A little background to get to story started.
I started masturbating around 14 years old, with no preconceived concept what I was even pursing. It felt good that’s all I knew. I wasn’t addicted yet atleast I don’t think. But one thing that was true, I was super shy. And it always stuck to me. Fast forward a few years later where I got into a long distance relationship, and eventually I started receiving naughty pictures from the girl I was chasing. From that moment on, it became a nightly thing. For a solid couple months I was just milking myself dry. I lost all drive to even be alive. Or to even find something to pursue, besides fapping. Eventually the girl ended up leaving me, and I fell into a deep depression and I had endless thoughts of suicide. I eventually fell even further, when I started abusing Xanax (aniexty medication). This was the lowest point in my life.
My energy levels were beyond low at this point, and didn’t have really any friends. I started to become addicted to playing video games to cope with the pain. My usual morning was to smoke a blunt, and throw back a Xanax and be ready for the day. I was slowly but surely becoming a zombie in the flesh. I couldn’t hold a conversation, nor let alone interpret one. Everything that came out of my mouth was beyond unintelligent. I didn’t even finish school either because of this and to this day I’m still mad at myself about. Long story short, I lost multiple jobs, and opportunities to chase girls when I was in high school because I was having a long distance relationship, and also due to me not being able to handle my emotions.
Fast forward another year, I came across something on reddit called no fap. It intrigued me instantly. I read about all of the pros of not fapping. It was everything I was dreaming of. But at this time I was still fapping to numb the pain I was in. I began chasing another girl I came into contact with, and everything was going real smooth. I’m talking her sitting on my lap, getting real close etc. I thought I was golden. I was still fapping at this time, so my confidence was super low. I remember her talking about how the only thing she’s mainly worried about is my dick game. After fapping for so many years without fully realizing that I can’t get hard anymore to real women only porn, I knew I was in trouble. Thoughts began to eat me away about not being good enough. My words to her about her being so worried about my cock, is I ain’t no fucking porn star. She took this as I was saying my sex game was weak. Fast forward not even a week after having her over, and she says this bold statement with all of my closest friends around as we touch the surface of the subject I never thought would arise while around my best of Friends, she hits me with “that’s not what you were telling me about your dick game” the whole mood of the group went south after this. This shit hurt me a lot. To the point of wanting to really commit suicide. After that night, things were never the same with me and her, let alone MY FUCKING CLOSEST FRIENDS THAT HAVE BEEN BY MY SIDE FOR THE LAST 6-7 years of my life. I was broken. My ego, shattered. My will to live, was almost inexistent. But all of this could have been avoided entirely, if I just wouldn’t of fapped and had more confidence and stronger erections. This incident though broke me. But, looking back upon it, this is what was needed for me to realize that I have a serious problem. So this my friends, is a perfect example of when you hit rock bottom, to realize that you’ve been planted, and not defeated.
For the next couple months after this incident I carried that same emotional pain. And it began to make me realize, that I did have a problem. This was the ignition to the fire I’ve been trying to light. I ended up losing that resturant job, because I was on my no fap journey and my levels of T were going overboard. So once again, I lost another job due to not being able to have control of my emotions. But I’ll tell you what, I handled that far better than other situations. I walked out , and didn’t lose my cool once. Told my favorite supervisor to have a great journey, and was on my way. I collected a few grand in unemployment from them, so i guess it’s safe to say I got the last laugh.
So this my friends, is where I began to build my life, from the ground up. I started taking pictures with the new camera I got for Christmas, began to explore my own town, and chasing a life worth living. I began to hit the gym 5 days a week for 6 months straight, and all around was feeling so much happier with everything. The benefits I began to see after just a few weeks were: increased energy, better mood, my vocabulary began to grow, my complexion began to glow, and my Jawlines were visible once again. My friend that lives on the other side of the United States came back, and even his mom announced that I “look more like a man”. This was when my highest streak was around 73.
The last, fast forward. Today, I’m on 129 day streak, And words cannot even begin to explain how good I feel. Energy levels are off the charts, the joy I carry for life itself is blissful, and I can’t begin to explain ho amazing it feels finally being in control of my life and aware. The amount of respect given to me is insane. From both genders. It’s like people can sense and see that my aura has grown tremendously and I’m vibrating at such a high frequency. The gains I receive from the gym are insane. Considering back in the day when I fapped and went to the gym it felt like I was at my genetic potential, or I was in a plateau I’d never break.
To anyone that is on the no fap journey and going through hell, keep going my friend. You will realize like I once realized, those nights of agony, those sleepless nights, those days where you just want to give the up and accept defeat, those days where you feel like you just can’t go on. Those are the days you build the most character. You will appreciate those sorrowful days, because just like I realized if that one event never happened, you wouldn’t have grown into the man you are today. This is when I realized that even the dark side of life (yang) will teach you so many things and help mold yourself into the man you are trying to become. You can’t have the bad without the good.
Stay strong brothers. Things will better I promise. Better days are around the corner. I will most likely be inactive on here from this point on. I have rewired myself and don’t feel the need to get on here besides to check my counter.
to anyone that reads this throughly, I’m sorry for my shit transition words and mediocre sentences. But I hope you take something of value from it. A lesson that I had to learn the hard way. Have a great day everyone