Phoenix notebook

Result day
So my result will be out any time now,
Just wanted to tell the future self, wether you fail of pass, it doesn’t matter because this time I tried my best. I did my best, yes there was one relapse in the month of exam, but I gave my best,
Don’t think everything is over. Just plan your next step, if you fail or pass, just keep planning. And keep going on nofap.
If you get depressed, you might relapse, just making it harder to remember

2024-07-09T18:30:00Z
And yes even failing won’t be bad enough because I have seen worse this year.
Stay Calm
Whatever happens I will update
I am in the line, to the room where professors are handing over results

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2024-07-09T18:30:00Z
So after waiting 2 hours in line they told me to comeback tomorrow, with a letter, justifying that I am me. As my face now doesn’t match the face on my documents. I got my head and beard shaved. I will get my results tomorrow. Why, why, WHY.

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2024-07-10T18:30:00Z
So I have failed once again.

2024-07-11T18:30:00Z
I just realised that I have been trying to get rid of this addiction since 5 years. And wasted my life away.
Opportunity, relationship, goal, moments, and many more. This one is my last attempt. This time I will get rid of this addiction. And achieve everything in the next 6 months. I probably have to work 5 times harder. But I am not afraid, I just know for sure I will this time.
No more beating around, or rubbing my life and genital away. I don’t have any chance or choice.

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2024-07-12T18:30:00Z
Next exam
In September.
I will not watch qorn or will masturbate Ever. No target of 100, 200, or 1000 days. I just won’t.
I will not bring any bad thaughts about any girl.
I will not use and swear or cuss words for anybody except for that bitch, from room 3 of economics section, and politicians.
3 jobs only
Study, Workout, And writing ideas.
I will not watch qorn or masturbate ever

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I am actually a very reserved person, and dont enjoy small talk, but it’s actually fascinating and overwhelming to see people who don’t know each other doing there best to help eachother out of there messy life.
This place (forum) is what this world should have been like.
I am trying to learn to be grateful to others. And helping others

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2024-07-15T18:30:00Z
Relapsed after 19 days
Viewed qorn by mistake. And kinda started staring at it for few minutes. But haven’t masturbated.
And I am certain that I don’t even enjoy masturbation. My mind just wants qorn. As I said I am preety certain I will not fail ever again.
This for sure is the last time
I am free.
Let’s fix my life.

And yes Everyone from my graduation batch got a job today
The last one out of 350 students from my course, apart from me, cracked the interview. I am happy for him. But not jealous, cuz I know I deserve not to get job. I didn’t worked hard enough. I know they weren’t rubbing there pp when they should have studied.
No-one from my batch talks’ to me, my professor told me this with a little disgrace on his face.
Let’s see.

Doing anything experiment on myself
So won’t be using internet at all for next 30 days.
Let’s see what happens
2024-07-17T18:30:00Z
And after 30 days I will update the results
The routine will be to wake up at 6 or before
Study and workout do house chores and sleep around 10.30
I will be writing my experience in manual notebook. And uninstall all internet related apps including this one.