MID3 [18F] My silent battle

Hello Day 10

Just light atmosphere make this journey great.
I feel excited to be back at day 21. Just 11 days left. I’ll try my best to get there.

I know that after my 104 streak that chaser effect and getting back in track could be harder. But here i am still fighting and still not binge watching. Lets go!

I try to avoid contents that may trigger me. Triggers are everywhere from simple conversations to online shopping.

Dear Self, you are here at day 10 and time seems to pass so slow. Please don’t try to be back here again. Avoid as much as you could. Keep fighting

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Great ! You can do it! Keep pushing

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We are proud of you sister. Keep going like a warrior. We are all with you :handshake::muscle::muscle:

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Sister stay strong you can achieve it easily

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DAY 18 Streak
The excitement and happiness the first time i reached this day is the same.

I was able to pursue and improve a lot of skills this past few months. Now i have open a business opportunity that i am working out. I also signed up for a short skill course (1month) that i can use to earn. I hope so. And today i attended the first day of class again. I hope to be better and achieve more.

Urges still come by. My motivation is still not dry. I barely count the days so dont usually check the day. I hope to be back here on my 21 day streak again. Hope you are all doing well. Lets continue to strive and be better versions of ourselve.

Chase freedom. Lets aim for breakthrough.

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I believe in you. I also came from a religious family. I know, it’s super hard when you understand that pleasure is a big sin that creates distance between you and God. That’s just another reason to fight with this addiction.
“Don’t look back, you know that you are not going that way.”

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We are all with you sister. Keep going, Iam 100% this time you’ll succeed and will become the best

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Tommorow is my GOAL (DAY21)
School is stressing me out so i hope to stay on fighting!

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I am back at DAY 29
Urges have been bothering me.
No classes today just lazy me hahaha

I’ll be working tonight so i hope i can pass this day and reach day 30 tommorow.

I hope to reach day 40

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Day 36

I didn’t noticed the days. Life is completely amazing. Last night i sat on the beach with my friends and talked about life. I am amazed by the progression and steps that i take.

Disappointments surely bothered me this week but still motivated.

I am just trying to be careful and control my feelings. Before my triggers are sexual thoughts that pops up. Some are caused by men and even women. Attraction have been put to disorder since i dealt with pornography. I seem to lost how to relate with other people. I know that i am not in LOVE with others (specially same genders with mine) i am just struggling with lust.

These lust dragged me back 2 years ago when i thought ill be able to quit after months of no PMO.

I am just scared to fall back again.
I hope that natural attraction can make its way back to me. I hope that as I reach streaks, i also conquer myself. To find the real me.

I don’t want this confusion to be another factor to drag me in the mess that i am trying to escape.

I refuse these thoughts of lust.
I refuse to be enslaved by my weaknesses.
I refuse to surrender.

See u at day40

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Day 51
Everything is still fine. I am still fighting. I hope that i’ll finish this tear with victory.

I am under anxiety now because of certain circumstances in my attraction. I hope to get through this. I pray that my friends in real life stay despite the hardness

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DAY56

I never refused this way. I know my weakness.

I could be struggling with lust. I am trying to ward it off. I know it’s not worth it.

However, I am still grateful. The last time this happened, i was driven by my emotions and sexual thoughts. But now, I have and been trying to practice self discipline. And this is not an easy thing. I never thought the day will come where i will try to resist it.

I am in a battle where i set my eyes on the prize. I pray to keep my head high and stay focused.

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Congratulations! Keep doing :slight_smile:

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THE BATTLE IS ALWAYS ON

The battle doesn’t get easier
WE JUST GET STRONGER

How are you all? I hope you are all doing fine. One thing i try to practice is avoiding triggers. My brain is somehow cooperating well this past few days.

One thing i learned is,
“When you’re afraid to fall in the cliff, avoid standing near the edge of the cliff”

If we don’t want to fall, let us avoid going to the edge. Stop testing yourself. You know very well that weakness lingers.

Update:
I am doing great. I think i lost weight due to school stress.

I am also disciplining my self not to get involved in a relationship that is driven by lust.

I pray to reach 2021 fap free.

Freedom comes when you refuse to fail

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Even I’ll confess what happened to me
It was at the age of 8or 9may be(I dont remember exactly but I was too small)
Though being a male
I had this thing happen with me
So my cousin sister is 3 years older than me
I never knew about porn and all at those times(my family is hardcore religious and so was i)
And my sister one day came to me
And said let’s play a game
I was like ok
But what game
She told me…
It’s a game regarding washroom stuff
Inshort it was massaging each others private part
Thankfully
Every stopped after that
I know I have enjoyed it then as it was first time something happened like this
But knowing everything
I’m regretful that it shouldn’t have happened
And also happy that nothing further happened.

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Thank you for sharing your story. When we were kids we are not fully aware on things that happened. But now that weve grown up, every action has a consequence. I hope you’re living an awesome life

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DAY 70

I am juggling resisting the lust, wrong attraction and other priorities.

I just feel happy because reaching day 70 is like a second chance.

This is what happened since i staryed again.

At first the dissappointment is super felt. I felt like a stupid piece that fell after reaching my 100+ day.

I promised not to get the chaser effect. After a month sexual thoughts have lessened. Some days are just hard to resist.

I have some feeling confusion about attraction now. But i’ll get over this soon.

I hope that on my Day90 ill be happier. I ray that my Day 90 be better.

I hope to see you at Day 90

BE THE BEST
CHASE IT!

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You’re on the good path! You can be very proud of you. Keep doing!

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Day 105

I am so grateful for surpassing my longest streak at 104.

There are a lot of times where i wanted to relapse, but here i am i was able to garner 105 days of victory. I plan to finish this year clean and start 2021 in a great way.

The struggle is still here, temptations and triggers. But i want to fight a good fight. I disgust myself for thinking of going back.

We are all humans and sometimes desire take over us. But never think that failures should paint the future we are aiming on.

Also I turned 19 already! So yeah such a great achievemnt to enter my 19th year strong and blessed.

I wish to see you in day 120. Keep fighting! No matter how many times we fell.

Keep your heart strong. Never let anything affect you so much badly. Pressures, triggers and tenptations. We are above them!

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God will bless you @Mid3 for your dedication.

1 Samuel 2:30 - Those who honour me, I will honour. You are honouring God by your commitment and He will honour your commitment. You can read about this in Eric Lidell’s story (Google it).

We’re all with you. Keep going strong :muscle:

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