Today’s entry will be just [notes to self], because today has been a day of revelations and reflection. [Basically, I got jack-shit done. But, the day wasn’t entirely worthless and I’m writing down the thoughts that hit me - what I learned from today.]
The habit creates the lifestyle, and lifestyle enforces the habit. So, in order to change the habit, you must change the lifestyle you enforced with it, along with the attitude and mindset that came with it. I have, for the past few days, focused all my attention and energy, trying to fight the enemy, that I didn’t pay any attention to my battlefield. Mistake number one.
Porn has been in our lives for so long. Some longer than others. The changes it made, are an endless loop, a chain of causes and effects. For example : Our social awkwardness might have led us to porn, then doing porn amplified that lack of social skills into full blown social anxiety and depression. Stress while studying leads me to porn, and after the act, it leaves mew more stressed and after sometime I am drawn to it even more!
What I did not realise is that I need to reverse this loop, to be rid of this habit, to succeed at NoFap. I shouldn’t try to improve social skills after quitting porn, that wouldn’t make either any easier. I should instead, improve my lifestyle in a way that both go hand in hand. I should try to improve my social skills, which would give me incentive to quit porn, at the same time staying away from masturbating, which motivates me further to follow this new change. I have charted out for myself (I am still working on that, will post as soon as it is conpleted.)
Let’s all think to ourselves. What day are we more likely to relapse? A perfect beautiful day where we hit all targets, had awesome conversations with a bunch of people, flirted with a number of hot girls (or hot guys, your preference ), worked out to our limit, made a lot of money OR a shitty ass day, where we woke up late, didn’t shower, got too lazy to go out, and sat in all day in bed, doing nothing but bingeing content like a zombie? A zombie lifestyle induces zombie habits. It also works the other way around. An electric flux induces a magnetic field, also the other way around, and when they periodically and harmonically dance around, it becomes an insane badass electromagnetic wave.
The wave I generate, in what direction is my choice, my will. Only I am responsible. I am the EXTREME OWNER of my actions. Not anyone else, not circumstances, not my upcoming, not my parents, not my neighborhood I grew up in, certainly not God (this steadfast faith made me an atheist and non-religious), EVERY THING I DO, is mine, and mine alone. I control where I go, what I do. I am responsible. I CHOOSE THIS. I choose my wave, it’s intensity, its amplitude, it’s direction. The wave I’ve been transmitting till now, was something I’ve been ashamed of. I am changing it. I am leaving it behind.