Day 16.
The last few days has been quite okey, some urges, some of them bigger then other’s but nothing I couldn’t handle.
I had this one time when the missus went for a long bath and I was left alone with the baby, and I was so extemly bored. My plan was to spend the time watching YouTube clips. Like that has ever worked out for me… boredom and YouTube are two huge triggers for me. So I had this internal dialog and ended up going for an hour long walk with my daughter instead. It felt really good.
So now every time I’m alone I take my daughter (she’s 3 months old now) and go for walk, that way I can’t get triggered…
Today it’s been harder, me and Sandra (my girlfriend ) are having some arguments and that is always huge triggers for me.
The thing is, I’m extremely horny but I don’t want to have sex with her. Thus the arguments
I think you need to read this article if u have not . It is written by someone who successfully beat his addiction . Its is gem for all nofapper . I saved it for nearly 1 and half year . I hope you find it useful .
Having 35 year old you are struggling lot than us . We will be happy if we read post like that " 1 year on nofap … " from you .
You can do it bro. Stay strong. Think of that beautiful baby girl. You would give your life for her, right? Can you give her a few days to get over these urges? Be that super hero you are and will ever be in her eyes.
Wow, thank you so much for that article. If i could press “like” ten more times I would
Great article with a lot of great ideas on how to look at it.
I truly really appreciate it.
Thanks
Today I read a great article that I would recommend everyone to read, @ek_yodha123 shared it, just look a couple of posts up.
So this week I’ll start looking at my more immediate life goals.
By the way. No urges today, had more important things to focus on. Read the article… it’s worth it.
No urges for two whole days. I went from having to struggle several times a day against relapsing to almost no struggles at all.
I haven’t even thought about porn these last two days.
What has changed? Well, some of the things that I read in the article above (it’s a extremely long post) are these: don’t think about not thinking about porn
Don’t fantasize, if your brain wanders in that direction, bring it back.
When I don’t think about sex, porn, fapping and so on I don’t get any urges… they are gone.
Another important thing is, handle you emotions. That means when I feel stressed, frustrated or angry, I feel it, all they way. That means no social media, no games or internet when any of those feelings arise. I allow my self to feel whatever comes up until it passes.
Becourse those are the times I usually relapse, so if I can learn how to feel my emotions and handle whatever comes up I will no longer need PMO.
You are on right track . Your thinking is now mine like as i think . I think you learned to ignore useless thing in mind thats the ways you easily going to recoverd .
The last 9 days has been quite easy with the exception of the last two. I’ve realised that although it’s hard to prevent the brain to even think about ■■■■ it’s much easier than it is to try to go without ■■■■ if I’m constantly fantasizing about it.
What made me relapse was a ingerie commercial on Facebook (which I have flagged as inappropriate so I won’t we it again). An absolutely stunning woman dressed in ■■■■ underwear pops up on the screen and I go totally crazy. I download the app connected to the commercial to find more pictures of her. I do find more pictures of her and this is pretty much were I reach the point of no return.
Those pictures leads me to want more and more and I soon start looking at ■■■■. Some time later I ■■■ in my pants. I keep thinking, do I really have to reset my counter, I didn’t fap right, so it should be okay…
I hear myself thinking this and I reset the counter
Now this is usually when I hate myself for relapsing and go on a binge. But I won’t do that now. Instead of beating myself up for being weak, I tell myself how fantastically awesome I am… I just did 25 days, and the later part of those days on monk mode, yay go me
Haven’t written anything in here for over a month and a half now. The last thing I wrote was
Since then I’ve been on a binge, so I kinda f-cked that up. I just had the worst binge I’ve had for a very long time. I just keept relapsing and relapsing. My longest streak during that time was 5 days if I allowed ■■■■ and I maybe 2 without any PMO.
It was as if all my previous work was gone and I was back to when I first started.
