I created this topic so that we all can discuss here
I request each of you who is connected to me to join this topic and we all will conquer it together.
I am joining brother
What is ur sharing code
My code is lsgywh
Send me a request or your code
Hey man… I’m with you… also i suggest you to start your own diary soon… i would love to keep try with it…
That’s exactly what I was thinking about brother
Thanks for being there for supporting me.
I will start writing very soon.
[25 JUNE 2021] [10:45 PM]
I will write here
What I will feel every day and maybe I will write once in 5 days because it’s difficult to arrange time for this
It’s day 10 and 10 hrs
And it’s night time
Im alone in the house from the last 4 days
But I have made my mind to be more aware at the beginning in this situation and I am doing fine till yet.
But from the last two days my schedule got haptic
I didn’t meditated from last 2 days.
I also didn’t studied enough
More precisely I will say that there is lack of concentration in the study.
Maybe because I didn’t meditated from last 2 days so I’m experiencing some stress now.
It’s very irritating feeling which I don’t want to feel.
But I know my emotions
And I also somewhat mastered in how to manipulate them for my benefit.
It’s just some amount of cortisol in my brain which is releasing due to lack of relaxation.
I have to get back to the meditation.
Im alone so it’s also a big test of me.
Sooner my family will be with me
This week was so much inspiring and beautiful for me.
I learned some new things.
I enjoyed some beautiful moments which normally people don’t pay attention in daily life.
Yes there are some urges I feel at some point but I trigger my action to something else and then I just observe what I was thinking but I don’t judge myself because I know this is the initial period of my streak.if I will judge myself then it will get more difficult for me.so I try to keep my reaction to the minimum which allows my mind to do it’s work smoothly.I know after sometime I will get used to it.i can feel the difference in my thought process as on day 1 it was like thoughts are arising constantly and I was reacting to most of them without being in the present but now it’s different.i am having lesser number of thoughts and I don’t react to many of them rather I analyse them that from where they are arising and where they are going.its a simple practice which is called as mindfulness but it’s very effective.i am loving it when there is not so much internal fight of thoughts within me and most of the part of me is at peace.
I will keep writing here.
In the upcoming days I will make sure I will study hard with lot of concentration and don’t worry much about my fears.i just want to live in the present.
I also want to reduce the amount of time I’m doing things which are rather unnecessary for me and want to utilise that time in something productive.
Im excercising well
But I think due to the covid vaccine which I have taken 3 weeks ago I can still feel some fatigue and soreness in my legs from the last 4-6 days.sometimes it’s difficult for me to calm myself during that pain but know that it will get better with time and relapse is not a option for me now.
Im grew up and I have to be mentally tough to do something great in life.i don’t want to do something I don’t enjoy.i want to enjoy and want to dive deep into something I love.
And I will make sure I will do my best.
I will try my best… always.
Brother you relapsed? What happened? What went wrong?
I did the mistake of edging.
Actually I learned a new thing.
I have to be careful about my subconscious mind.
When you are in half sleepy and half wake up mode which is called lucid dreaming…in that state your consciousness decreases…you can’t have full control on what you think.
I never touched my thing during the relapse
But the damage was done due to the constant release of dopamine for an extended period of time.
The next morning I could feel that change.
I also felt that tension which was not there in the past 15 days.
So I decided to begin once again.
Because I thought there is no point of holding on at that point.
Now I will try to be more aware of my thoughts in those situations.
And most importantly I want some changes now.
You can’t think about nofap all the time…yes being concious is ok but what’s more important is whether you are fully conscious of your thoughts in the negative situation or not.
Because in the initial period… everyone can feel motivated, energetic, focused but what makes you different is how you behave in tough situations.
So I will try again.
Hopefully I will get recover soon
Thanks for reaching out my friend.
You did the right thing brother…
And this is the main thing everyone should understand…
Today RELAPSED again
The cycle of chaser Is not leaving me.
