Our journey to Reboot

@wes1
That’s something that got me many times in the past. You didn’t go looking for P, but you found it while browsing online. Oh, they’ve a P parody version? That curiosity is dangerous. We have to become repulsed by P, not intrigued.

Remember, curiosity killed the cat!

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Resetting the counter on everytime I glance at P made me realize how much of an addict I really am. I can’t even go past 2 days. .ಥ╭╮ಥ I could go at least a week without M & O but P, I can’t even get past 2 days!! (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

I need to overcome this bottleneck and get my life under MY control.

How is everything going with you guys?
May God bless us.

I relapsed… I ducking relapsed… …

Relapsed Again… Feeling Frustrated

We’ve all experienced this frustration brother. I had relapsed 46 times this year before reaching my current streak, and those are only the days! Not counting the times when I told myself, No more for today, please, no more, and relapsed again an hour later.

But I’ve done tasks and implemented strategies so that GOD willing, this will be my ultimate streak now. I’ve changed my self-belief on what is possible for me. After relapsing hundreds and hundreds of times after we said we wouldn’t, we have to forgive ourselves for all the broken promises and regain our integrity.

Remember that it is always possible for you to break free for good. You can indeed do this. This isn’t a willpower issue or a self-control issue. If you can make it past 24 hours after being deeply addicted, you have enough willpower to go all the way. Find out what is holding you back mentally from achieving your goal. Reinforce the belief constantly that you are free. Don’t look forward at 90 days or 180 days or even 7 days, be free this hour. Then the next hour. The morning, the afternoon, the evening. Promise yourself each time and you will start believing it is possible again, and your integrity is restored as you keep your word.

What strategy are you using right now to prevent urges and deal with them if they arrive?

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I have failed myself and my God. Forgive me Lord.
Every time, every single time before relapsing there were many signs from God.
Bible notification, random images with quotes of God, a sudden phonecall, unexpected guests etc. telling me to stop.
Yet this time I ignored them and indulged. And I am paying for my sins.
May God forgive me. May He not forsake me.

Strategies that I used included cold showers, going for a walk, meditation, drinking lots of water, etc; But clearly these are not enough.

Lord bless us all.

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Brother, as long as we are alive, the gates of forgiveness and repentance are wide open. All is forgiven when we truly change and turn our lives around.

Tony Robbins says If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten. You’ve mentioned some good tools to help in your journey, but you need to have a complete strategy to remove this from your life. This is the most difficult addiction in the world to remove, but with the correct attitude and daily habits, it is possible for everyone on this forum to break free by GOD’s Grace. I outlined some strategies that work for me above, but perhaps they didn’t resonate with you. It’s your decision at the day’s end. But look at success stories and see what other people have done. Create your own strategy that works for you. Do something new this time to break free for good. You don’t want to enter 2020 with this addiction still in your life.

You’re not alone brother. You’ve seen GOD calling you back home in your own life. I am here and I can tell you I have been where you are now. Even 6 weeks ago I was there. But life on this side is so much better. No joy can ever come from PMO. Come to this side brother and enjoy life abundantly.

The soul that sinneth, it shall die. The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father, neither shall the father bear the iniquity of the son: the righteousness of the righteous shall be upon him, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon him.
But if the wicked will turn from all his sins that he hath committed, and keep all my statutes, and do that which is lawful and right, he shall surely live, he shall not die.
All his transgressions that he hath committed, they shall not be mentioned unto him: in his righteousness that he hath done he shall live.
Ezekiel:18:20-23

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This means a lot to me. This time around I’ll believe in not just God but myself as well. I have always kept my promises to others while failed miserably in keeping promises to myself. I promise you brother I will break free. You have been really motivating and gracious. I am eternally grateful for the time and effort you have spent for me. God bless you. Surely I will pray for you.

I won’t do this for the milestones (days) anymore.
"Whatever happens I won’t watch P nor will I MO today."I will enforce this, if God be willing, to myself every single day.
I will update daily my status here.

I will not let God, you or myself down.

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That’s a major problem in dealing with addiction. Relapsing again and again damages our self-esteem and we feel we’ve lost integrity towards ourselves. Our words and promises to ourselves no longer hold meaning or power. It is only by making small promises and fulfilling them that our self-esteem repairs and we believe in our word once more.

