PaperBoat's journey [19 M]

:fire::fire::fire::fire::fire::fire::fire::fire::fire::fire::fire::fire::fire::fire::fire::fire::fire:
Lets go ma bwoi
I’m also gonna give CA. I’ve started my syallabus and i shall be registering for Foundation July 2024 attempt.
I ask of you to guide me when i need some help regarding the studies.
Thank you in advance

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Great to know that brother, Goodluck for your journey.
I am always up if you need any help from my side.

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Relapsed again, but this time I felt I made progress. I was doing exercise regularly. And I was able to defeat heavy urges though I lost in the end. I have decreased my phone usage by a lot. I have gained confidence for my studies and I am ready to be in Top 20, even though I have lots of backlog but I will still be able to complete syllabus on time so that I get enough time for revisions.
I am trying to change my morning routine as well, Hope that works out well.

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That’s what a true progress looks like. Keep going bro :raised_hands:

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2023-05-21T18:30:00Z

It’s been a while since I have given any update here.
I am going okay with my studies. I have my plan to complete the syllabus by July end, then I will have 3 months for revision which should be enough. This journey has actually potential to teach me something great everyday. And I want to take full advantage of it in next five months. I want to grow as a man who can put his mind with complete focus wherever he wants. This is my opportunity for becoming what I always wanted to become since I started Nofap.
Also, I did 30 pushups today (Two sets of 15 each) and other exercises also. This is a big achievement for me. I am trying to do workout daily because I don’t do any other physical activity.
I will try to post every 3-4 days from now. This journey will definitely be worth in written.

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Again I relapsed, I didn’t even have any high urges but still I failed. Feels like I am not even trying anymore, I need to get everything on track.

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I also feel the same. Like, it’s the new normal for our body. But this is like slow poison buddy. It’s consuming us slowly, day by day, one muscle at a time, one brain neuron at a time. Until the day when it consumes us to a certain limit where we cannot pull ourselves out of it.
It’s not late. We still have got just sufficient time. Trust me. Let’s pull ourselves up from this.

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I don’t know what to say, I am feeling like a complete looser now. I keep wasting days.
I am not able to concentrate on my studies at all due to this huge backlog. I can’t focus on lectures for more than 10 mins. It takes me 2.5 hrs to complete 1.5 hour lecture even at 1.5x speed. I keep pressing the back until I repeat it in my head.
Everyday is full of stress. I have to stay alone in my room everyday. I am taking too much naps just to escape study. Including naps I am sleeping for 9-10 hrs a day. Everytime, my mind is full of sexual thoughts. I regret wasting my almost 3 months but still I am unable to study.
I am just fooling my parents and myself as well.

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I feel you man because I also feel like that when I get too weak

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This realisation hits hard bro. Use it positively.

Don’t go down like this.

Stay alert, stay conscious, you know that you are doing and repeating this mistake. So next time you sit for studying, keep this in mind :- “yes, I’m again going to loose my concentration, I’m again going to loose my focus.” And when you are about to loose it, you’ll get striked by your brain about what you have discussed with yourself. This helps being on-track.

And when you are about to give up and stop the lecture, practice micro-challenge here also… say to yourself… just 3 mins more, later, i will have less 3 mins to listen. And keep doing it and slowly increasing the time… you’ll see and make a habit of concentrating and focusing for longer time-period.

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Fuck everything, I am still gonna win I don’t care.
I will do the 4 months work in 2 months and everything’s sorted. I will put my all into this.

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You can do this brother its tough but not impossible be strong I don’t think a talented student who has achieved his goals till now needs motivation :wink:
Does he need so?

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Willpower is a perishable resource. You cannot draw from it endlessly. What you really need is a system.

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I completely agree with this brother. I generally don’t believe in motivation or will power as well. I believe they are only helpful to bring you out from self doubt situations but they don’t guarantee improvement and consistency.
Consistency arises from a system and a schedule.

Definitely brother, Based on my past experiences I know It’s doable for me. It just requires more efforts.

Thank you brother, That actually worked quite well for me. I was able to finish some lectures in even one go. I am definitely following this from now.

Right now, I am coming out of this whining state and putting myself into Doing state. Most important thing right now is Action.

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That’s what Will power is.

It’s puts us in a state of mind where it reminds us over and over again about us willing to do things which we procastinate.

It reminds us that we have more power to do things that we usually do on basic levels.

By repeating the word “willpower” inside our head reminds us that;
We are better that this.
We can achieve more than this.
I can’t quit here, i am capable of doing more than this.
Our worth is more than this where we’ve limited ourselves.

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discipline >>>> motivation

fax. inertia is the most important factor to overcome.

based

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I relapsed after a 10 days streak.
Reason: I opened Instagram after a long time.

Yesterday I spent my whole day analysing myself for my studies. I watched some of the interviews as well of Intermediate passed out students.
I think I got overconfident in this journey, which made me way too relaxed. I thought scoring an AIR under 50 will be easy for me even if I am late. But I realised now that I will not be able to score even passing marks if I continue like this. Half of the time is already over, Exams are in November.
I will be honest, I just want to score above average now. I had a opportunity to do very well but I missed it, but It kinda taught me some serious lesson. I definitely learned from this and will apply them in finals.
Also, I was comparing myself so much with my batchmates and feeling inferior because they are very ahead of me. We kind of had healthy competition that who will do better. But after wasting this much time, I was feeling extremely guilty. I even cried yesterday.
But eventually I realised now that It doesn’t matter, I don’t even know them properly. Their life should not create such a huge impact on me.
On the results day , what will be matter is my parent’s and my own happiness. I have my friends with whom I would like to stay with on that day. We can’t get everything we want in life.
Now, I just want to do good for my own happiness. I will not compare myself with anyone now.
Also based on my past experience, I found out that I work much well while under pressure, or I would say I only work under pressure XD, which is kind of bad thing but for now I will try to leverage this. I have so much to do, but only got limited time. I will put daily 12-14 hrs into this for next 4.5 months without caring about any results or anything. If I do this, I should be able to repair some of the damage I have done in past months.

Conclusion: It did not go anywhere close to what I planned in the beginning of the year but I still can do decent.
Thank you so much for reading such a long post.

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I am challenging myself for next 90 days. I will complete everything related to my studies in this period and I will try to build habit of exercise and meditation.
Even If I slip , I won’t watch p@rn. This doesn’t mean I can masturbate, but only MO is better than PMO and Three months is a big period.
I will post daily update here, Will keep it short so that I can maintain consistency.

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I know I said this, But I will be completely switching off my phone tomorrow for next week.

On Thursday, I am going out with my family to a temple for whole day. I have decided not to take my phone there too, I want that day to spend with nature not on YouTube.
I will be back on next Sunday with atleast 8-10 study hours daily.
I am coming out of this hell period and will stand again.

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Stand strong brother you can do this :fire:

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