[NeverGiveup420] Forget counting days and improve everyday. My journey of self development

Bruh when I heard slipped I thought you maybe peeked or something, watching an animated movie isn’t a slip in anyway :joy:.

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Haha :joy:, oh boy

Yes you are right. Actually I’m trying to hold myself accountable to a higher standard. Also I know my pattern of relapse and it all starts with wasting time and perusing entertainment which in reality is the perusit of dopamine.
So my efforts are aimed at stopping at the beginning. That’s why I consider this as a slight slip.

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Oh ok that I can understand.

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Check in Day 46

I almost relapsed at day 46 … Here’s my advice

It was the most difficult day till now. I almost relapsed. Once you start walking on the path to get pleasure, you surrender your control. Then it’s very difficult to stop. One must never surrender control in the beginning if one wants to live a PMO free life.

Here is the story. Yesterday watching an animated movie opened up the path to watching a movie. It was related to boxing, it was clean generally but had some triggering scenes. I protected myself from peeking at those but I could feel the desire to watch them grow inside me.

For the movie I almost skipped my routine. But by Allah Almighty’s help I did go for exercise and Quran class.

I was still trapped by the movie. After I came home I completed the movie while protecting my eyes. I skipped the night prayer in masjid. And this was a big mistake. After I finished the movie, I kept searching the movie site casually but I knew deep down that I was looking for triggering movie covers. My search did not ended me up at porn sites nor did I masturbate or edged. But for a few minutes my guard was down and I saw some non nude triggering content. I am not proud of myself.

Thank God I did not relapse. This is a clear warning. I must compensate for the damage to my willpower. My level has decreased from 2 to 1. I was at level 3. In order to truly lead a PMO free life, I must strictly follow my routine and increase my self control everyday.

As I am typing this now, I can still feel the desire to peek but I will not. It’s not worth it. I worked so hard. I will not waste it.

It’s day 46 and it doesn’t mean anything to me now. All that matters is your self control when the moment of weakness and decisive action presents itself. I may be at day 46 or day 460, if I haven’t focused on improving my self control and willpower everyday, I will fall at that moment.

My advice is forget the days, just focus on your essential skills of willpower, self control and discpline. These are the most important skills that will help you save yourself from a relapse and not your number of days.

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I am feeling this now a days, especially after you posted about that how that movie was a source of dopamine your mind was seeking, yesterday especially because I didn’t get good sleep my willpower felt low, I watched like 2 episodes of sitcom instead of one which fits in my routine, but then after 2 episodes I wanted to watch one more episode even though I was getting late for sleep and I immediately realised if I watch one more I might end up searching some stupid things which might lead to relapse. So I stopped and went to sleep.
I am also coming across a lot of women now a days and I might have been getting some weird thoughts because of that, I need to keep myself in check in such situations and not look/think about anyone in a perverted sense, one more reason is that I am in a new place, it has been around 5 days since I am here and I still haven’t been able to make a proper routine, I need to find time to make a proper timetable and routine.

Ah seeing your post helped me realize some of my weak points too, thanks, stay strong

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Mention not bro

Too late for that

I did

I’m still processing my fall. I’m weak at willpower now. I need to solve this relapse. I need to analyze the events and prepare a strategy for the future. I have to fight my dopamine deprived brain in order to quit successfully.
I’m afraid I’ll fall into chaser effect. I’m really confused and angry. I’m sad at myself. Why did I waste all my hard work. :frowning:
But I know I’m an idiot and a stubborn person who will refuse to give up and try again.

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Oh shit, nooo.

You didn’t waste all of it dude, you are still 7-8 kgs lighter than you were before this streak. Just focus and pick yourself up, you’ve got this.

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Thanks bro… Today I started again but I fell again to the chaser effect. I’ll start again tomorrow. I have gained valueable experience. I now know what the final challenge is that I have to complete to successfully quit PMO.
This time I’ll focus all my energies at discipline, willpower and self control.
I will work hard to prepare myself for the moment of weakness. Preparing for this fight is my goal now.

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You are cutting in things too much. Its okay to watch some decent movie or listen some music. It’s totally fine.

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Thanks for the advice… I’ll take it slow this time.

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Bruh do what suits you and what you feel right for yourself, everyone gives advices but only we can pull ourselves out of it no one else can.

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Thanks bro… I’ll do my best… You are doing awesome… Keep going!

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Check in Day 1

After 2 days of miserable chaser effect and realizing that the promise of pleasure was just an empty promise like always, I’ve gained enough control to finish day 1.
There are things you learn from winning. And there are things only defeat can teach us. I either win or I learn.

I made it to day 46 by hard work. There is no way a day or 2 of relapse washes all the positive habits and effects I’ve gained away.

I’m back with a new motivation. My goal is to attain self control and prepare myself for the moment of weakness. Days are just a number. All that matters is how strong you are mentally and emotionally at one moment of choice.

I’ve decided to not stay stuck in a chaser effect. I’ll live my life to the fullest. I will try my best to live a PMO FREE life. If unfortunately I relapse, then I will gain back my momentum in least number of days and live again like a free man. I won’t cry or hide. I won’t destroy my hardwork in chaser effect. I won’t think I’m an addict if I relapse. I Will forgive myself and move on living my life improving everyday.

Just chill. Do hardwork. After relapse, learn from it and start again.

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Day 0, I’m back to try again :joy:

Well, after a few days spent in chaser effect I’ve realized the following things:

  1. My new goal is to be productive everyday, exercise, study to increase knowledge and practice self control and patience.
  2. I won’t set my goal to not PMOing forever. I will only try my best to improve everyday and achieve maximum streak that I can. From there I’ll improve my self control after every relapse.
    This is necessary to save my mental health after a relapse. I forgive myself. It doesn’t matter if I relapse. But it matters if I stay down. Now I don’t mean to accept relapse.i won’t accept relapse. I will try my best to become the best version of myself. But If I have relapsed, then I must not focus on my failure. I will focus on learning from my relapse and improving.
  3. I won’t focus on counting days. I’ll focus on self development.
  4. I will develop discipline.
  5. For a difficult task, I won’t use my willpower… I won’t… But I Will use positive suggestions to fool myself. Like it’s easy… I can do it… It a child’s play.
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Check in Day 1

I did good today. It’s day 1. I still need to free myself from the chains of screen addiction.

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Check in Day 2

Ive stopped worrying about nofap. I won’t stress about it. I’ll just chill. I’ll focus on study and exercise. I’ll have fun and also enjoy movies and anime.
And when I’ll be triggered, I will not panic. Ill just talk to myself words of appreciation that it’s easy to not PMO. Nothing bad will happen if I don’t fap. Just relax.
This is a new strategy. It’s like the easy peasy way. I’m afraid about the results but I won’t learn if I don’t try. Let’s see what happens. :joy:

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Check in Day 3

Chilling in the face of urges and horniness. It will be alright.

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Doing the same :joy::joy::joy::joy::joy:

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Now I’m depressed in the face of relapse :joy:
I need some serious thinking to do. I’ll come up with a new plan and motivation soon.

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Why 420 after neverGiveUp? Just a curious question. Also, I skimmed your journal and what I felt is that you need to develop new habits at the same time when you are quiting PMO. I’m also a newbie here but my main focus is to change my old self. PMO is just a part of it. This is what I feel.
Alhamdulillah for everything brother.

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