My Journey to ∞

[assh]

31012021:
Yesterday attended interview with company called Deloitte consulting, I could not clear the interview. I was sad whole day because it’s one of my favourite company I failed. Today morning , I woke up with an offer letter,(60%hike from present+joining bonus)

Life is completely unpredictable what I understood. But, I am not allowed to enjoy the old temporary pleasure. Yesterday I had urges because of the failure but controlled. I watched a Malayalam movie just to divert my mind, called ‘The great Indian kitchen’ as suggested by my sister. (she thinks I don’t take any responsibility for household stuff) anyways, It was a good movie. I thought after completing 100days here, I’ll write but somehow could not stop myself. One good thing that happened in my life, I don’t show my happiness/sadness to anyone including parents… While watching any movie unexpectedly any explicit content comes then I just allow that to forward or pass or skip by means of doing nothing but not involving my mind and self or play with my dick. since that is a danger zone. I keep reminding myself it’s not real.
Urges may come at any time. But I am not afraid of it anymore. You can name that’s due to mediation or self-consciousness or rewire_community guide. Everything I count. Something needs to figure out:
Social media addiction (Facebook, Instagram and whatsapp ) and organising tasks (January 2021 was taugher than I planned)
Well, I am not hard on myself now (I am allowed to use everything but not allowed to watch anything explicit or triggering content)
Note: I don’t get any triggering content in social media and I don’t give any attention anymore
Cs: 57
Urges: Unknown/low

[nofapstar123]

okay so today i found your diary

congraats bro on reaching 57 days

[assh]

Uh. yea my pleasure. Thank you

[Deeepp]

Many many congratulations to you brother

[assh]

Thank you brother. I hope you are congratulating me for the offer letter from L&T. Currently, I am not focusing more on the streak because that way I’ll ruin and give my mind more rewards which is not required. my next target is days. I hope you’re back. I am waiting for you to challenge me. I would like to see yourself defeating with the monster inside you. I am listening to you and your story…

[Deeepp]

Yes bro ofcourse I am congratulating you for your job. Sorry I didn’t mentioned . And you are right. Don’t focus much on streak. Just keep moving on having higher goals in life to achieve and you won’t know how days will pass. I’ll surely update about my story soon

[assh]

thank you again.
Thought of the day,

[Deeepp]

Hahaha. It’s very true

[assh]

20022021:
I am desperate to achieve something which my mind imagines and dreams. But I fail in the end. That looser and mediocrity feeling. I hope you already know. Often I question myself, get a response, and sleeps by imagining that will come true. The next day life goes as usual without having a single thought of the dream (No time to execute yesterday’s plan). This continues for years. Now I see ‘why’ those are unfulfilled. There is a firm line in everything we do or dream in our life. You name it as a comfortable zone or hard work or anything which is beyond your potential. Until you cross nothing is easy. Even scary, if you fail multiple times. For instance, my potential level is 100 then often I end at 80/90/sometimes 95, and then to the beginning. Again from scratch, I motivate myself and go to the same level (approx) and this cycle in the loop by looking back and future. Here looking back means giving external pleasure to my mind(PMO) and convincing me that I do not deserve it.
Hold on… Are not you bored by reading this?
I am not sure about you but I can confidently say, I am already
Well, something good happened. I am watching my mind and behavior for the last 77 days. Sometimes it’s losing interest in everything and other time everything is achievable. Social media and watching movies giving me the highest level of stimulates to my brain currently. I still need to figure out a way out of it slowly… Thank you people over here who constantly uplifts.
Cs: 77
Urges: Low

[Deeepp]

Keep moving forward my brother

[assh]

Thank you. I’ll…