I have to have some courage…
I can do this
I said that previously many times…
But I really don’t know why I’m failing everytime…
I lost my motivation…
I am not excercising well
I am not doing mindfulness practice from past few days…
Im such a loser now …
Why I can’t control my actions…
Why things tend to build up in my own head …
Once I am on a streak…I feel like I’m winning
But my own self proves me wrong everytime…
I think I think too much…
Sometimes I think I need something which is more addictive than this and at the same time will be useful and productive for me…
I know study can be this thing
But why I couldn’t continue in anything…
What happens to my brain?
There are many questions I have no idea what is the answer of them.
But I have to seek
I have to seek continuously
Maybe… one day
I tell this everytime when I start
But what happens next?
Maybe one day…
I don’t have any boundaries…
Don’t know when?
I really don’t what’s happening with me…
Im basically fucked up with myself…
I won’t pressurize myself now.
I guess it doesn’t work.
I have to think in different ways…
will…See what happens next…
No more goals
No more thinking about unnecessary things…
I want to live once again…
I don’t want to think what will happen tomorrow or what happened in the past…
But definitely I will try to learn from my mistakes…
Sunday, 10:30 PM
Here after 10 days
Last 10 days were the worst days
Relapsed continuously many times after 15 days streak.
I lost faith in myself in between these days.
Like it was not me but somebody else.
I joined this platform so I can get a company of people who are having similar thoughts like me.
But I am now feeling like a complete failure.
I wanted to help people here.
But I’m one of them who is disappointing a lot of people not only here but in my life.
I didn’t wanted to be like this.
But I really don’t know what is the reason I lost control.
Im not able to define that situation after 10-15 days
I don’t really know what happens there.
But one thing I know
I resist and react too much
I tried to minimise my reactions but I got failed again.
Maybe I’m not trying continuously.
Maybe this time I can do more than I did previously.
But I don’t really want to think about it too much.
Because it really hurts like a hell when you think it as a win or lose.
I just want to live in this present moment only.
Now I will not make strategy for days ,weeks or months…I will make strategies for hours like 8 hours…6 hours…
And whenever I will feel that irritating moments after sometime…I will think about strategy for only 3 hours…2 hours…1 hours…even a single minute…
But I will not think of something which is beyond my vision… beyond my thinking… beyond my current thought process.
That’s what I will do now
Because it’s not that I’m doing something great if I didn’t do that because there are other goals in life which are more important than all of this.
God doesn’t know you have this addiction.
It created by yourself.
He gave each and everyone equal opportunities.
It’s your job what you make out of it.
I will write here every day now…
Whatever I like…
Even if it would be some lines…
But I will write write write…that’s it.
I am feeling much better now from what happened in past.
Im in peace.
Im in control.
Im not putting my mind into it.
Im just living simply in the moment.
And I want to do that in this way.
I want to be so busy that I can feel the real peace at the end of the day.
I want to exhaust myself so that I have no energy and thought or any kind of thinking about that.
But I have to be more aware
More mindful this time.
I don’t want to panic.
I want to take everything with atmost calm and peace.
That’s the biggest challenge in front of me.
Whenever I will feel my heartbeat and sensations will increase I have to bring them down to the earth…
. gently… with peace.
I must have to learn surfing on the wave of ups and downs in life…
I think if I can do that…I will be free from anything.
I took the time to accept myself as I am
Im not in a hurry now
Im at peace while writing this.
And I don’t want to take this life more serious now
Already done it in the past and I know what was the result.
I don’t care what happened yesterday and I don’t know what will happen in future.i just know this moment.nothing else.
And I’m the one who has control over this moment.its nobody other than me here.
And I know what is right what is bad.
I want to explore the new possibilities of life.
I want to dive deep into something that I forget what time it is.
Because Time is our ellusion.
It’s not get past by thinking about it.
It gets past when we engage ourselves in the productive activities we love doing.
Im feeling better now.
And I will win one day against myself.
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