Everytime I start something and always fail in consistency,then again end up in porn,masturbation,video games addiction and days passing without any good work.
I really really need to change and built positive habits and achieve something worthwhile but always fail to do so.
I feel like I have good potential to do things but in reality I cannot,always giving some excuses,easily getting distracted,overthinking,over planning but action is very less sometimes nothing.
I need to built habit of reading 8 to 10hours a day(Which I needed to clear the exam I m preparing for)
I need to workout like 2 to 3 hours a day(because I love to be very fit)(In past i had this habit of working out with like a year consistency)
I need built habit of meditation.
I need to be good at talking to girls and i need more friends.And get a better pair of mine because I only wish for love marriage.
Everything is in the list of “NEEDs” for years…Nothing comes in reality. I am living now with regrets and depression.
Guide me please
I can say only advise with three simple yet powerful words - Start Acting Now!
Hope that rings bell!
All the best.
I started acting many many times bro but everytime it was like a boomerang, I keep on failing always. Hope is losing day by day.Even to escape this addiction I tried vipassana meditation 2 times(20days)…but even I failed to cope with that. I said this because of your name buddha.
I understand what you are talking about. But the main point here is regularity, self-discipline and ability to put away temporary pleasure for one’s own good.
Be regular, train your brain over time. It may be painful initially. But once you overcome that pain to leave the comfort zone, I bet the happiest person will be you. .
PS. Also please analyse your past mistakes, learn from them. Try not to repeat them. If you are really sincere about it. You will make it for sure. You can consider taking SWOT analysis test for more clarity. Last but not the least- Know Thyself and act accordingly.
Hey brother @Busyman, from my experience the thing I wanna tell u is, for me when I began doing those positive habits like working out,reading a book, socializing… I always made some kind of progress but when I masturbate while developing those habits things got very difficult. By that I mean when for instant if I work out for 2 weeks then relpase then I feel like the progress that I made the last 2 weeks is gone, it may not be true but it felt like it. so I always made progress but I was also making the same kind of progress because I was starting from the beginning. So in fucks u up going through the same progress again and again not able to go further that much(I hope u understand what I am trying to say). Without making it complicated for me when I stopped being addicted and far from fapping things started to change and I started progress much better and It didn’t go to the beginning like before so what I learned was u can’t fight two battles at once, u can’t fight both ur addiction and life at the same time or its very hard, just leave the PMO addiction at all coast and I promise to u the consistency and progress will come to u.
Well said dear @Angelo34. Having a positive attitude and firm mindset is very important in our life , especially when we want to make bad habits vanish for forever. Also it’s a gragual process. So no need to be impatient.
Thanks bro. I try to built that. But how I need to train for that? Here I saw many people studying for hours like years but I cannot, I study for 8hours a week then leaving it. So I have potential but lag in potential maybe due to addiction as @Angelo34 bro said.
If I fap in morning I feel like a big energy loss then whole day is like a failure… Then again fap that’s fucks up my life
I tried to quit many times bro. I reach some good numbers like a month, 2 month then again fail.then again from first. I cannot able to cope up with consistency on anything. It just frustrates bro.
Things start from your thought process. First try to avoid bad thoughts and triggers which make you fall again and again. Replace bad thoughts with good and positive one.
Have a life goal, work towards it. Make your body, brain and spirit busy.
And yes pls start following your routine religiously, no matter what…
Also be patient and regular in training your thoughts, body and spirit.
Things will fall in line.
Also please note that Rome was not built in a day.
If you are not regular in long sitting please do not worry. Break your tasks into smaller subtasks and complete them in smaller sittings.
Also you have mentioned that you have been regular for an year. So you already have the potential. Use your last experience as guiding tools for higher jump.
And please do not compare with others, atleast in initial stages. Compete with yourself before you compete with others.
Hope you excel in your endeavours.
