My Everyday life

Hey, @anon87955785 congratulations on your 1000days without P!! So proud of you :fire::boxing_glove:let’s keep the momentum on!

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Day050

I have realised that my mindset currently is full of bitterness and self-pity. Despite having a good streak I feel troubled and sad. I can think properly but I can’t make things possible. When I looked around I feel left behind. I know that we all bloom at a different time but this definitively feels like hell. I just want to enjoy myself not restraint from self-discipline. I hope someone can reassure me that it is okay not to be okay and things will get better and you can be a king again.

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@Hyperion , I am sorry if I’m harsh , but I cannot guarantee you whether it will be okay after some time. Because I cannot perceive your life better than yourself. But when it comes to streak, relapse is not an option. Whether you are on Day 1 or Day 1000 , you will face situations ( favourable or unfavourable) in your life irrespective of your streak which God has destined for you. But what you can do is to adapt yourself in such a way that , it becomes favourable to you.

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Wrong Mindset bro!
Watch this video and you will get an idea.

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Now it’s day 106 denied from PMO.

I don’t think there is any difference in terms of sexual attraction but the thing here is I can make things work out in my term. It doesn’t seem like a superpower but rather the willingness to endure shamefulness, frustration and distress. I decided to quit my officer training but the instructors seem to see the gift of leadership within me since I have asked one of the rarely asked questions during class. The quality of a great general is to avoid war and confrontation at all costs and make a peaceful agreement without submitting to any demanding compromise. I don’t know, but I disliked being in the army. I dislike the kind of bravery shown by that warrior. It makes me in such discomfort being strong on the outside.

Now what I feel now is very lost and I want to quit the training. I want to repeat my uni study this semester. The training has taken much of my revision time. I feel weak and I often cry.

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How are u brother , Long time no see

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Hey, it’s been a while. I’m feeling great now. How about you. Btw why i can’t access your profile and post

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Oops I will change that :sweat_smile:

Day 116 :point_right: Day 0

I relapsed… Idk what has improved or what has changed. I still feel the same regardless of being almost 4 months of no PMO. The reason why i relapsed mostly come from the mind. I started to fantasise few days ago and endulging in fullfilling imagination and end up wanting to fill up tht hole of emptiness with actual PMO. I have no idea but it feels better. Despite feeling deeply lonely and careless, i don’t have to care because i’m not needed.

Day 21 ( i reset the counter at Day 15 withou relapsing)

I don’t know. I feel i have lost everything. Despite everything i do at life, i often feel alone. Sometimes i feel depressed. I don’t watch p, but rather i experiences frequent nightfall. This is weird. Is there any particular reason it happened?

Now, i’m better at managing my money. I feel i want to buy a new mid range smart phone to keep up with my hectic life. I wondr why the phone mention that i have (almost) full memory capacity but i have transferred all my data into memory card.

Relapsed today (chaser effect on day 5)
Somehow relapse gave me a sense of hope that its okay to be called failure. I feel pressured when holding my semen for too long. Maybe once in a month i need to release it somewhere. But of course without watching anythin dirty. Somehow i feel that it is part of male nature to do sex. Despite i can feel releasing the semen has taken some nutrients away from my lower body, but i feel less stressful. I have my 5 month streak, and i almost kill myself from suicide because there is no pleasure anymore in maintaining the act. So i started to fantasies and leading to relapse. I don’t have a great support system during those time. I only believe in myself. When i lose myself, i feel so shattered and no one holding me tight. Right now, although i don’t want to hope too much, i found a potentially a good friends that might help me along the way. I don’t want to take it for granted. I will be moderate in my decisions. I don’t have to do demanding side quests that has taken myself into the valley of despair anymore, just focus on main quest and everything will go into their space. And I will have my love and happiness again. Thank you for reading

Day 004

I relapsed recently out of frustration and impatient. I now know about myself that i hardly seen anything good coming this way unless people remind me the goodness. Despite all of these, i still don’t have a strong support system. But i believe, i can fight this addiction even when i’m alone. I hope i’m not that too over confidence. Hardly making any significant streak anymore. Even if i do. I will just relapse. I need a really strong system! Breaking 150Days streak

Day54

Climbed back from the dept of frustration.

Within a month, thoughts do occur. But seeing on the bright side, there are some occasions that i never had anything in my mind. I would called this as flow state. Withing this state, i would preceive my productivity is better than any ordinary day. It’s hard to say either it was automatic or require will power to access. I planned my day the day before and finished 2/3 of the task. Previously, i only managed to do one important task of the day and the rest only daily chores. I would say that i am proud but there are small details that enable me to enter such state.

Firstly, perhaps i have done a through time frame at what moment i want to accomplish the tasks rather than doing a todo list. Allocate time to each tasks helps in scheduling and managing time.

Second, i think coffee do helps in prolonging attention span, but sometimes we fantasizing much while in the alert state. Be understanding on our own biological system of human body.

Thirdly, during the day i think we should avoid laying on bed even for a short while. I have no scientific reason of this but it makes me a little lazy sometime. If we want to take a nap better laying down on sofas or anything smooth and comfy other than bed. Bed is only for long night rest.

Day 54 is only a duration. I don’t want to fool myself thinking a delusion.