We have to repair our self-image in order to succeed. We must believe that we deserve to break free and live a fulfilling life free of addiction. If we don’t believe this about ourselves, we may even be able to be clean for months, but eventually we self-sabotage because subconsciously we don’t feel we deserve to be happy. All the time we’ve wasted, the sins accumulated, the people we’ve hurt through our addicted mindset, the projects left uncompleted, the deep rooted shame and regret; one begins to feel that suffering is deserved and even divine retribution for what we’ve done.

But this is not the case. We are still alive and able to change. Thank GOD for His Grace and Mercy - judgement is not upon us. You are the hero in your own movie! You are fearfully and wonderfully made! GOD has plans to prosper you and give you a future! We are but a little less than the angels in glory.

Remember that if even the wicked can care enough for their children to bring chocolates and toys home for them, how much more so our Perfect GOD in Heaven who knows the count and number of the hairs on our head? We are especially important to Him, and He has not finished His work with us yet!

That commitment you’ve made is a powerful step forward! This is something I do myself; I thank GOD morning, afternoon and evening for each day I’ve been clean and swear once more to never return, but continue forward on this path He has paved for me. Doing so will help restore integrity after many broken promises.

To commit, we carry out actions deliberately. We make it happen no matter what. We sacrifice who we are now for the person we will become. When we decide to do it no matter what, life changes for us.

Commit thy works unto the LORD, and thy thoughts shall be established.
Proverbs:16:3

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Day 1 :
It’s raining and very cold here. I find my hand going down there to grope unconsciously while in bed. My body is screaming at me to masterbate.

But whatever happens today won’t be the day when I relapse.

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Day 2 :
Its still raining but fortunately I did not have any urges. God and Christ bless us.

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Day 3 :
I am anxious and my hands are trembling almost all the time. I can’t sit near my girl classmates as I feel compulsed to confess to her even if she ain’t my type. I crave female touch.
( I’m a virgin and I never had any relations because I don’t think its worth it unless you intend to marry. Over here we have arranged marriages. I expect from my future wife what I expect from myself. I wish to be a celibate untill marriage & I feel any casual sex is sinful. I don’t think I’m ugly since I have had girls acting flirty with me and a few of them outright confessing. )

I’m confused and perplexed. I don’t know why I get this craving. I feel sinful and ashamed. Lord forgive me.

Edit. : I feel endless anger for no particular reason, mad at myself, the world, everything. I feel guilty. I’m so frustrated and tired. I can’t bear with these mood swings. It’s like I’m alone, curled up in a dark solitary room. I need to vent my emotions but not through PMO.

I’m constantly praying to God but still I’m empty inside. Lord fill me with your presence. God bless you guys.

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Keep going brother, you’re doing well.

The craving is not sinful, the action is. Remove all guilt and shame from it, no matter how dark the craving is. A man whose innermost thoughts are filled with rage and hideous thoughts of murder and torture but is outwardly peaceful and kind to his fellow humans is a good man, because he has not acted in the manner his thoughts would lead him to. In fact, he is better than people who are less tempted to act out with rage, and has more self-control.

Be not ashamed of temptation - even Christ was. It is action that counts.

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This made me feel a lot better. Thank you brother. I always mention you in my prayers. May God bless you.

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You’re welcome brother, I’m glad it helped you.

I pray GOD guide us out of that former state of darkness into light. May He bless you my friend.

Keep going strong.

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Day 4:
I had urges in the morning. Mood is normal but I can’t seem to find the motivation to study. I keep procrastinating. I can’t focus nor can I sit still for even an hour. I keep getting distracted.

God Bless.

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I browsed P like a maniac after waking up from sleep in the middle of the night. I was half unconscious. It was like I was possessed. By the time I came to my senses I was already touching my D. Since Porn is the greater evil, I’m resetting my streak. Monk mode is tough.

6hr -> 1 day -> 3days -> 4.8 days.

I’m improving. I won’t be sad or frustrated anymore. 13+ years of addiction can’t be conquered that easily.

With God and Christ close to my heart I will conquer this evil.

Things I should do.

  1. Never take my phone to my bedroom and buy an alarm clock.
  2. Never fantasize about anything inappropriate.
  3. Don’t even think of glancing at P.

I"ll use the app only for posting here.
God bless.

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One day at a time.
God bless

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Day 2:
Like every other day 2 , I didn’t have any urges. But I’m still a bit depressed from my last relapse. God bless.

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Day 6 :
Finally past my last streak. God bless.

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