MAD: My Addicted Brain

Diary entry
November 18, 2022, 1:15 am
Day 0

After creating a support group I left it because I went in a downward spiral into binge watching.
I don’t know why. It felt like I was forced. I couldn’t resist.

I thought that may be after making this group, after being responsible and having an accountability would provide me necessary motivation to help me come out of my addiction. But I was wrong.

The problem was deeper…than I thought. It is deeper. But where the root problem lies I have not been able to pinpoint. My triggers are so fine that I am having trouble detecting them.

2 days before, for the first time I told my friend that I have a porn addiction. He was understanding and supportive. Still it didn’t make me stop doing it.

Now I am in pursuit of finding the problem first. Writing this diary will give me perspective and an insight within myself. May it help others who read it.
But I am writing for none other than myself. Recovery begins with self…

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hey mate i wish you a succesful and enjoyable journey!
ty for sharing and staying on the path :wink:

i was wondering ahve you already checked out “the easy peasy way”?

bests

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Thanks bro. I wish the same for you.
I didn’t read it completely. I’ll start again.
How did you find this book?

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it was a huge help for me to stop using the will power method and to keep my eyes open for easy ways to enjoy my life i have known most of the stuff fro the book before reading but just going through it chapter by chapter really helped change my outlook on pmo…
currently rereading it to remeber thast there is an easy way to quit due to personal struggels etc i hade quite a few relapses and forgot that quitting can be enjoyable and easy :wink:
so in short i apreciate the bok a lot and it helped me alot :slight_smile: may i ask why u did not finish it O.o? would be intresting to know :slight_smile:
bests

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Diary entry Day 0
10:30 am

Since my last entry I relapsed many times due to chaser effect. Since my exams are coming and I am in stress, the stress is then triggering the escapism route of addiction, which in turn is giving more stress. It has become a vicious cycle. Plus there are voices in my head which give me lusty suggestions. It could be from my mind. They influence me when I am the weakest in my willpower, i.e mostly in evenings after work.

Moreover it’s not only the stress thing, it’s also a reward thing. My brain is trained to reward itself using po** stuff. That’s the reason I mostly relapse on Friday evenings. After a stressful week or after studying too much my brain interprets it as a reward to watch and to de-stress itself. But it seems to be distressed, when in fact it is the reason why I am in stress.

I know that but I have not yet completely trusted in that belief or I have not experienced it, just like with God. Just knowing is not enough.

My present struggle is how to be alone, not getting dragged into the addiction viewing and still preparing for the exam while maintaining my focus.

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That’s is always been my dark habit. I don’t do things to completion. The prevalent factor is this addiction.
I watch the stuff and then I lose the motivation to do things.
Can you tell me more about what you changed after reading the book?

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Bro watch this, this video helped me get to the root of my problem
Of course you might have to journal or meditate after this to pinpoint it, but you’ll get there.

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that is the thing xD whern reading the book you get a lot of understaning for propable reassons of your addiction and that simplxy changes how you think about PMO.

that is why i strongly suggest reading the entire bookor listening to it.

the physical things that have changed are e.g. when i get urges i went from

i need to PMO right now or i will be suffering for ever and beeing PMO free is not worth it

to

well i might have an urge rigt now that is okay but i will never again folow up on it since it is simply not worth it and the urge wikll vanish soon

an voila the urge passes i might do sth to distract myself like write a diary about my goals and feelings to understand why i had this specific urge and what i can actually do to change the situation or avoid it in the future…

the will power method is all about “doing” things to get rid of PMO the"easy peasy way" is all about beeing a noPMOer and enjoying to be free xD

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Thank you very much brother :pray::pray:

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And your account name is @SirTryHard … Lol.

Thank you bro:) I’ll definitely start reading the book again.

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Damn, he explained this really well… Thnxs for this …

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I’ve read the book completely twice, listened to it once. It worked for the first time, I was able to go for 134 days just because of that book. I am still thankful for that book.
I wasn’t devaluing your suggestion bro :sweat_smile:, I just posted what helped me this time and I felt might help him and others.

No worries :v:

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sorry mate i did not mean to sound so snappy!!! :sob: :frowning_face:

i have only now finished the video and he did some great explaining!

i should have elaborated it better.
he points out the importance of learning the the rrot cause very well :slight_smile: that combined with the knowledge about how PMO or any other behvaioural addictions screw with our minds and your good to go :wink:

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Can you tell about the experiences of those 134 days? Why you relapsed? Do you think that if you read the book again you’ll be to achieve longest streak or was that then only excitement or motivation which lasted only so long?
Also what changed since then and now?

Pardon me for asking so many questions :))

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No need to worry bro :sweat_smile:.

True that :100::fire:

It’s ok bro, we all are here to help each other, I’ll try me best now to answer your questions.

  1. So during those 134 days I developed a lot of habits, which are still here, like I never miss workout or meditation, not even a single day, I did huge amounts of studies during that streak, which also is helping me now.
  2. Why I relapsed hmm, about that, I made a mistake of searching around the perimeter (like something distantly or not even realted to Porn). This happened around day 100. It reopened the chain of addiction :sweat_smile:, easy peasy mentions to never go for a peak, You just never have to search for anything even remotely related to PMO, that’s all and you’ll be fine.
  3. After 134 days streak, I made one 33 days streak and then next one 49 days but I ended up back again, so I read the book again, I had forgotten a few important lessons but it didn’t have that kind of magical effect as it did have the first time, I was kind of stuck in a chain of relapses for 3 months or so ( like max I lasted in these was 25 days). It was all actually because of my mental addiction, as I’d been on PMO since very long so a few failures were supposed to happen, but what you need to notice here is that, I was on no fap for 1 year before reading easy peasy as well and my highest streak was 19 days during that whole year, so the book literally changed my life, it’s worth mastering the book’s advices.
  4. About what changed, I explained above, I was stuck for a little while but still not that bad, but I was still consistent with all my habits and that was possible because of that one streak and easy peasy was the only thing which changed my mindset completely towards this addiction.
    Now about my current streak, I am on about day 13 or 14 (not counting exactly, just a rough idea), but I know this one’s gonna last long and that’s because of the video I sent, and also because I was sick of relapses, I cried a lot the last time I relapsed, I gathered all my courage and contemplated where I was going wrong, I had made it once why can I not again?
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Also give a read to this post, I have shared a valuable advice here, after about half the post and that is onw of the main reasons I am confident about my current streak.
@medicomonk

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Thank you :pray: very much. Your reply is very informative. I learned a lot and will read the book again.

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Those are good habits you have. I’ll steal some of them. I also do want to come back on track. I never had more than 25 days streak, if I remember right.

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The first step.
But I still don’t know how to do it exactly but I’m on it.

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