MAD Brain: My Addicted Brain

There are a lot of ways to find the hurt.
Often there are multiple ones.

I suggest that when feeling an urge you Dona full body awareness Meditation. As in get some privacy. And start with calm.breathing. than check what kind of sensations come up in your body obviously there will be laut but shove that to the side. Think about your current situation and what stresses youy that will usually lead to either a body sensation or thoughts about stress discomfort etc…
That will be a great hint what you do not like… If you start thinking about how you experiences this the first time or wlabout other experiences that also lead to the same sensations you might find a chain of behaviors and beliefs etc.

Bests

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Good to know, I was able to help :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

Haha sure bro :sweat_smile:. It’s not necessary to maintain a lot of habits though, just meditation and exercising are good enough if you are a busy person but still make sure to do then consistently on a daily basis, just maintain a few good habits but aim for never missing them.

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Ya. That’s a good idea, doing mindfulness meditation. I was also thinking of keeping a small pocket sized diary to record my feelings and emotions daily so that I would know which ones are prevalent.

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Day 0 coming to an end. After many relapses in last week I am pleased that today I was able to move on.

I planned some new things and learned some too.
Like the video down below. It’s good for the people who have exams to give.

It’s not about Nofap… Well not everything in this world is about nofap. Still I find this relevant because it’s about on focussing on learning new things and finding joy in them.

My anger and frustration has decreased since last week as I am focussing on doing things rather than avoiding some.

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Day 1 ended yesterday.
Not feeling any urges. Keeping myself busy.
Still working on the first step- healing trauma. Without it there is no curing of addiction. Willpower method doesn’t work too long and it doesn’t address the root problem.

I heard a beautiful thing yesterday from a leading psychotherapist

Using willpower means using logic to something. But addiction is an emotional problem. How can you deal an emotional issue using logic?

Meditation (20 minutes) - it was not easy. My mind was like a storm.
Yesterday I fasted too.

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Day2 completed. Writing on 02.12.2021.

Yesterday evening when I was tired, my mind was suggesting me to watch it… to give in. I didn’t even had energy to stand up and wash the dishes. It was 10 pm…seemed to early to sleep but I knew if I would be wake then the mind will force me to do it. I didn’t had so much willpower at that time to stop it. So I slept.
I would suggest everyone to sleep early.

Anyways, I had dreams… of girls… and relationships… and friendships…adventures… etc. I know that with everyday of Nofap the dreams gonna get more weird and erotic. But the main thing was, I didn’t gave my mind much time and space to ponder over it. I keep myself busy.
Before even I attempt further steps, I need the foundation strong. I need to face my insecurities and make myself emotionally strong.

I need to raise my EQ.

What would I do if I quit porn?

Goals:

The two most motivating or dominating factors in my life are ‘Time’ and ‘Freedom’.
Every decision based on my life is to save time and to be free. Free to express myself and do what I like.
Porn had taken these 2 most precious commodities from me. 3rd was my relationships with people, of course.

If I quit porn, in the upcoming months/years I would use the saved time to have my freedom and to build something big and productive in life. That could be a big career or a business. I would work on myself physically, mentally and spiritually which I’ve been trying to since many years but failing badly because of my addiction because I start things but never come to finish. Consistency is my weakness.

Most of all, I will try to make up of all those lost years and try to have that financial freedom which provides me time to do my things my way.

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My dear diary…
Day 0 again. For another reasons. I reset the application.
Anyways… I’ll follow the app counter…

I just finish making a new "Mentorship University " page. People who were in that group know that I suddenly left that group without telling. I have yet to ask forgiveness from them.
At that time I didn’t know how that group was helping people. I saw that people were not so interested as I expected. There were very few mentors but I forgot that good things take time… like wine. Not that I drink.
Few brothers have motivated me to make the group again and here I am…

Last MU group was like a professional thing. It was serious. Interesting but somewhat serious. I like it but I was too not comfortable with some things.
New MU group will be more flexible and fun. The mood has been totally changed.

Today I had no urges because I was too excited to start something new. My mind was fully focused on developing something. Something not only for me but for the others too.

Back to track again… :steam_locomotive::train::railway_car::train::railway_car::train::railway_car:

Day 2 going to completion

:new_moon: Woke up around 5 am… had set an alarm :alarm_clock: for 4 am… haha
:last_quarter_moon: Bath in the morning always. It’s important. Then 30 minutes of mantra meditation
:waning_gibbous_moon: Power packed Podcast for 30 minutes
:brain: learning before going to bed. This makes brain sleepy.
:eyes: Now I’ll read a book on my Kindle before going to sleep.

No urges today. Kept myself completely busy. Sleeping early. It’s important for waking up early. Dreams are changing.
Looking forward to next day.

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Day 3 coming to completion

:new_moon:Woke up at 7. Didn’t hear the alarm. Dreamt a lot… atleast 30 dreams.
:last_quarter_moon: Did mantra meditation for 30 minutes… Of course after morning bath, which is important.
:waning_gibbous_moon: Learned whole day… Exam is coming.
:speaking_head: Talked with friends. A person should talk atleast 2-3 times per week with friends and family to avoid depression.
:eyes: Watched Podcasts. Learning something new daily.
:pray: Focussing on spiritual growth.
:money_mouth_face: Eating healthy. Health is the real wealth.

No urges today. Kept myself busy.
:x:No video games. Replaced with learning books
:x:No movies on Netflix. Replaced with good podcast or videos.

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Day 4 coming to completion…

:new_moon: Woke up at 6:30am…struggling to wake up earlier. It takes a good skill to wake up and snooze everything which has an alarm into it. I can write a book on "how to snooze and rest again in peace.

:last_quarter_moon: Took bath in the morning. Which is important. 30 minutes of mantra meditation. I slept more than I was awake. Well, no one said it would be easy :notes:

:waning_gibbous_moon: Power podcasts for 1 hr. This one was very heavy… very deep. Not easy to understand.

:x:As always… replaced some habits with good habits. I swear, it’s very hard to not think about the game I was playing since 1 month… So addictive. Time will tell how strong my resolve is.

Still, the first thing is trying to develop gratitude. This is just a temporary phase till my exam. After that the real work will begin-- Confrontation and healing of the past trauma, where I’ll try with a microscope to find the root problem.

Again starting to write my diary entry after such a long time.
Currently on Dopamine detox.

It’s fear of losing that makes us relapse too. Losing something, we think, has meaningful place in our lives. We fear to let go of our pleasure. And we have associated pleasure with po** & Fap, that’s why we fear to let them go.