Porn has lead me to darkness, god forgive me

Im 30. Started pmo at 13. 17 years i’ve been doing this.

I didnt begin to think it was a problem until 25 y/o. I have had many long streaks since then, going months at a time without and a few “slip ups” and “binges” but have not been a regular user since.

My longest streak was over a year. A couple times this has been achieved.

Ive never relapsed(falling back into regular use) but have slipped since i resolved to quit 5 years ago.

Slip up is using once in an unfrequent basis for me. Like watching once after 300+ days, then going another 200, etc.

I still struggle with urges some days.

Before i saw it as a problem, I commited some dark acts, which i feel to confess. I believe it was porn which lead me to do these things.

  1. at 22 I hired an escort and had sex with her, after watching lots of porn before hand and edging.
  2. a few months later, i did the same thing, I felt great shame afterwards.
    3)until 24 I used sex dating sites and tried to hook up with many woman and couples too. Many I didn’t feel truly attracted or interested in. I met up with a woman i was not really attracted to at one point, out of shear horniness and porn induced lustfullness and never saw her again. I sent out many messages and nudes of myself to woman and couples, whom I didn’t want more than to “get off to”.
  3. at 24 I visit a happy ending massage parlor. I was edging on porn for a few hours before hand.
  4. I did the same act again, after viewing milf porn. I metup with a 55+ year old for a happy ending.
  5. One my slip ups on a streak, I didn’t watch porn, but I sexted with a woman from an online web chat, while being in a healthy and happy relationship in real life.

I feel embaressed and ashamed of these things, I have never told anyone.

Ive been free since i was 25, except a handful of slip ups.

I joined to help with my goal of no slip ups ever again, until i die.

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Keep up, don’t give up. You are stronger than you think

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