Hey man, numbers don’t mean anything, u could be on 1000th days and steal not feel free or happy. And the people studying 8hrs and u not doing that it means nothing, don’t compare ur self to others. I believe the only way u ever gonna feel free from PMO is if u connect with ur self, with ur feelings, why I am doing Pmo, why do I feel bad after a relpase, why do I keep coming back to porn even tho its harming me so much, asking those kinds of question makes u very close to the truth, I believe if u know the truth about PMO, How it works , how it affected u then things will get very very easy. To do that it requires going through a lot of dark place into ur past, which u don’t want to but for me when I did that when I became real with myself things started to progress
Okay bro. I start Journaling deep here itself. Hope I will change this time. Thanks again
I thinks your subconscious negativity is creating bad conditions in your life.
Maybe it works at some level. Rewrite the subconscious mind. Mostly subconscious mind runs the life. How to train subconscious mind.? I know only one way. Autosuggestion / self talk / visualization. Clearly and simple Write down what you wants. Morning and night read it 2 times until you feels faith in that written.
If we mix emotion of faith in any thought then it works. When a software goes into subconscious mind. It works automatic. Things happens automatic/unconscious. How much time it takes.? Normally 1_3 months. In some cases it takes 6 months or more.
I try that for sure. Thanks
Everything that you’ve mentioned is perfectly fine bro. But I see one element in all of that, which might be leading to your failures. I see expectations everywhere. You create plans, you have expectations from that plan, but you aren’t able to follpw your plans and then you realize that you won’t be able to meet your expectations. This makes you sad and you seek peace and pleasure to get out of it. So, you watch porn or just masturbate to ease down the tension. eg, You wish to be better at talking to girls, expecting that one of those girls will fall in love with you and then you two will marry. But my question to you is this bro, what if you can’t even get a girlfriend from this let alone marriage? Will you consider yourself a failure and then watch porn to overcome the frustration and grief of failure? You see bro, there’s a problem there. You feel that things can be achieved only this way, so you only follow that way to achieve some expectations which you aren’t able to meet, and hence you fall back into the same trap. You have to recognize this fact that if following some plan is ok, then not being able to do it is also ok. You must have a plan of what to do if you fail in your plans , at the very moment when you’re making plans of what will happen if you’ll succeed. Recognizing the positivity of negativities is no less important than the pursuit of positivity itself.
“If we believe that life can be ruled by reason, then all the possibility of life is destroyed.” - Chris McCandless
There are people who become IAS toppers studying hardly 3 hours everyday, there are ugly introverts who have hundreds of friends, there are fat, bald stupid men with super pretty women… These are odds, but odds do exist bro. So, don’t blame yourself for everything, making yourself an offender and then also a victim … Accept that this is YOU.
And bro, having a millions of friends mean nothing if none of them stand with you in difficult times. Friends aren’t made, friends happen. Friends are those people who stand the test of time, and definitely there can’t be many such people in one’s life. Love marriages are good, but there’s no evidence that arranged marriages are bad. In fact this has been found that divorce rates in arranged marriages is much lower than in the case of love marriages. But then again, don’t trust everything. Know what you want to do, work for it, do whatever you can to achieve it, but then don’t have expectations that you’ll achieve it. Just work. Nothing else. If there are some days when you can’t do what you want, sit down and relax, probably prepare a new plan if that plan is too hard for you, or just make your mind that you’ll follow it from the next moment. Thats it.
Some days I am really doing nothing brother. Just youtube,games,distractions,fapping,porn.
I dont except to be a topper. But atleast I wish not to be failure. I dont wished my plans 100 percent wanna work, but atleast 50 percent.
Falling into the same trap of things again and again is just killing me inside.
How to accept me as myself even in this time?
How to simply accept all this failures? Failing for years.
Sometimes I feel like all of my hard work are simply wasted(10th,12th,college everything…because no single penny from it,no discipline,no habits I earned,lots of time wasted,addicted)…continuous failure is very tiring bro.
What mindset I need to have to feel good now and forever?
i would recommend you to start with small steps like 4 hours or 3 hours a day for a week then when you achieve it increase the time.
You should feel happy that you just failed. You should be sad when you quit.
You failed many times and thats why you know what sucess means.
You should have urges for sucess. Not for porn and fapping and spreading your seeds in toilet brother.
Just wait for 1 week without porn and then you will work hard.
I thought the same bro. Definitely trying from tomorrow onwards. Huge plans and expectations is draining me