My story and everything I went through

Back story:
I masturbated like twice a day or more for the past 10 years, watched porn on a regular basis, definitely the wrong kind, always had contacts with lots of girls, sextings or video calls and such, always one girlfriend after the other since these 10 years… Broke a lot of my own personal limits I set for myself, dated wrong ones, addicted to even smoking in between, got diagnosed with anxiety disorder even and my graduation was taking longer and longer and I my percentage is super low and yeah I was the back bencher. So yeah everything f’ed up. People I am with always say I am a nice guy, so try not to judge based on my bad side hehe…

Reclaiming my life:
First phase:
So one day I decided to quit smoking, and I did, its been 5 years so no chance of starting it ever again… When I got diagnosed with anxiety right after i quit smoking, I decided on stopping talks with girls that were in my life for fun, I only talked with very few whom I felt were nice… I did that for 4 years until I met a girl whom I fallen in love with… In those 4 years, 3 years I thought anxiety was the side effect of quitting, waited for it to go away, and it took all of my self confidence, and on the fourth year, I had to consult doc, took medicines, went to therapy and successfully came out of anxiety. I mean its not fully gone but I dont care, it doesn’t bother me anymore, learned to live with it. After that, I graduated scoring very high, top 3 in class, even first in some subjects, I was liked by all the professors and I was the first bencher… People used to take my notes and stuff…
One day I found myself opening a kik account and go on meeting girl after girl and have sextings in a very bad way… I promised myself never again… It was so hard to delete those accounts because it was so much fun, and I deleted all the social media accounts that were there to meet girls… It was super hard but did it…
So in short less girls, quit smoking, got out of anxiety, graduated in phase 1

Second phase:
Right after my graduation, one of the few girls I talk with is showing a lot of attitude… Overtime I felt like even those few girls I talk with are not the right ones and it was not necessary to talk with them… so I stopped talking with them too, like 6 months ago… So just, me and my girlfriend and only quitting porn, masturbation left…

Third phase:
When I started this nofap journey, I was only planning to cross 15 day mark. Because I always get blue balls on my 5th or 6th day and it doesn’t go away for days unless I masturbate. I once stayed with pain for 5 days and eventually gave up. So, 15 days would be a surprise. I kept trying and trying nofap for the past 6 months. Didn’t give up on nofap… Sometimes I crossed a week, sometimes 10 days. Eventually I always gave up due to blue balls.

But this time, I crossed 15 day mark. No sign of blue balls.
Then went on to cross 30,still no sign. It was a surprise. I masturbated like 2 times a day minimum for the past 10 years. Quitting that for 30 days, without blue balls bothering me, thats a shock… But this is my chance to make nofap happen, I am not breaking the cycle. But something happened, I broke up with my girlfriend. I had to when she blackmailed me emotionally, I didnt have a choice. She still is a sweetheart to me, and I loved her crazy, gave my 100% there, but breakup was the right thing to do and I did it. I was overwhelmed with guilt, second guessing, feeling bad for her etc etc, all that made me feel like masturbating but then I remembered my 6 month journey to quit and I feel like this might me the only time the blue balls may leave me alone and its now or never so I went on to cross 45 day mark and then 60 day mark… Now on my 63rd day…
After the breakup, I badly wanted to restart conversations with the people I used to talk with for fun, its the easy way for me to move on but then I don’t want to go into old ways again… So, I am still managing by myself…

Phase four:
Its happening now… No girls at all, all the time for myself, focusing on studies and writing exams to look for jobs, even wrote few exams well too and waiting for the results, Tv series and movies for fun, no addictions, On my 63rd day and wanting to cross 90 days of nofap soon, planning on finding a good job sometime in the next 8 to 12 months, preparing myself mentally for marriage as I am 28 now…Still miss my girlfriend as its only been like 2 weeks since I brokeup but it is what it is, eventually I will move on, takes time, right?

9 Likes