got huge exam, , I’m terrified

Im tired had a long day, i love my family, they made my day ,cant type more , GN all

5 Likes