That is also the reason I haven’t posted anything in here. If I write in this diary it makes me accountable for my actions. When I let you all know what I’m doing I don’t want to PMO as much becourse I don’t want to let you all down, or my self either for that matter.
So I decided to be a coward and not write anymore and just give in to my urges totaly.
Now after one and half month I’m finally back on track again.
It wasn’t easy. But
YAY GO ME I’M BACK
@einar I just read your thread, and your opening story was very honest. You say you used to do drugs, is that something you have stopped Now? I’m asking because I am a recovering addict, and I attend AA, I’m working through the 12 step program, and it’s helped me a lot, I’ve also noticed the similarities between all addictions, whether is porn alcohol or drugs. Ultimately it seems like honesty is the key to recovery. Although I believe that should be honesty to people who understand. Anyway, this seems like an interesting thread, and I’d like to share my journey with you on this thread… So keep posting dude, whether you relapse or not, let’s make a friendship out of this.
Hi @paul.buys1 I still smoke weed maybe once or twice a year when I visit my brother, but that’s it.
Yes I also belive that honesty is the key, or at least one of the keys.
And as you so eloquently put it, honesty towards people who understand. That is why this forum helps so much, all of you great people in here knows the stuggel and understad it.
Yes I can definitely see the similarities between drug addiction and porn addiction.
But at least when you do drugs or use alcohol you know before hand that it is additive.
And @paul.buys1 I just want to say wow, I think it’s great that you have the strength and courage to attend AA and do the program. You have my respect and I wish you all the strength and courage to see it through.
Take care
@einar thanks for the reply brother. I hear what you are saying about porn being that sneaky addiction. The worst part is that it’s always attainable. With drugs and alcohol you have to go out of your way to get it. With porn though, it’s always at the tip of your finger tips. But having said that, the harder the challenge the greater the reward right…
Hello brother …
Here you told that you somked weed …weed means marijuana and I think marijuana is not drug … its is good for health if you smoke once in a day …
No doubt I am not an doctor but it’s my personal experience … I am also weed lover …and I saw many people who smoke weed and enjoy their life …
I know only one thing that masturbation is one and only dangerous addiction who destroy physically and mentally …and it is one of the hardest addiction for getting rid of it … it needs self control, presence of mind during urge, extrem high level will power …
I really hope this comment was meant sarcastically.
If that is the case, sorry that I’m pissed and skip the part below.
Smoking weed daily is healthy?? That’s st… from so many points of view…To name some: Smoking weed daily is a so-called addiction. If you disagree, try to go for a month completely without it, without replacing it by smoking or doing anything similar.
If you know how the structure in the lungs look like, you wouldn’t put any kind of smoke deliberately down your lungs and call it healthy. Large amounts of particle are just not meant to be there. (sure there is the mucus which removes it again but it is not built for huge amounts)
People who smoke weed daily seem to be enjoying their life? Let me guess they also seem to be pretty relaxed. Did you know that people who drink alcohol talk to strangers more easily? Surprising. Let’s start to drink daily and you will find it very easy to talk to girls. -> problem with finding a girlfriend solved
Sure, weed is used for certain medical applications (I think as pain killer?), but that doesn’t make it healthy.
Just because you feel good while doing it doesn’t mean that it is good for you. At some point in life you will look back and hate yourself for having this addiction. Wasn’t it the same with porn? You were young, you watched the first one and you kind of enjoyed doing it? You can’t deny that. If you hated it from the first time on, you wouldn’t have done it a second time
I agree with you brother …may be I smoke weed just because forgetting all my problems and running away from my responsibilities …I have been smoking week last 2 years … I gives me immense pleasure …I will try to quit as soon as possible …
One more question Brother what about wiz khalifa and snoop dogg, Tupac etc … they also smoke weed extremely but they look cool and good in behaviour …by the way I will not be able to beat like wiz khalifa and all
By the way rolling papers 2 released ft Wiz Khalifa … enjoy the music
) are having some arguments and that is always huge triggers for me.
i also miss him too