On the verge of relapsing (25F)

I was waiting for a bus pretty late last night when some drunk man came and sat real close to me and pointed his phone my way and he had a porn video playing and I got away as fast as I could because he definitely had sinister intentions. But the incident has been playing in my mind and I haven’t been able to shake off the urge to watch porn. Last night I kept it under control but today I feel so weak. I feel like a fool for letting that abusive incident get to me like this. I needed to get it out of me. I’ve been clean 11 days, hard mode.

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Hi, I recomend you going out to a natural landscape or at the top of a hill so you can renew your mind. If you like reading, buy any John Muir’s book, it will help.

I had also encountered a familiar incident yesterday. A guy was watching porn sitting beside me in a crowdy auto. But your incident is very cruel because it was like molestation. You should have reported about the guys who did this to you … to the police.

Porn alone cant make us yield… we are responsible for our own downfall
:pray:

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The mistake you are doing is in your head. You are not weak. Or I would eather say that, whether you say you are weak or not, you are always right. It’s all in your head, PMO. So you have to work with your spirit, by doing meditation for example. I understand this experience may have been a little traumatising but life goes on and so do you. Find occupations, take up a new hobby, meditate and your urges will fade as you go on your streak. All you need is patience and determination.
Good luck

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I think what you are subconsciously fearing is the the crummy feeling that will come and stay for some time after you let go of the urge. That fear is keeping you from letting go of the high of the urge. I think it will help if you prepare yourself for some degree of bad mood and even panic after you release the urge. You could also remind yourself that you’ll feel equally bad anyway even if you gave in to the urge. After preparing yourself mentally like this for what is to come and making up your mind, you could take a cold shower or go for a long walk to let go of the urge for good.

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Thank you, this is great advice! I enjoy John Muir too. However I relapsed that night. I was home alone and foolishly gave in. Still, thanks. I see this community becoming a support. :slight_smile:

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Thank you so much! It’s men like you who are going to help bring in a better future.
I panicked and didn’t tell the cops or anyone. Just ran to the nearest area with more people and found my way home from there.

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Thank you! I’m learning to avoid the self pity that’s so quick to make excuses for me. And even though I am a high functioning person who excels at work and in relationships I know that PMO is creating a false sense of satisfaction. I want to stop deterring myself and fly high, you know?

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Excellent advice! I need to follow this, and I think I’ll make a list of reminders of why I chose NoFap to begin with. Thank you:)

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Catch yourself before you get on the verge again because trying to stop at that point is unimaginably harder than if you caught yourself when first slipping. Identify your triggers and outline your relapse history. In my experience, relapse happens over days even weeks leading to the moment you pmo NOT just the pmo itself. Change the way you think about what a relapse is. Every step… every micro step you take that leads you away from a healthy life and towards an unhealthy one should be considered as a major warning and dealt with in the beginning. The energy within to be used not to resist but channeled into positive endeavours.

We’re nearly the same age. It’s our time now. That’s a fact. Let’s build a life true to our ideal!

All the best,
a9518e

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@hellojaani That’s a good point about relapse building up over days if not weeks.

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You said it! All of that is wisdom right there, thank you. How have you been doing? I did relapse that night but now I’m back with a vengeance! Going strong and taking no chances. Someone else gave me similar cautionary advice to nip the triggers at the bud. Don’t even allow it to grow. Now if I get a thought or an image in my head I say ‘no’ out loud. Even if it’s a whisper it helps me greatly when I hear myself verbalise that resolve.

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When they’re applied, that’s wisdom otherwise, without application, they’re just words. Action precedes speech. “Look at what they do, not what they say,” - this is my goal hereon out, to let my actions speak. Also, to measure my day in terms of what I’ve done, not what I’ve not done. I’m consciously pursuing NoFap since mid 2016 so it’s about time I get serious.

Having said that, I relapsed after cracking 17 days over the weekend. Perhaps one of my longest streaks this year and that’s directly after coming out of a binge cycle. I like the verbalized rejection you’re doing. I do that as well in addition to writing, reading and exercise actively. I’ve made many contingency plans before… even videos of me talking to myself in the future.

This pmo shit is hard to break. Damn silent killer it is and attacks your weakest link. How long have you been trying to be sober?

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Words are pretty powerful too. You’ve said the right things and doing them is only step 2 because while you try to ‘do’ you have to keep telling yourself ‘why’ you do. Clearly, I believe in speaking the truth over my life.
I’ve been actively trying to break this habit for 2 months now. However, I started young and didn’t know how to kick it so I developed an apathy for decades which was only recently broken.
My working model for breaking the habit involves telling my accountability partner as soon as I feel the urge, stopping what I’m doing to meditate and pray, and briefly changing my environment.
Fighting the urge has proven to be so tough but I know I’m coming out victorious. This app has been really helpful too:) oh, and my longest steak (in all my life) is 12 days.

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Welcome aboard. Your story resonates with mine and so many of us. It’s uncanny the similarities between everyone’s stories… shows how truly deep the roots of pmo are, for virtual strangers to admit essentially the same symptomatic progression, the community is a huge help to bring that to light.

And yes… that’s it, the ‘why’ - that’s no joke to develop and nurture that inner voice that speaks the truth, brings about good and as if God’s speaking thru us. I was in a flow and achieved 50+ days twice last year as my record. I was actually pretty happy because it felt like my life had actual meaning and I mattered, that my existence made a difference. I had friends, I had an internship, I was exercising like crazy, I was with my family, I remember distinctively having the low if not negligible traces of negative emotion… and it was because I found my why.

Over time, urge rises and falls and the peaks and valleys get shallower and shallower if we integrate and absorb our vitality and put it to good use. I went to a new place shortly thereafter and rescinded to my old habits and lost my why… it could’ve been worse but I survived well. Until a few weeks ago, I was in hell. Now, climbing back out.

Lol there’s my short story (even though no one asked). What did you do differently to make it to your highest 12 days?

Thank you for sharing your story! I didn’t reply earlier because I wanted time to reply well and not just churn out a response. I like how you’re honest about all your shortcomings, as most of us are in the forum. I urge you to keep that inner voice bold and strong when it helps you choose wisely. We’re all defeating the same foe and I’m enjoying that shared determination.
I relapsed and fought hard to not isolate myself but I ended up withdrawing. I’m back now and trying again.

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helo on which day youre now

I missed this!
I had relapsed then but now I’m on day 32:)

good
have you ever felt social anxiety due to pmo

No, I’m on the other side of the spectrum. I don’t think describing is a good idea because triggers.

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