Pierretomas18's Diary - From myself to more

Hi there guys,
Here is my diary. I will regularly post feelings, thoughts and remarks on my rewire experience. Please feel free to comment or leave any pirce of advice you think could be useful!
Good luck to all of you
El_Chibre/Pierretomas18

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Day 2

I’m reading a great book atm: Mindsets. It tells how you should not believe that your abilities are fixed and why you should not be afraidto work to get better.
I’ve been telling myself that I need dopamine, not PMO. It has worked pretty well up to now, but it’s only the beginning of the start. Anyway, it helps me doing something else whenever I have an urge. I feel that my sperm level is not yet all the way up, that’s when things will sart to get interesting. No depression or insomnia, only a lack of motivation and a feeling of comstant tiredness for now. Managed to say hello to a few random people in the street on my way back home. I have a piano concert next week, so I will try to study hard on the next few days. Also got a german exam, that’s additional work.
Not such bad of a start after all…

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Day 9


Still on track. Last week was full of depression, feeling like shit moments, moments of euphoria too. I even had some serious pain in lower abdomen, had to go to toilet all the time and hands shaking alone like I got Parkinson. I knew I wasn’t going to make it more than 3 days if I didn’t change my strategy, so I allowed myself P (not too much) and (just a tiny bit of) M. OK, I just edged maybe 3 times. Anyway, I didn’t O, so I am still going. From today though, I ban myself all P too, except pics of real girls I know. This is (according to me) really soft P. My libido has been increasing like crazy, especially since I got a wet dream last night. I just get hard thinking at classmates or friends. And when, I say hard, I mean rock hard: the veins on my penis get out and feel like bumps, even on my glans. Also the urges get much more strong, I can feel the blood rushing to my penis, but it actually is easier to defeat them when you clearly feel them.
I am taking on some weight, I feel like girls notice me more and feel better overall. The withdrawal symptoms are strong, but I counter them with sport, meditation or study.
I want to be on a high streak for the beginning of summer. The weather is getting hotter and hotter, and girls already wear some crazily sexy outfits, but I can’t even imagine when it’ll be real summer. I will be able to control myself even with this when I’ll have a good streak. I’ll start with NoFapApril, then we will see.
This is a new month, let us not waste the good days by staying alone in our bedrooms!

