My Journey [ 1st Month experiences of Hard Mode ]


I am going to record my journey in the search of the unknown. No matter how much time it takes but i will stay patient and determined. My jourmey is far beyond the boundaries of Nofap… First i want to Revive myself. Then, To awake myself to the present moment. To be in peace and meditation. To be happy & positive always. To be full of energy and vitality. To live life to the best possible way.
To discover my self and The unknown ( God )

I am going to write from Day 1 to … countless days. This journey … you may call it Hard Mode or God Mode.


I wish you a good Journey brother. You are in good company here!


God said to Arjuna that only His devotees can know Him. Become His devotee. Don’t waste time in yogic postures and sophisticated meditations.

I dont do Yoga & meditation

How to become a devotee ?

Choke him to Death

Previous night i was having urges… to fap once more. I already had fapped in the day to porn … This is not us… it is our brain wiring … the strength of addiction which force us to do so. It gives reasons like we will start from tomorrow. I am already at day 0 … whats the big deal in one more fap and so on. The thrist for such pleasure never ends…

Hence… I fight back … and i didnt give in to those urges… and always remember which arises shall pass and i won my first fight… there is still many more battles to come. I have decided that no matter what i will win and i will choke my dirty mind to death. I will make it so weak that it have to die and give way to new brain wiring which will make my life much better. My life is living hell and its high time to Rise Again.

Day 1
God Mode


Read about Semen Retention Learn More About Precious & Then You Will Never Fap Again


By hearing about the Lord from bona fide speakers, by chanting the holy names of the Lord, by associating with devotees, by remembering the Lord, by doing devotional service to the Lord, by taking prasadam of the Lord, by having darshan of the deity form of the Lord, by reading about the Lord, by singing the glories of the Lord, by worshipping the Lord, etc, one can gradually come to the platform of a pure devotee. A pure devotee can know the Supreme Personality of Godhead to some extent.

1 Like

Sorry ankit if a devotee is like that i dont want to be it.

Its like A frog crawls out of one well and falls into another.

Again sorry i dont want to hurt your religious views.

I want to be a different kind of devotee. The one who hears, speak, see & feel the lord from his own while living in a soceity…


When did I say that you need to leave society :rofl:

By neglecting the Supreme Lord, the only person you can hurt is yourself.

I did not ask whether you want to become or not; I just answered your question.

Thank you

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Agreed!! :+1:



भगत / Devotee


The dead shall Rise Again
Day 2
God Mode

I have depression and social anxiety. I take 2 drugs in night to sleep. There name is 1. Mirtaz 7.5 mg & 2. Oleanz 2.5 mg… these are the lowest doses. Yesterday night i reduced my dose from half to one - fourth of the dose. I will take one fourth of the dose for a week . Then i will switch to a herb called ashwagandha. I had quited them before. Recently from 15 december 2018 to april 15 2019. I fall back into these because of my relapses. I am sure this time i will quit them for good.

Drugs, alcohol, smoking all these reduces our awareness and these substances makes it very hard for a person to realize himself & the god.

The title of this post gives a hope to the dead person that they can Rise Again. Dead are those who are so weak and disabled that their life is a long story of misery. If you are inhaling & exhaling your breathes … there is a chance that you can Revive yourself.

Yesterday night i defeated my 2nd urge. Its intensity was small as compared to the previous one. The more i win over my mind the more confident i become.


This is what happens to the followers of osho. Alcohol, drugs, relapse… noone can save you because you are on wrong path. :smirk: There was another fool named resurrection. MARK MY WORDS, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE DEFEATED BY PMO. 2 YEARS, YEARS, YOUR WHOLE LIFE… I CHALLENGE YOU

Thanks for your comment and motivation.



@Nownomore You are @AnkitK

Why ?
Because You have given 250 likes to AnkitK id. And you have created this account recently to poke guys like me.

Hahaahaahahaa :grin:

पकड़े गए ।

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Light in The Darkness
Day 3*
God Mode

What to tell how miserable the life is ! No confidence … No energy… Always fear & social anxiety. Shity life. Accepting it and moving on. Lets focus on good things like i picked up my books after 10 days. It was biting dust on the shelf. I solved 1 math problem. To discipline myself i restricted my smartphone use.
Lets hope for some good. Lets attract positivity into our lives.
Spend some time with family.



Family Man
Day 4
God Mode

I am not alone. I have the responsibility of my wife and children. In order to feed myself and my family … i have to become strong & capable. Capable of surviving in this world where man who faps dies in gutter near by the streets. No doubt death has to come … thats an another topic… lets first talk about the family resposibility. If you are married or not … You have to survive in this world and only the tough survives. Who fapes and watches porn… are weak and anybody can make them their bitch… so Real Men stand up and As like spartans… Lets March Towards Saving our families honour… Lets kill this evil within us… once and for all.



Living in illusion
Day 5
God Mode

I have very little consciousness. Its almost like … i am living in past or in future… i dont live in present moment. My awareness is very low. In chart above … i am not even at level 0… but anyway… i just want to say that my mission is to connect with the 7th consciousness which is of the supreme god… connecting with him is my goal… She is the only one that can save me from this miseries.

I want to face my reality. I cant run forever.


Save your seed
Day 6
God Mode

Save your seed with awareness and if you dont have awareness then save it anyhow… make some rules … follow them… like no watching erotic stuff which leads to fapping… we only need these rules in the beginning because when we will be awakened we can not fall in such trapes … our seeds should be watered with love & meditation… Remove all negative thoughts … become positive and confident… that you can do this… and the day will keep when the new plant will rise out of the seed… let the plant grow and soon … you will enjoy its fruits or benefits …

Let yourself grow and blossom… dont rape yourself over and over again.