My fall from a High streak

I was like on a streak of 85+ days maybe! It was close to 90. But then I relapsed again!
I remember when I reached about a streak of a month or 40 days, I was feeling weightless! Like a big burden which I was carrying was no longer on me! I was feeling free! The motivation, the discipline was working and I no longer had the cravings for PMO! Though there still was a void in me that was unfulfilled and empty! I felt that emptiness and I felt even low sometimes but I didn’t craved for PMO. My main motivation at that time was “Self Improvement”! I wanted to be a better person! Free from addictions! Iam an introvert but I wanted to try out socializing. I was open to experiences! But I was missing a very very important thing! My seriousness towards my spiritual practices! I was being causal , like yeah it will make me a better person but iam already on no fap and iam like literally free from PMO , so my practices are more or less based on my choice and it will add just like some spice and make myself a little better! I was being very causal towards my practices! Unattentive meditation , no intrest in reading holy texts and so on! And also whenever I saw one of my friends joking about PMO as a normal thing , I didn’t just directly neglected them but I behaved I have no intrest in them and I had like in the back of my mind like these people are addicted and they don’t even know! I know it’s bad and I have quit, so I feel a little above them! But they were good at socialising ( atleast better than me) and seemed to be happy ! So sometimes I don’t know why but subtly I agreed to their mentality! " PMO is just a part of life! No one could escape it "!
So time went on and on 45th day or near that day I had my first nightfall! That night I had a dream of jerking off! From day 7 to that day I didn’t had a dream like that! Instead I had a dream of going out and having a very good time with my crush! So yeah! After when I woke up after the night fall I was like wtf? I knew it doesn’t count as relapse, But! I just felt I didn’t felt great as yesterday! After that day I sometimes had sexual dreams and all! I didn’t had any urges but in dreams I had many fantasies going on! And I was lacking my spiritual practices! After I completed day 70 I thought maybe I shouldn’t check my Streak daily , because I’m free now so what’s the point! But I wasn’t feeling I was free at that point! So I just sat on YouTube etc etc! After 8 days I checked my Streak , it was close to 80! I was like yeah! Soon I will go 90 and I have heard , after 90 days its a complete reboot! So yeah! But after day 80 I started having urges! And I wasn’t doing anything like keeping my phone away in night or when I’m alone! Iam mostly alone in my room. So one day I had a slight urge! And it was like you haven’t seen pon in so much time ! Do you even remember? Just have a look! Search the name of the ponstar! Just search about her ig account! Just take a look! Do you remember how was it like last time you saw it! Just one look! And then like every other human being on the planet , I just
hit my foot with the ax myself ( it’s a hindi proverb)! And then I lost! But I was like wtf happened? Did I lost my 85+ day streak? Iam not having any trauma! But did I just lost? I couldn’t understand! I went and had another round and after that day another relapse and another the other day and since then I think 2-3 months have passed away! I tried reading easy peasy but I just left reading it since 2 weeks! I was on chapter 6! After relapse I thought I will do this time and when it really comes to the point of relapse or not? I lose! I can’t do it just by myself! I need people like me who want to grow and motivate each other and maintain the high moral! The discipline , the determination and the motivation and a clear vision! My eyes now have opened! I have lost the my precious fluid many many times and have wired my brain to this PMO monster! But I haven’t lost yet! I will follow the process more intensely this time and come over this ocean of suffering , with the help of you all and the supreme god!
Thanks for reading so far! I know I have gone too long but I kinda just felt writing it! Maybe you would have got or learnt any point!
Have a nice day ahead and be strong :muscle:

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Bro while reading your story,it felt like as if I’m reading my own story with the only difference that you relapsed after 80+ days and I did on my 58 days…

I know it’s so hard to avoid social media completely. Knowing those,I only use WhatsApp ,that too for work related stuffs. My ex had given a beautiful seducing photo,I kept looking at that photo before I went to sleep and switching my phone off. I couldn’t get sleep :sob: after that. Her seductive face,her beautiful hairs were popping back in my mind. I don’t know how did I holding my pillow so hard :rofl::rofl: somehow caused ejaculation,I was like wtf ?? How it happened? I lost 50+ days of hard work :sob::cry:. The next morning I waked up feeling lethargic,unable to find interest in my work. Then I again relapsed by looking at her pic. It’s just superb hard to control.

After that,I felt super guilty. We were school friends,she was my first ever crush. I had a long story with her, but that’s for another day.

Uncontrolled men are like untrained dog :dog:. The only way we can different from rest of the world, representing top 1% of men is by practicing strict Brahmacharya. This shitty p&rn destroyed us…

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Bhai mai bhi 3 se 4 hafte control karleta tha , but the lockdown fucked everything up , I am now down to one week :confused: , but this app is very helpful , will definitely quit fapping this year :rage:

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Sure bro! You will be able to do it!!

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You will be able to overcome! Have faith in yourself

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Your problem is not pmo.
Do you have a dream?
Like the one that will fulfill you life every second. Not just on holidays, but every moment. You should make your every breath an enjoyment. If you don’t conscious about that, work toward it. Forget pmo, because it comes only when you are idle. If you wake up not with purpose, but just because your body got enough sleep, you’ll relapse. Just a question of time.
But when you wake up to attack the universe and force it to accomplish your dreams, you won’t have time to think about what is an addiction. You can one day randomly meet porn again and slide it away like skipping an advertisement. Because your determination works on yourself when you direct it. If you don’t, it will work for an addiction.

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