Neo's Diary: I will definitely win

Date: 17 march 2020

I relapsed 7 times in last 3 days and 16 times in march till now. ( last 17 days):expressionless::confused:

I am not addicted to porn as in my past time there were months …i had not watched porn but i can’t understand… last to last week i watched a single porn after that idk what happened…its like a hangover then again again i am tempting to porn… Any ways i know i can quit porn easily… porn is not my problem.

This journey is to stop fap and for semen retention.

Here is my plan:

  1. first and most important…not going to masturbate by watching porn at any cost…

  2. this addiction is from years and thus i think, it can’t be overcome in one shot. So what i am gonna do is to target at least 15 days… after 15 days, surely i will try to continue it but not bound me to not to do fap… benifit of it is… i will not get that feeling of regret after relapse.
    When i’ll get used to…to 15 days then inrease it.

  3. make my gf aware of losses and harmfull effects of masturabtion and not talk to talk to her at night.

  4. “if you want something you never had…you have to do something you have never done”

Based On this quote…

  • i will start morning walk ( as i woke up i will go to walk… not considering any particular time for waking up)

  • walk after lunch or if want to sleep then will sleep with my father and never gonna sleep alone in noon😆

  • very long walk after dinner so that i will get tired and sleep as soon i lay on bed.

*not going to use my phone in bed while laying …NEVER

I WILL DEFINITELY FOLLOW THIS PLAN AND UPDATE DAILY HERE.

I WELCOME YOUR SUGGESTIONS GUYS… IF YOU THINK THIS PLAN MAY FALL SOMEWHERE THEN PLEASE MAKE ME AWARE SO THAT I CAN CHANGE IT ACCORDINGLY OR TAKE PRECAUTIONS.

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Great plan brother @neo_150… All the best​:+1::muscle::muscle:

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Well, turn your wifi off at night before bed cold showers and reading books could only help.

I love you but I can’t learn it for you.

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I am following same thing brother @neo_150
I go for Jogging in the morning everyday(even after Relapse)
The point is when we relapse we have low on energy… And we feel lazy…
Now tell me why do you think you’ll be consistent in your habit? Is there any backup plan if this plan won’t work?

You’re correct till some extent, but as per my opinion we should quit both because actual problem is masturbation*
Every action ends here only…

This is well said I am totally agree with you, when we relapse if we curse our-self then we stuck there only…
And that loop of relapsing thought starts in our head, when we feel the inferior and isolate our-self.
I personally experienced it…

This is great idea… I agree, we relapse… when we feel confi on bed mostly… It’s good decision not to use phone when you’re sitting on bed.

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Its quite cold now a days… and yes in summers i always take shower before bed. From april i will start this…Thanks brother

Yes bro… actually what i feel is… it is not the masturbation which affect us… its our thoughts what comes after relapse which affect us most… because when we think negative, cursing ourself… all hormones secret in our body affect us… where as when we do sex… we are not in a state of regret… we feel self satisfaction and after sex i never feel… depressed and all that… thats why i plan to make a cycle of 15 days first… then i increase the time of that cycle… it may take time but i know it will not take 10 years… (my addiction is from last 10 years)

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Date: 18 march 2020
A clean day guys
No urges
70% plan followed

Only need your prayers and support guys…

Date: 19 march 2020
Day: 0 again

Mistake:

  1. Not followed my plan
  2. Talk to gf some sexual stuff on call which ends up in relapse.

Learning and further steps:

  1. What i see positive in it is that my plan is perfect and after this my believe in plan is more.

  2. Have made permanent solution of my gf… made her swear on my life for atleast 15 days to not relapse and not to talk about any type of sexual stuff.

#guys also, i got some serious urges in last night and in noon but this 15 day plan is really helpfull to counter urges. There is a feeling that ok i have to control only for 10 days or 15 days then it become easy in comparison of very big target.

#15 day target is also gave me solution to handle my gf. Previously when i was on 7th day(longest streak)… i relapsed due to same gf, sexting etc problem but now i can counter it.

#also i am adding in my plan that i will make it to 30 days after 7 successfull completion of 15 days relapse plan(atleast 15 days) that is around month of july from now.

And yes i want some serious suggestions from you…about following:
actually i was thinking that this 15 days and then 30 days and then 45 days and so on… means this step size of 15 days. Is it good or i should take more baby steps like 7 days step size.

