I need to stop this shit, I am progressing to a very strange kind of porn, which is never enough and I need to look for more strangeness. Where will I end if I don’t stop it? I failed several times, I’m on the first day in this app and I hope I can do it this time.
1. First attempt (2/21)
1° day :
I had crazy urges at daybreak, cold turkey really helps (cold turkey is really heavy shit, but only have for windows) but blockerX it is not enough for me in an urge. I acessed a lot of photos in my android in a crazy urge, but i could control myself fortunately. I realize that i will fail if i don’t put a tighter control. My next step is blocking all this sites direct from wifi parental control as suggested by Thenofap_king, im gonna include all, yes Instagram, you too, this little shit is overestimated but he is the initial trigger of much of us. If that doesn’t work, my next step will be to block in the cold turkey’s wifi configuration ip. That way, I won’t be able to change the settings during an impulse. Who’s in control now, addiction bitch?
I think that when we are all on an urge we have contradictory thoughts that make us give up, fortunately they are temporary for me(so far). My thought in urges is to think that I am dividing my self-control between the hard study and holding myself in order not to fall into the PMO cycle. So into a urge i can convince myself to just get a quick relief and go all my attention back to study. Yes, i can be very productive in study doing that. So if my productivity doesn’t go back to what it was before I started this, I feel like those thoughts are going to win and im gonna fail.
i realize now how addict i am, this urges are getting worse, makes me remember when i was fighting nicotine addiction, the felling of need to smoke.
This urges is clearly a abstinence process and fortunately i already have experience with that with my past adiction.
I beat 10 years nicotine addiction and its not some porn that will defeat me.
- Motive: i had to unblock instagram in wifi parental control because it was blocking the app for everyone in the house, so i thought it would be ok to take a look and I ended up watching videos and photos that tormented me all day, flashing in my mind over and over. When night came I no longer had any control over myself and I relapse. I feel sad and ashamed
- Solution: I deleted my instagram. I have to remember that the probability of success is directly linked to avoiding the first stimulus that triggers all others leading to failure.
2. Second attempt
- 1º day: I was able to successfully close myself off to any possible visual stimulation and it was much easier or it was probably easy because it was the first day, we will see.