PaperBoat journey [18 M]

I studied for 6+ hrs yesterday and 7+ hrs today as well. This is very insane for me as I was not able to study even for 2hrs, a week ago.
I realised that I am not lazy , I can also do it for 10+hrs like others do. But thing which I lacked is discipline and motivation.
Yesterday I was too motivated to complete the topic which I had to complete ,So I didn’t give up even after I was feeling tired. And I did it.
After completing it I realised , this was never difficult but I always made it look difficult.

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I am back to the forum. I am starting my journey again and I will definitely bring a good change in myself now.

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Welcome back, new year new beginning
:clinking_glasses:

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Yeah , Let’s make this 2022 a much better one.

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My last relapse was on 30 dec 2021. Forget 2021 now.
2022 is here . I am not aiming for a big streak no. or something.
I aim to make this year best . I wanna learn so much in this year. And push myself to bigger heights.
Happy New year everyone!

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All the best brother! :handshake::fire:
And a very happy new year

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I have made thousands of false promises to myself. I never follow the schedule I made. I always procrastinated my work till deadline. Never stayed commited to my goals. I relapsed thousand of times calling it last time. I made so many mistakes. I wasted my 11th , Didn’t give my best in 12th.
But Now , I have only one goal for next three months i.e. CUET , so that I can get into my dream College. This is only possible if I stay commited to my goal for everyday till the exam. I will have boards in May-June and Cuet in Mid July. I promise myself that I will give my best this time.

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I failed to get into my dream college and All whom I can blame is myself.
I am not feeling that sad because I didn’t prepare well enough. My journey have just started, still a long way to go.

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@PaperBoat bro which college you wished for?

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My aim was to get into SRCC
But I didn’t prepared well enough for it.

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We need to create multiple projects for our life to avoid distractions like pmo , social media. There is a different between engaging in multiple things and having projects.
You could be busy with your studies, job, school, etc and still end up relapsing. You have just engaged yourself in different things.
On the other hand, Desire to do best in school, best in work are projects.
Don’t just Engage yourself, Rather create projects for your life.

2022 was a big lesson for me , Especially for my studies. I had backlogs the whole year which always kept me in stress. I did not focused on No fap at all during last two months. I just relapsed when I felt urges. November, December were a different phase for me. No schedule for sleep , Attending revision classes , completing backlogs and so on… I somehow summed up my syllabus few days ago from my exams with one concurrent revision and gave my exams in December. They went quite well.
Got a 10 day break from classes and now my classes begun from 2 Jan which I am attending properly.
My last relapse was on 31st December. And honestly since then I don’t think that much about porn or masturbation.
I am actually loving the subjects now and doing regular classes. All I need to do is Increase my self study time.
It’s a good start in 2023. Will try my best to continue this.

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Almost 18 days done, Although that’s just a number.
I was getting high urges , so I came here to write. After trying for 3 years , I am finally feeling that I am free from PMO. Now, I can’t loose to small urges like this. Because If I loose now , I will back on that messy life. Things have started to get better and now I can’t give up because of these urges.
I still find myself fantasizing and staring at girls sometimes. But I feel like, once I get myself out of this porn trap. I will slowly overcome those desires too. I have not set high goals for me this time. I only want to get free from porn and masturbation right now. Getting myself out of porn is very important for me now , I can’t waste more time on this.

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Not at all satisfied with my efforts, I need to put more hours into studying rather than wasting time.
After 8 hrs classes , I seriously need to increase my self study to atleast 4-5 hours. Then only It gonna start working. It’s been only around 3 weeks and I already have so many things to revise. If I don’t do it now , I will never be able to.

After around 1.5 years , I have completed 20 days successfully. Last time I did was when I created this diary.
It’s sad to see how much time it took me to come back. But the good thing is I am back.

My whole 2023 is committed towards my November exams and get a AIR.
It has no place for porn and other distractions. By the end of this year , I want to say it to myself that " I did it." And the best part is , Now is the time to start preparing for it.

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Heavy urges have started to come in. I couldn’t focus at all while studying.
I almost convinced myself to relapse but managed not to do it. Exhausted myself through exercise to control that urge.
Right now, feeling too vunerable that I will relapse anytime.

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I relapsed. I saw that coming.
I don’t know how to express how I felt before relapse. I started shivering, felt like everything’s going wrong.
At this point, I don’t even know if I will ever come out of this.

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Hang in there, you will overcome, yes 20 days is not a safe number to say that you are free from porn, not even 50 to be honest, the key is to change your values because if you do it you’ll find yourself a stranger in the porcelan porn world, you’ll be very unfamiliar with it, so I think until then you’ll struggle.

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Friday was a great day for me, My December exams results came out and it was pretty good.

However, I relapsed few hours ago. Now I am starting again.
I have a very clear target right now and i.e. Get AIR in my November 23 exams. I will try my best to achieve that.