Omen is starting a diary (yaaay)

So I’m a student. I will graduate next summer. Probably :joy:.
Well. I’m 21. And I watched porn a lot and every type of past 8 years. Yeah that’s sad but it is what it is. Don’t ask for my high score. I don’t think I’ve ever gone more than a week without porn ever since I got trapped. If you ever think you’re a loser but your highest streak is better than this in so many years, think of me dude.
I’m a short, skinny and light guy. No girl was ever interested in talking in me except for something they needed from me or to say something mean. Yeah that’s me. I never worked at any company. I was the student of the year in the middle school. And I turned into lowest grades student in the university. Maybe I chose a wrong faculty, but it’s too late. I have no friends and I get for a walk alone. I don’t know how to ride anything be it a car a bicycle a skateboard or anything on wheels.
I think I had all the chances to become a successful rich and handsome man in my 21. But past 7 years were darker than the bathroom with no lights on. I smoke cigarettes I don’t know why I do that, I just sometimes feel like I have nothing else to do.
I have a pc, but playing video games makes me anxious and makes me feel like I’m a pixel guy that is not connected to the real planet. I’m not a social media boy. I hate to scroll other people pics and stories.
Well as you see, I’m an average life boy. Like 80-90% of boys would be. Is that ok? No, it’s awful.
Because I DON’T LIVE. I just exist.
I hate thinking about past or future. Because when I do I end up drunk or crying or there’s something new. 3 days ago I literally wanted to jump off to the abyss of the bridge. I overthought my life and I was under uncontrollable depression and so anxious that I was beating myself. This was a unique opportunity to leave the home at night. I was home alone. The bridge is just about half a mile from the apartment. I wasn’t really thinking about what would people think if they know I was struggling. I was walking down there, but hell it was cold. At the moment I felt I won’t get there. But I did. There is a walking side under the bridge. It was dark, but yuck, I even saw people having sex down there in the rubbishes. I got under the bridge and heck… I saw an officer. I thought I better just walk like I’m just passing. I don’t know if I’d do something, but if I would be arrested or something I would not like explaining anything to anybody. So that’s why I hate thinking about past or future.
This is me guys, call me Omen. Nice to meet everybody here. I like reading your posts. Don’t be shy to chat here.

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hey Omen,

congrats on your diary and your budding commitment!

i wish that you go ahead and get a great streak goin!

it saddens me to ehar that you think you ahve no friends that sounds very lonely-.- i hope that you find a sense of belonging som where soon maybe even here :slight_smile:

even though you have not turned out as a rich guy at 21 who says you can not be by 28?

i it is great that yoiu ahve not drowned your sorrows in games that si another dangerous addiction so you dodged a bullet there :wink:

i am glad that you decided to stay with us and not to surrender!
any reason to keep on going is a good reason you can find evne better as things moce on.
you made a great first step by talking about your troubles in some public way :wink:
here you won´t be shamed by anyone (atleast i ahve not read even one such post since i am here - fyi 6 days)

iam definietly looking forward to cahtting with you here :wink:

take care & have a good day!

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Heeey thank you :slightly_smiling_face:.
We can be friends here. I’m glad somebody replied.

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there will be more replies once people see have sincere you can be, and that you are commited to this rewire community:)

best luck with keepoing todays streak.

Did you get some replies yourself?

sure they do
here is some proof xD
my introduction that kinda escalated xD
1.
or here it took me some balls but it helps me to keep my daily streak going. maybe you would liek to join :smiley:
2.

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Two relapses today.
Heck this is hard.

Yes it can be. However like everything you have a choice. Reaction or responding to your surroundings feel free to find a mentor, read my Journey. You’re at the beginning of something worth doing Sir.

I love you but I can’t learn it for you brother

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So I woke up again. This life thinks I worth something and gives me new chance? Or it doesn’t give a fuck if I’m alive :joy:.
I have a small problem today. I don’t know what can I do today. I don’t have anything planned and anything interesting in mind.
I already feel the hardship of this journey.

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Start with one goal and reach it. Better yet write why you need to do this and leave it where you see it EVERY day. Then ask yourself am I working towards that end? Keep it simple. Stop counting days too. Total focus on self improvement.

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I didn’t even start counting them lol

Then focus on improving you. Not just about removing things but honing with you already have.

I always relapse at this time. I don’t know what to do instead.

Well if you know when study the why and counter it. Keep it simple. Knowing half the fight

hey @Omen99 you should definietly check the easy peasy way book or audiobook…
it helps quite many people and it introduces an easier way to quit PMO.
also @Lefty101 is totally right it is a process and overexerting nsself is often more destructive than beneficial

you will manage!
best regards

There’s one thing I understand so far.
If I believe that life is beautiful, I’ll understand that I don’t need any pmo.
However I don’t see beauty in my life.

In theory you are totally right xD
The issue is that your brain chemistry is and mind are probably hooked on porn and you will need both

  1. A ton of will power to Reber this in moments of weakness when you are stressed
  2. A lot of postive experiences to counterweight your currently bad memories and perceptions…

As you might imagine that is quite a bit so I am afraid you are fighting a difficult war if you are armed with only that belief…

As I said in theory you are completely right!
But in reality one needs to understand how one became addicted, what keeps you addicted and why one would even want to get clean…so you can get the Amazing live experiencess that you desire…

I hope that my words/arguments are comprehensive

Bests!

“For she is more beautiful than the sun, and excels every constellation of the stars. Compared with the light she is found to be superior, for it is succeeded by the night, but against wisdom evil does not prevail”

What does this mean?

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Wisdom is a beautiful thing :pray::heart: