I haven’t relapsed this time, but I feel the need to share my thoughts. Last night I drank a large Dr. Pepper after abstaining from caffeine for two months. Naturally, I had a tough time getting to sleep last night and I woke up about 1 1/2 hours early. Probably got 4-5 hours of sleep. Clearly I drank it too late in the day.
Anyway I woke up feeling the urge to look up porn. Clearly my monkey brain was acting up, but I have no doubt it was the caffeine giving my brain the stimulation to wanna go ape. Have you guys had similar experiences with stimulants like caffeine?
I think a lot about how similar porn and sex addiction are to drug addiction. When I watch a show/movie drama with addict characters I feel much in common with them and I see just how much their experience is the same as mine. I may not have heroine marks in my arm but the affects in my mental, emotional, social, and spiritual life are the same. All the arguments that people try to make that it’s “healthy” or “natural” behavior are clearly wrong. Even if it is “natural” that doesn’t make it good for you. Hemlock is natural but I don’t recommend eating it.
Here’s the definition for addiction According to Drugabuse.gov. Just replace the word drug with porn and it’s the same. " Addiction is defined as a chronic, relapsing disorder characterized by compulsive drug seeking, continued use despite harmful consequences, and long-lasting changes in the brain. It is considered both a complex brain disorder and a mental illness."
I would simply define it as “desiring something without actually wanting or needing it.” Obviously if someone claims they are not addicted to something they should be able to drop said “thing” without difficulty. For me removing porn is much harder than removing caffeine and sugar from my diet. I can’t say if it’s harder to quit than heroine but I can say it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
Don’t beat yourself up for relapsing. Just get back up again, and again, and again, and again while improving you’re recovery methods every day. Find what works for you and you will eventually look back to find you’ve come a long way.