felt a very minute spark of my younger self. The one who was academically brilliant.
It’s been years to that guy.
And I realize that he is not enough, I need to be someone superior to him. This journey is going to be a lot more complicated than I thought. I’m surprised that it surprised me yet again. I gotta hold on no matter what
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Hello brother
Thanks a lot for ur diary
It gives immense motivation
Woll start my own diary to be accountable
thank you
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I’m so fucking scared again. My thoughts wondering whether I will be able to achieve my goal or not.
I can focus better but I’m still afraid. My memory has got better but not enough. How do I fight any of this I have no fucking idea. But as I’m writing this it occurs to me that the only way to tackle this down is the way through this situation.
Still scared. Screaming due to insecurities inside. If people would see me they’d think I’m some crazy dude with mental problems. Maybe that’s not false either.
The opening is still very much far away.
I gotta fight. I gotta hold on. Only I can pull myself out of this and no one else can. I will not give up. Not yet. On your feet again soldier. Doesn’t matter you’re scared or weak or whatever. Hold on soldier
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Those with addictions have their brains wired more like ancients. It can be a curse but also a blessing.
The same brain that wants one (destructive) thing badly can be made to pursue an impossible task indefinitely. And achieve that
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Rewire 2.0 ends today
Tomorrow Rewire 3.0 starts. I’m going to a new direction in life.
Life was quite simple earlier. When I left fapping I was happy that I wasn’t fapping. I didn’t think about other things then. Things are more complicated now and hence I’m growing. I’m being better than before.
Challenges will be tougher too. Me being ready or not doesn’t really matter. There will be no perfect time when I’ll be able to face things. I just have to face them. It’s time to leave the weaknesses behind and be better. One step closer to being the indestructible monster I’ve always wanted to be.
I will keep fighting till the end. And I’m definitely going to create a difference before my life ends.
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kab tak bhagte rahega chutiye
how long can you keep running away?
sooner or later it will get you. Running away is not an option. fighting back is the only option
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This is a great diary bro. I can see that you are in this hustle to get your shit together. Remember you are not alone; we are all with you. We are all struggling with the same kind of insecurities, addiction, suffering and hardships. But whatever it takes; even death, we will succeed. We will give everything we have got and will leave this world after achieving the dream of our life and after fulfilling our highest potential.
I am with you bro. We are together; keep going and always keep the inner fire burning
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thank you bro, appreciate it
that’s exactly what I’m going to do. It’s now or nothing
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Bro, I have read can’t hurt me and applied many of those principles by Goggins
In my experience, his method will work only in the short term. If you are in a hard phase of your life, his method can help a lot in getting out of it
But in the long term, totally embracing pain, suffering and pushing past it won’t work. Burn out will happen.
It happened that way for me.
Mix his ideas with yours and try to find a middle path, like Buddha said.
We are together; whatever happens we will move forward bro 
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I’m desperate man. I’m crying. I’m doing whatever works for me. Last two days I pushed myself hard for sure. And my body went numb. I felt that numbness in the body for hours. I wanted to run away. At times I even ran away, but I got back.
Today I couldn’t do anything. But at least I got a hope that whatever I did in past two days, I can do it again.
I remember when I quit nofap cold turkey after my breakup. That pain and anger due to breakup increased and increased to the point and then it couldn’t hurt me anymore. I just want to feel it again. That strong version of me. It was just a momentary thing, but I swear it was worth it. I was not scared. I was pumped up beyond anything. It’s all I want man. It’s probably the single most important thing in my life right now. My own clear conscience that is not afraid at all.
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felt a stronger will today
exercise was almost effortless
I guess all these months paid off a little
hoping to increase my endurance more because this is still not enough. I need it 10 times more
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I will need this pain. It is my greatest strength.
Everyday.
About to hit day 150
Yesterday I fought like a monster.
I confronted my anxiety and I held on pretty good. I studied when I didn’t wish to and surprisingly I even made my studies a little easier. I was able to study.
But at the end of the day fever gripped me. I kept recalling that picture. Of Goggins’s palm. I want to know how that hope can sustain itself in his mind even when you’re at your worst. I want to know just how can he fight back even while going through so much pain. Maybe I can’t be him, not right now. But there’s a state of mind when the prey is cornered by the predators and now knows that it can’t run away. So it starts to attack the predators, the same predators it was scared of at first. Even when it is outnumbered. I’m pretty sure humans can do it too.
Tapping into that vastness of human potential is definitely not easy. But it can be done.
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I will not go down this easily.
I still have a lot of life left within me.
I’m not a survivor anymore, I’m a fighter.
These conditions have been harsh but I’m even harsher. The only way In stopping is when I’m dead.
Everything looks like it is falling apart. But I will not give up. Frustration and tears is alright. Pain is alright. I just have to move myself through this. Somehow just hold on to the thoughts. No one can help me. Only I can pull myself out of this gutter. Only I can. And I will pull myself out.
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Addiction to pleasures can be detrimental, whereas addiction to success can make you an overachiever.
I just have to replace one addiction with another
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