Wake up by 5 :
Sleep by 10 : (have to study)
No snacking :
No cheat days
Not seeing Minecraft YouTube videos :
Finish my tasks ahead of time :
Work out (gym/home workout) need to study for exams
Plan the next day :
Call up people as required
Check-in to Habitica
At least 5 minutes of improvement-focused reading :
Check-in to Rewire Companion
I’m impressed by how many check-marks I can make. I’m proud of myself and what I’ve done today- there could have been improvements with how I spent my time, but that’s okay. I’m not perfect but what I am not doing is repeating past mistakes. Improve everyday.
Going to grind and study once more for tomorrow’s exam. Today’s went well enough.
Study study and more studying.
We have some new clinical tests on Saturday as well, so no rest for the weary but eh, I signed up for this. Can’t wait for Saturday and Sunday though. Going to go enjoy with friends.
Never forget: being a man is not needed. It is necessary
It’s always around 7 that I slip. I’m not sure why, it’s possibly (I think) due to the excess 45% testosterone in my body. But that’s no excuse, I need to be extra careful next time.
I also want to try to maintain consistent entries this time. I hope I can. Not a check-list, but just describing my day and self- reflection.
Today wasn’t that bad. I wanted to get a new time-wasting thing to do in my room so that I can do that instead of PMO, so I decided to start watching some TV series again. Finished some episodes of the good doctor and also studied a bit in the morning. Had lunch, slept, then went out shopping for a few essentials I needed. After that I headed to the library around 3:50ish, studied till around 5:30, made a few calls and went out with friends for coffee till 7:30. Came back to the library and studied a bit more, then till 9 I had a study date with my crush.
(God help me get past this new crush. I don’t want to like anyone, let me just focus on my goals but anyways, I’m careful to be helpful to her just as I am to other girls, and not to give her a lot of attention, because she’s really pretty and smart and gets asked out a lot, pretty girls expect attention which is why you don’t give it to them).
I am too .
Atleast for now, we have 3 holidays coming, but I have to learn one basic coding software (Matlab), one designing software, submit one assignment (probably one more is gonna be there) and there’s one test as well next week .
It’s Sunday morning here so I just thought I’d quickly post an update.
Just studying things, hanging out with friends at the library, going out for midnight coffee and snacks, and just enjoying studying stress with friends right before exams, which begin tomorrow
We’re also making lots of travelling plans for the holidays, which is a bit distracting
But yeah it’s a whole vibe going on here. Holiday/Exam vibe.
That’s all for now, I guess.
Well, first of all I’m glad to hit day 12, crossing day 7. I usually relapse around 7 days due to the excess testosterone, but once I get over that I can manage it a bit better.
Day 7 was heck of an intense battle. I experienced proper dopamine low due to withdrawal symptoms for the first time. I had no social energy, headache the whole day and night, and no motivation. But I decided to screw that, I used pain killers and motivational music and grinded the whole day. Mentally I was always feeling the urge to relapse, but I didn’t give in, a big win for me. God is proud of me too- we talk about a lot of things and this was one of them.
Besides that, I finally told someone else about my former addiction. One of the seniors (3 years older than me) and I have become really close, and we care for each other a lot. I can tell her basically anything, and she knew I was off that day and she threatened to come till my hostel and drag me out if I didn’t tell her what’s wrong, so I told her. I’m grateful for good friends, both around me and in this forum.
I’ve reduced basketball and gym to zero the past few weeks, sadly. Not my fault though- I developed tendonitis from all the basketball, so I need to recover from that. Some rest, tablets given by my orthopedic and time is all that’s needed. Went again to the gym yesterday, but I only did abs and legs. Legs I started light and didn’t push myself (squatted only 60 kgs and leg pressed around 90. Didn’t want to over-exert) and then did some crunches. Didn’t want to strain my shoulder anymore.
I feel more energy now, and the drive to do more. Girls are staring as usual, but I am used to it. One of the girls I used to like seems like she’s hitting on me, but I know my goals. And who knows, I’m still praying about my future wife, whenever I’ll meet her.
I have lots to study, so I’ll have to work on that. Going out is a little too much these days I need to study. Besides, I’ll be going back home next weekend. Busy this whole weekend so yeah.
I want to update my diary more often but I don’t really get the time, but I’m having fun, so I appreciate it.
I want to re-start my meditation habit though. Here and there I’ve done it but there have been too many breaks. I’ll probably also be shifting hostel rooms this week, so a lot going on. Chaotic fun.
Here we go again. Never quit quitting.
My relationship with God was not where I wanted it to be, I was not talking to Him as much as I would have liked to, but I’ve been speaking with Him more often nowadays and I feel so much better. I have the inner joy and peace only He can give me.
I have some goals I want to accomplish by the fourth year of med school, so I have to work hard on those. I need to go back to being disciplined and grinding.
Might restart consistent gym workouts from Monday onwards. Obviously, I had to take a break due to tendonitis, but I played basketball two days back and no issues presented. I also have an upcoming match this Saturday, so I want to stay rested for that.
Restarted meditation practise, so that’s a green tick.
I need to be focused. Remember my identity in Christ. Not be distracted and chase self-acceptance in things like a good body, intelligence, or good looks. No, my identity must be from something more eternal, not such ephemeral vanity.