Hi Guys, I want to share my story today here , till now I didn’t open up with any one about this.
When I was 7 yrs I was molested by my uncle, since then I had fear to talk to any adult men I’m scared. When I was in high school then also I was sexually abused by my seniors. Then I came to know about masturbation & porn . To cope up with my past I masturbate a lot that time . I was topper at that time ,but with this addiction my grades are getting bad& luckily I don’t have mobile at time , so no porn.
In 11& 12 th class I don’t have much time for this pmo, I concentrated on my studies & I got good marks & I got BDS but my aim is for MBBS .
In 2016 So I take drop for a year to prepare for Neet & that to prepare from home . That is bad decision of my life.
Jio just entered with free 4G internet daily 4gb/ day for 1 year
I binge watched porn & masturbated daily . Resulted in poor score & again I took another drop for a year & repeated same routine pmo.
By this time I’m completely addicted to pmo, my goals didn’t matter , my family& friends didn’t matter.
I only want pmo & this continued till 2019november & at I became suicidal & no interest in my life
At this time I came to know about no nut November ,at first I thought it is some sort of BS then I gave it a try I Lasted 15 days on first try & then I relapsed.then stuck Chaser effect & I came back to Pmo for 6 months , In June 2020 I came to know about no fap by salil jamdaar & fituber from then I was small streaks but I can’t move past 7 days & relapse .
In Nov 2020 I had taken no nut November seriously this time my streak 33 days. Even though it’s a small streak I feel great at that time my energy levels & mental clarity are at peak & Then I came to know about rewire companion , there are many like me here. Thanks rewire companion for helping me to better person.
I Forgot to add this above I had puberphonia ( Male with Female voice ) in my teenage many mocked my voice u sound like a girl , so this also affected me , resulted in pmo
Sorry for my bad English.
Bro, it is really fucks you up when you go through a sexual experience at such a young age. What we do when such things happens is we’ll hide that from everyone and will get addicted to pmo, sex or some other kinds of addiction. These are all ways to cope with the inner pain or wound caused by that experience. It happens Subconsciously.
I have been through similar experiences too bro. My cousin sister made me do sexual things when I was 4/5 years old. From that time on sexual things got imprinted in my Brian. Then I did same kind of thing to one of my neighbor who was younger than me. I was 6 or 7 at that time. All these experiences, gave the message to my Brian that Iam bad, I have to hide things to live in this world, people won’t accept me. My self esteem got really fucked up from that time on.
If you look at porn addicts, a large number of them would have had sexual experience in their young age just like us. So don’t think you are alone bro.
I have been through similar situations like you too. After +2, I got really addicted to this shit. I had spent a lot of time watching this crap and fapping forgetting everything thinking that this is just an enjoyment. I’ll stop this when I want to. From that time on I started isolating myself from friends and families. But when college started I became active again, not knowingly did nofap for 90 days since I was living in hostel and didn’t had privacy. Then lockdown came and I really fucked myself up
I worked, I improved myself and all but I isolated myself too much. I have been through suicidal thoughts and all too.
So remember, you are not alone we are all together in this
Its good that you wrote it here. The first thing to get out of these kinds of shit is opening up. Consider this as your first step. If you have 1 close friend confess about this to him as well and see that he is not judging you. Understand that, you are ok, a good human being, your uncle did that to you at that age. That won’t make you bad, you are a son of God.
Second step is take total responsibility. Whatever that had happened in the past is over. This moment is all that we have. Make a plan, slowly improve daily. We are all here to help you. Everything will get better bro. In 5 years from now you should reach a point from where you’ll back and say: “I’ve been there. I suffered. I went through those hard time and I made it.” And tears should fall from your due to happiness.
Life is a beautiful gift bro. There is a lot of things we can do and have to do. Life will get better; 100%
Wake up at 4. Meditate, study, exercise, reconnect with real friends, authentic friends. Leave the rest of them.
We are together bro
Thnx bro , I appreciate your motivating words but I can’t open up with a friend bcs I’m from a village , here even the word sex is taboo here, if I open up they may see me as weird person .
If you have a good friend open up to him bro. If you don’t have now, do it when you get a real friend or to a close family member. Someone you can trust. It’ll help a lot in getting the guilt feeling out of your mind.
my friend dont panic and dont be hard on yourself.stay strong and believe upon ur will power.if u have time read swami Vivekanand books.always search for ur ideal (something u think perfect in this world)and work on it
Thnx bro for motivating me
I moved on from those past incidents recently but I felt I have to open up & share these things to someone , I think this is the right place for it.
Hi @anon41607238 I read your story. This world is a cruel place and you must man up and know what you really want from your life - to keep going never looking back but always looking forward.
When the urges start to take place, do other things to cool them down, knowing that repeating the same old mistake will lead you to nowhere.
Only your work/results will give you that sense of satisfaction which will replace PMO, and one day, the right people will notice you and become part of your life.
You must to show this world what you’re made of and keep growing - you can’t become great without having both haters and admirers, haters gonne hate! You should become strong like steel. Become steel, my friend.
Word sex is taboo but everyone secretly watch porn of all types. That’s hypocrisy. You get sexually assaulted but you can’t speak about it. I think it’s more of your inner hesitation than people being conservative.
You speak perfect english i don’t think it’s that conservative.
Same happened with me @anon41607238@Tagore but i did not share with anyone .coz fear of society and something else.due to this bullshit pmo i did not get goal of my life yet i got government job but life is not so good.
Update :
I got cured (puberphonia - High pitch Voice) in 2019 may & I got my deeper male voice back.
Anyone has similar problem in India related to voice problems like
1.male with child like voice
2.male with Female voice
3.can’t able to talk loudly & voice unheard by large crowds.
4.stuttering & stammering.
Visit Sanjay Kumar’s slp ( Speech Pathologist) , Bengaluru.
You can search his videos in YouTube.
Apology. If I may have judged you harshly. I just wanted to say that if you are not sharing for some kind of fear, then may be you should ignore that fear. But if you are fine now then it’s good.
