I have been wasting my time over my porn addiction and mainly creative urge in film making and YouTube thorough binging .
So I wasnt able to study on my JEE exam well
GOAL : I will maintain MY JOURNAL and will try to be productive and true to my day
My exams are near so from today , I need to work my ass off to clear exam
Note - (1)if anyone want to help me with distractions and porn especially with creative urges how can I control then and use that urge you in my studies . I will appreciate a lot
(2) if anyone have kind of similar scenario can too join me and make their journal with me , will sure love to read his/her JOURNAL too
NOTE - 1) POMODORO TECHNIQUE - trying 40 - 15 one
(2) KAPALBHATI 5 MINS Every morning and meditation in study breaks
(3) exercise twice a day morning and evening
…
DAY (1) - SUNDAY 26 JUNE
No fap streak day
Affirmation
Exercise✅
Bath at most 10 mins
Temple visit
Gayatri mantra❌
Study
No of pomodoro done 2 correctly
Healthy diet
At least 7 hour sleep❌
This was my first day for no fap streak but i failed miserably . I was going good , when i was studying late night I got kinda bored and switched to porn unknowingly
,i mean i was googling physics topic but typed SeX instead . My brain is automatically on for porn without any sensual feeling initially .
I am feeling terrible i have jee exam on 28 and i know i can’t ace it
Coz of my mothrfuckin toxic habits
I dropped a fookin year , in start i knew I can crack it easily
But later i got addicted to PMO to such an extent that i wasted whole year of my life
I want to die… Else I don’t know what to do?
My father have been hoping for my selection in the college , i can’t see tears and sadness on his face due to disappointment that he trusted me he believed me
I can’t believe and trust myself no more neither my father will after results
I don’t want to live i want people to forgot me that i ever even existed
I know it’s my fault but my parents don’t deserve this
Moreover i have ADHD i can’t focus on things uninteresting to me for longer and keep doing it constantly for months . Whenever I agressivly tried to be disciplined and constant my memory ditched me and frustration became partner
I am worthless for now …
Can I change???
Do i even want to live with this horrible suffering
DAY (2) - MONDAY 27 JUNE
No fap streak day 1
Affirmation
Exercise❌
Bath at most 10 mins
Temple visit✅
Gayatri mantra❌
Study
No of pomodoro done 2 correctly✅
Healthy diet
At least 7 hour sleep❌
you have to fight, force yourself. hardest to start. The first stages will also be difficult, but the main thing is to endure them and then it will be easier, believe my experience. I had regular relapses for 6 months, every other day. then I stayed longer and the series were longer. from a couple of days passed to a week then relapse. then 2 weeks, relapse, then a month, relapse, and now I have the longest series of 189 days and I feel much better than at the beginning.
DAY (3) - TUESDAY 28 JUNE
No fap streak day 2
Affirmation
Exercise❌
Bath at most 10 mins
Temple visit✅
Gayatri mantra❌
Study
No of pomodoro done 2 correctly✅
Healthy diet
At least 7 hour sleep
Today was my exam . But shift was toughest among others . I was not prepared well and i only knew 5-6 MCQs perfectly. So i did calculated guessing in paper attempting all 60 MCQS.
either i will get at least 40 or maz 100 max ( at least i think so)
DAY (3) - Wednesday 29 JUNE
No fap streak day 1
Affirmation
Exercise❌
Bath at most 10 mins
Temple visit
Gayatri mantra❌
Study
No of pomodoro done 2 correctly✅
Healthy diet
At least 7 hour sleep❌
Nope… Nope nopeee
This isn’t gonna do better
I will start mindfulness to be in track of my behaviour and patterns
i have jee exam on 28 and i know i can’t ace it