Date: 21 march 2020
Day 1 completed successfully

My plan is working for now… only 70 percent plan followed yet but in my relapse cycle that is in noon and at night… i follow my plan seriously and keep reminding myself that i will end up in relapse if not follow my plan.

But I know for completing target of bigger days…i have to follow my plan fully as morning walk and meditation going to help me in those days… next step is to complete remaing 30 %

And yes… plan of walk after lunch is not working… actually outside weather in noon is hot and cant go for a walk… have to think something djfferent for noon…

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I agree👆🏻 if you plan something and not serious about it can be the reason for your relapse…!!

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Date: 22 march 2020
Days: 2 days 12 hours now

Clean day… only 1 or 2 urges without any trigger from phone etc… i ignored it completely and went to another room and sit with other family members…watched tv. HAPPY FOR THIS

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Awesome!!! Don’t forget reading just as important, as in actual books. Keep up the journey brother.

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Date: 23 march 2020
Day 3 completed

Not followed my plan but yeah made myself too busy in studies, also as my days are increasing… my focus in studies is increasing itself, also i have some interviews in may and now i am taking them seriously and putting efforts… i know its all happening due to semen retention. I have experienced it so many times.

Last night i got serious urge after talking to my gf (broke my plan here) but i started discussion on carrier related and study related things with her and open rewire app read some messages and as my urge gone… i said good night to her and slept peacefully… haha :laughing::grin: (my trick worked)

But yes… i want to share that… once i had done this mistake… same situation happend last to last week and i said gn to her while having urge…but my urge was at peak and i ended up in relape…thats y…last night i continue talking to her and changed topic.
I am happy that i remember that mistake and not repeated it.

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its very important to know your trigger before you take any action because there you can take ownership, and remind yourself that you have an option to not to fap/ regret for your repetitive mistakes.

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Yeah bro…i have felt that when we commit same mistake and relapse then its more heart breaking, depression and all that negative thoughts. But when we relapse due some kind of new type of trigger then there is not that much negative thoughts and there is a feeling to learn from that mistake and not repeat it in future.

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Day 0 again… :cry:
I fucked up everything.
Afternoon + not followed plan + 4th day…and i relapse.

Idk what happen… after having lunch… i feel ao much tired…fatigue… bored and all… i tried to study…tried to sleep… but nothing happened well. Then i started phone played game but it didn’t work and feel bored then i start youtube(here the thing started) and got triggered then my gf called and relapse done…

Idk… right now i am feeling so much weak in front of my brain…my brain messed up all the things and take me there… dont know how to handle this… suggest some better plan for noon.

Okay so I have planned to avoid todays mistake in future…

  1. Going to Target 7 days only (not 15 days) from now.
  2. If i will have todays type of feeling of boredom and fatigue… i will try… walk outside, play skme game with kids, or just listen music.
  3. In noon amd night… always open this app and again see my plan and my aim.
  4. And going to update this diary in noon only

I think blaming your gf is bad thing because you can tell her not to do, which triggers you… And she will follow…
It’s totally your mistake and accept it brother… Once you started accepting your mistake and not making excuses then you start improving…
As you got triggered with YouTube then block that application with some AppLock app…
When you’re bored try to read the storybooks… You would feel good and you won’t get it how time passed so fast…
Otherwise play chess(if you have physically, don’t use mobile for this) which train your mind… And help you in your patience skill…!!
Walk outside is only work few times kindly think something which will help you some way in career…
We have a mind which generates incredible ideas use it… If not work use other…
As you already make this plan before also(walk outside) as it won’t work then why don’t you change your plan?
Kindly search for new Accountability partner… He can help you to make a perfect plan… Doing alone won’t work at all…!!
(Kindly ignore me I have many people under me)

Brother i am accepting my mistake… thats why i wrote in first line that “i fucked up everythig”… its only me who did this…

I did not go for walk due to lockdown… thats why its still in plan… but good thing of lockdown is that everyone is at home and quite idle… i am gonna use this now.

Date: 26 march 2020
Day: 1 day 19 hours… completed

I am back again guys… cannot write diary as it took some time for me to reboot, restart again with that motivation and confidence, also its really important to be serious about writing here so that i do not become comfortable about writing my relapses again and again…writing this diary also help me to overcome my urges.

So again… one more time…with a plan… i am going to BOUNCE BACK.