Maxwell.langlois's Diary - 1: beginning and backstory

I am 16 years old and I have been addicted to masturbation and pornography for about 6 years. I am a practicing Catholic and I love my faith. I have found friends at my church who struggle with the same problem and we have a support group. We all try to make it to Sunday without masturbating or looking at pornography because in the Catholic church it is a sin to receive communion in a state of mortal sin and the eventual goal is to not look at porn or masturbate. This support group really helps me because before this I didn’t really know if I was the only one who struggled with this as much as I did. It has also helped me to grow in my faith by praying with a good group of guys and being part of a community. I Currently do online school so I only interact with my family and people at work on some evenings and then church on Sunday. I believe that my addiction to pornography has grown stronger during this time because I spend most of my time alone in my room and I need a connection with people. I look for that connection in pornography but I don’t find it there. It actually made me feel more alone and more isolated, the opposite of what I was looking for. I have to keep reminding myself that its not going to solve my problems and that its not what I really want to do even when it is all I can think about. I was told about this one priest who said that every time he was tempted he would say to the devil “get out of here punk”. This strategy seems to work pretty well but you have to mean it. The devil will only tempt you if you let him in. I am currently on a 10 day streak of no masturbation or pornography thanks to a therapist I have been seeing who leads support groups related to addiction to porn and masturbation and I 100% plan to never look at porn or masturbate ever again. I have to have the mindset that I will not fall ever again or else I can’t see the end game in my head. I know that it can be hard to look ahead that far but I want to look forward and see a happy me because I did the right thing and didn’t look at pornography or masturbate. I have done some research about how addiction to masturbation or pornography can effect your sex life in the future. This also gives me motivation because not only am I going through this for myself but also for my future wife. I have no idea who my future wife will be or when I will get married but I sure as hell don’t want to be limp dicking it on the honeymoon. Hopefully I will achieve my goals and break this addiction. I still feel tempted often but by identifying and getting rid of things that lead me to looking at porn and masturbating it is a lot easier to resist those temptations and hopefully it will only get easier and easier.