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Hello everyone. Sorry for my long absence from the forum. I have been caught up in life lately. Today I am in a very special state. This post will be long because I will tell you my story and how I broke free of PMO.
I discovered porn quite late (14) but I used to stimulate myself by mind before, not really knowing what I was doing. I was what you could call a nerd back then, a weak boy who didn’t believe in himself, with persecution complex, few friends, etc. So I was really into tg stuff and that is the point when I discovered masturbation as we know it. I was just lying in my bed watching some boy to girl transformation and suddenly I felt something wet in my pants, as well as an intense pleasure. I was covered in sperm. I was confused at first, then I went to the toilet to clean myself, but I was still really curious about this. So I put my hand around my penis and gave a stroke. That felt good. So I did it again. And you can all guess what happened from then on.
TG stuff was always one of my favorite porn, but it really ruined my self esteem. I can remember praying God to turn me into a girl. I guess I might have ended up tg myself if it had continued longer. I went through my early teenagehood as most of us did, with few good friends, wanking as soon as I came back home , sometimes as much as 6 times a day.
I felt terribly uncomfortable with my weak body, and that’s when I started to do sports at my house. This really helped me out and I started feeling the shame from masturbation. But it was only when I got rejected from a bunch of girls, and it took more than 30 minutes to ejaculate, that I really took action. I discovered NoFap last spring, and got this app last summer.
Then I sarted my journey. I decreased my masturbating frequence, little by little. Sometimes I had huge drawbacks, sometimes I could go for months without fapping. It was hard as I had got into very extreme porn types and felt terrible about it, and my sexual tastes that had shifted. I got more and more attracted to girls my age and fell in love with many (in fact it was more like sexual attraction). They all turned me down. I was obsessed with having a girlfriend. Ironically, that was what saved me. I focused on NoFap as I noticed girls noticed me more when I had high streaks.I did more and more sports as I saw by body getting better and better. I went through some severe withdrawal symptoms, headaches, pain everywhere, tiredness, but I kept going. It had become almost an automatism. Keep trying. Some days I felt at the top of my life, others I was depressed. I started analysing why I relapsed and it helped. I identified some cues, read some helpful books that changed my way of seeing things, I developed meditation habit and more and more sports. Honestly, I learned so much about NoFap and all the techniques I could write a book about it. :wink:
Then the day came. It was last Sunday. I had bought dumbells and I was really excited because I had only did bodyweight training before. This was a kind of a new beginning. Plus, I had tried them and it gave so much more intensoty to the workout, I really felt my muscles working. And then, on this sunday night, something strange happened. Even though I was only on day 2, I got really triggering thoughts out of nowhere. I finally gave up at 4 AM, I had so few sleep for the last few days that it just was unbearable. I relapsed. But then, I thought. I did not feel like usual. I then voluntarily masturbated, thinking and even saying all the way through: «this is the last one. I will never masturbate again.». And I orgasmed saying «This is the last one». I didn’t even enjoy it so much. But something felt different. I just went to sleep.
The next day, I was astonished: even though the chaser effect was hitting, masturbating was for some reason not even an option for my brain. It just had lost all its appeal. Usually, when I was bored and wondering what to do, masturbation would come to my mind. But this day, it just didn’t. I don’t know how to describe it, it was just like I had torn down PMO into pieces and my mind was unbreakable. Crazy.
Back then I thought : «OK, this is just the first day, self control is just normal at this point.»Hello everyone. Sorry for my long absence from the forum. I have been caught up in life lately. Today I am in a very special state. This post will be long because I will tell you my story and how I broke free of PMO.
I discovered porn quite late (14) but I used to stimulate myself by mind before, not really knowing what I was doing. I was what you could call a nerd back then, a weak boy who didn’t believe in himself, with persecution complex, few friends, etc. So I was really into tg stuff and that is the point when I discovered masturbation as we know it. I was just lying in my bed watching some boy to girl transformation and suddenly I felt something wet in my pants, as well as an intense pleasure. I was covered in sperm. I was confused at first, then I went to the toilet to clean myself, but I was still really curious about this. So I put my hand around my penis and gave a stroke. That felt good. So I did it again. And you can all guess what happened from then on.
TG stuff was always one of my favorite porn, but it really ruined my self esteem. I can remember praying God to turn me into a girl. I guess I might have ended up tg myself if it had continued longer. I went through my early teenagehood as most of us did, with few good friends, wanking as soon as I came back home , sometimes as much as 6 times a day.
I felt terribly uncomfortable with my weak body, and that’s when I started to do sports at my house. This really helped me out and I started feeling the shame from masturbation. But it was only when I got rejected from a bunch of girls, and it took more than 30 minutes to ejaculate, that I really took action. I discovered NoFap last spring, and got this app last summer.
Then I sarted my journey. I decreased my masturbating frequence, little by little. Sometimes I had huge drawbacks, sometimes I could go for months without fapping. It was hard as I had got into very extreme porn types and felt terrible about it, and my sexual tastes that had shifted. I got more and more attracted to girls my age and fell in love with many (in fact it was more like sexual attraction). They all turned me down. I was obsessed with having a girlfriend. Ironically, that was what saved me. I focused on NoFap as I noticed girls noticed me more when I had high streaks.I did more and more sports as I saw by body getting better and better. I went through some severe withdrawal symptoms, headaches, pain everywhere, tiredness, but I kept going. It had become almost an automatism. Keep trying. Some days I felt at the top of my life, others I was depressed. I started analysing why I relapsed and it helped. I identified some cues, read some helpful books that changed my way of seeing things, I developed meditation habit and more and more sports.
Then the day came. I had bought dumbells and I was really excited because I had only did bodyweight training before. This was a kind of a new beginning. I was happy because when I had tried them, I had felt my muscles working hard, meaning I could finally make more progress.
Then the evening came, nothing special. But when I went to sleep, bad thoughts came and I couldn’t resist them. (From now on I can’t remember much but I’ll try to be as precise as possible). At around 4 AM, I gave in and relapsed. But it didn’t feel as usual. I then took a strange decision. I relapsed once more, but thinking, and even saying : «this is the last one. I won’t ever fap again». I orgasmed saying «This is the last one». It didn’t even feel so good. A bit weird. Whatever, I just went to sleep after.
The next day, for some reason, the urges were not as strong as usual. I could shatter them to pieces without even thinking about it. Masturbating, fantasizing, all PMO related stuff just wasn’t an option anymore, if you see what I mean. It just did not make any sense. It had lost all its appeal. I was surprised, but just guessed «This is the first day, it is normal that the urges are so weak». I had a super-nice day.
But things didn’t turn back as they used to be. Here I am, almost at day 4, and I have absolutely destroyed PMO. These are normally the hardest days btw. I couldn’t describe it exactly, but it feels like a new warmth in my brain, I think totally differently, I feel like this is a new era of my life. I haven’t had a SINGLE lewd thought in 4 days, even when I got hard. The only thing I did was looking a bit at some girls, but more like appreciating their beauty rather than think of them as objects. And even then, I quickly stopped and turned to something else almost effortlessly. So here I say: I am free. I don’t know how or why I broke free, but I definitely did. I feel a new man, but I still got the knowledge and experience from all my NoFap journey. It is incredible and so satisfying. I am only at day 3, however I got benefits I didn’t normally see until day ~30. I am a better person, I take interest in fulfilling activities, I am more social. And I still have the urge to learn. This is the last one I’ve got.
I will try to understand more what happened this night. But honestly, I doubt I will. A new world just opened to me. Maybe it is only the accumulation of all the energy I had put in NoFap, or God’s (or Universe’s or whatever you want) grace. Anyway, my soul has changed deep down. And I want to thank you all for that, because I would not be here without your help. I got so much support and advice from this app, it truly is a great place we have here.
Good luck and may you find your way too,
Pierretomas18/El_Chibre
83d24b

3 Likes