Ncaldwe22's nofap journal

Been a long time since I’ve been on this app and I think it’s time I got back on it. Ever since I left the community I have been compulsively watching porn. I just completely fumbled with a woman who liked me. Now she won’t talk to me. It stung, but it showed me the struggle I have with pornography. I left the community because I didn’t agree with how women were viewed. I saw a lot of negative ideologies and frankly some outright hatred of women who didn’t deserve it. I am hoping this time my experience will be a mix of the benefits of nofap (mindset, focus, time mangement) without the negativity regarding women. I need to belong to something, but it has to be something that heals me, not makes me sick. Good day to you all, glad to be back, and go spread some light into the world today.

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On day one, and NNN is tomorrow. I have had a decent day, and am coming out of a period of negative self image. I feel lethargic at the moment because I had caffeine this morning. I debated whether to drink coffee, especially since I have a heart condition. However, I have been on the road a lot recently and have drank coffee almost every trip. Since I have had coffee so much, the decision was far easier to chose something unhealthy for me rather than the healthier choice.

It has been a good day, but a long day, emotionally. Not bad, but definitely not the best. I have a 12 page group paper due tomorrow and afaik my group members have not contributed to the writing. They are good people with busy schedules, but the deadline is still a burden in my mind. I have been getting some lower grades on assignments than I normally do since I have not taken the time to understand a new instructor’s grading style. Furthermore, I have been struggling with feelings of isolation lately.

The good thing is that, even though I feel isolated, I have friends who generally care about me. Furthermore, even though I am nervous about these assignments I generally manage to come through every time. I am abstaining from PMO this this month so that I can hopefully get my mind in order and regain control of my time. I am going to spend my the next 4 days abstaining and getting some of energy back. Then I will spend the next 5 days establishing a routine. After which, I will begin to fine tune my routine and self care habits. I have faith that I can do this, because the outcome is better than where I am now. Good day to you all, go spread some light into the world.

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You’ll need real life accountability to succeed if you haven’t got that set up already … I personally dont find that online posting is enough. I need phone numbers and conversations on the phone, on WhatsApp. Accountability software which hasn’t worked for me in the past. I think people underestimate this addiction

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Do you want to be my accountability partner then? I have WhatsApp

Accountability software and blockers don’t work for me either. Being in the field of IT I pretty much can by pass any of them with relative ease.

There is only one that I have found that works and that is bulldog blocker. Strictly because I can set it to make me wait 12 hours before disabling

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In my opinion you would be better being accountable to someone who has overcome this addiction but I definitely haven’t. I also think it helps if you know the person in real life
I’m so compromised in this area that I’m a poor accountability partner likely to drop off the map if I’m struggling
Happy to chat on here for now though