Hey guys!
I’m a married Christian man who is on day 17. My wife found out several days ago, so this has been a nightmare. She is starting to be more supportive. I’ve clearly hurt her deeply and it’s all my fault. Four years of marriage and she finally found out… I’ve never felt deep depression before and here it is 
Day 18
-No urges to look at porn.
-Wife appears significantly happier with me.
-I really would like to kick this horrible addiction so that one day I can help others recover.
-I still have not gone on Instagram, which was my main trigger.
-My depression has already subsided.
-Haven’t exercised in several days other than going for walks.
-Life is good and God is good 
-Support from others on the app has been very helpful.
Sir you can get out of this rut,as i believe.
Being the son of God,man can do anything!!
Thanks man! I really appreciate the support! God bless you my friend 
Day 21
-Urges have been minimal and easier to overcome.
-Loved ones have been encouraging me through this process.
-This app makes me feel so happy that I don’t feel alone in this struggle.
-My wife appeared a bit depressed yesterday - at least this time it wasn’t me who inflicted the pain on her.
-My anger and patience issues are decreasing as well.
-Haven’t worked out in a week… 
Day 23: I’m finally feeling for the first time in 13 years like my addiction is subsiding. I’ll never be complacent though. If this is my thorn in my side God will deliver me if I remain faithful.
Day 25:
-Urges are quickly dismissed.
-Wife told me that she does not want to have kids with me until I can conquer this… 
-I’m concerned that one of my greatest motivators is fear. I really need to work on this.
Day 28
-So far so good.
-I tried to go on Instagram and Facebook and my heart rate started increasing with anticipation of potentially seeing the wrong thing. This is involuntary and annoying. I only briefly went on both of then.
-I keep blaming myself when my wife is irritable when I’ve done nothing wrong.
-It’s time to build back my confidence.
-I reported my struggle to a couple more family members. All immediate family members are supporting me, well sort of… With other family struggles going on, there is less support for me outside of me requesting to talk to them about it.
-I’ve been too ashamed to admit to anyone on this app that I preach about 2-3x a month for several different congregations. Maybe this is because I don’t want to be labeled as a hypocrite.
Day 30 
-Woohoo! 30 days deep
-It feels hard to celebrate when my wife still won’t have kids with me while saying “I just need time.” I asked her “how long?” She just kept repeating herself, “I just need time.” This sucks… I feel guilty for being angry about this and the shame is starting to return. Now when women are near my wife and I, even without looking I’m still feeling guilt AND SHAME…
-Friends, this road is not fun.
-If I relapse, my wife will surely hate me. I feel like a cornered animal.
Trust in God and He will see you through. Will keep y’all in prayers.
It’s not a Christian song but your situation reminds me of NF’s song, Time . What your wife said is literally lyrics to the song. Since NF is a Christian so he doesn’t cuss in his rap, you could check out that song, might help.
Thanks brother, @debellator. God bless you for messaging me and encouraging me. Comments like these are so helpful to me. I’ll definitely go and check out the song when I have sec. I hope your fight against this addiction is going well
Day 32
-Need to get a grip on my anger issues. The more that I improve my porn addiction, the more clearly I can see my other issues. Anyone have any tools or tips?
-Since I am a teacher, I would love to one day have this conquered so that I could help others with their addiction to porn. Maybe I should just focus on myself…
-Still trying to find better ways to attack my shame. Trying music, peer/family support, and continue to develop a relationship with God.
-I refuse to go on Instagram unless I am checking my messages.
-I’m probably spending too much time on YouTube, but this hasn’t been an issue with looking.
@debellator that song is just like my life right now. Thanks for the share. It is pretty therapeutic to listen to 
Day 35
-No relapses since I’ve been on the app. I feel really grateful to all those that have encouraged and helped me.
-I’m starting to forget about my addiction; is this what recovery looks and feels like?! Need some insight from people that are further in than me.
-I told my wife that I want to get counseling for myself and to see how much of it will be covered by my insurance. My wife doesn’t like counseling, but no worries. Everyone needs to walk their own path to better themselves.
-All my family came to my house to hang out. This was a very special moment for me.
-God has really been blessing me.
-For my anger issues, I’ve been tracking my anger outbursts. Currently I am on day 5 of no anger outbursts. My dog whinning in the night made me almost lose it. Thank the Lord for my wife who helped keep me calm in the middle of the night.
Awesome progress!
Yes, this is what rewiring is like. You forget your addiction to porn and go back to how things were before it. Before you had any thought or urge for porn. Of course, you’ll still be getting the occasional urge and stuff, but with time even that will go. You’ll be free by the grace of God.
I would recommend reading EasyPeasy. It has a good outlook of things, nearly all of which are right.
You can find it by googling “pmohackbook”
Stay strong
Thanks @debellator! I appreciate the insight and will definitely need to check out this book!
Day 36
-Watched Jordan Peterson’s perspective from a YT video. I agree that I need to focus less on how to quite porn and more on how to improve my life. I also agree that there needs to be a frightening consequence to looking at porn. For me, this is hat porn could and will ruin my marriage if I don’t quite. It also freightens me that by looking at porn, I am rejecting Christ, which is potentially damnable. I’ve told my wife that she can check my progress at any time, this level of accountability is terrifying.
-I’ve also started listening to Easypeasy. I disagree with the books philosophy that you don’t have to quite while reading the book. In my opinion, this sets the precedent that porn can ever be okay. If anybody disagrees with me, that’s cool, but please tell me why you disagree
Bro a bit if advice (in wayyy younger and know nothing but still):
Try to focus on building and strengthening your relationship with your wife. It might help for a quicker recovery.
And just don’t try to think about all the past.
Your mind will focus on the relationship building while it heals the additional part!
It’s a win win
@prothekter_aden I would never dismiss anyone’s opinion just because they might be younger than me 
The truth is the truth no matter who is speaking. But of course, I do appreciate your humilty!
-I definitely agree on leaving the past in the past. This is especially important, since shame is one of the main reasons I’ve had difficulties quiting in the past. I also definitely agree that the main focus of my efforts should be on building a beautiful and happy relationship with her. I hope you know that I really respect you and believe that you have wisdom beyond your years.
With that said he, the challenge is that if I would have had my wife reading Easypeasy with me, this would’ve went very poorly. The second the book would’ve mentioned, “you don’t have to quite while reading this book (paraphrased),” then there would’ve been no buy in from her. With her not by my side, my chances of success would’ve dropped instantly. I guess I could’ve read it in private, but I like to include her in every step of my recovery. Admittedly, not everyone struggling has a wife, so this argument doesn’t really carry over well to others. The second challenge with the Easypeasy book mentioning this is that as a Christian, sin separates us from God. Allowing porn at any point, even during recovery isn’t an option for me.
Thanks again for the thoughtful and helpful response. God bless you brother 
Hmmm…if thats the case, i think it’s better to just read easy peasy separately. Since she supports you, she will most like consent to reading it.
But before getting her to read it, bro, i really really ,from the bottom of my heart think that you should tell her everything. Yes, let her find out about your deepest miseries. Since she’s on your side, she will definitely help you getting through this.
I think just share a copy to your wife and tell her to read it you are not comfortable or she is not comfortable reading it alone
You’re lucky dude! U have a significant other. Your journey has a major weapon that is gonna help you very much. So just let your weapon (wife) cover up for your weaknesses and you will be free.
That’s what my personal and Honest opinion is!
Hope this helps