I own this post to myself, regarding what I’ve written 6 months ago…again I could have passed 200 days by now, but instead I am again on day 3.
So what happened…again the usual un-awareness during sneaky urges and the incapability to remember ones determination. I have not ejaculated once, thank god I know how to keep continent, but again I have brought a lot of energetic turmoil in my system and my brain. But there is another thing that I want to speak out for you all.
I had the “great idea” to make the challenge harder for myself around 3 months ago, so I’ve ordered all kinds of testosterone boosters and aphrodisiacs on the internet. My plan was to increase my hornyness so that I have more energy for transmutation.
Well…I wasn’t ready for it yet. I have combined 5 boosters, including a plant called “horny goat weed” ( Barrenwort). My dudes…plants names are chosen for specific reasons and that stuff makes you horny as fuck. I took high dosages of 10x extracts and combined it with other extracts like Gokshura, Pine pollen and MACA.
All this resulted in a first P watching relapse, the fascination for naked hot woman was just too overwhelming. This has broken the ice.
Over the course of the last 3 months I have edged around 30 times, I have always set back the counter of course. But I was too blind to admit that the plants are just too much for me. So I kept fighting with the determination to withhold it. I was too proud to be beaten by plants, I wanted to develop the will power to deal with an even highly enhanced horniness. I mean, what use has it if you have a 300 day streak if you have merely no sexual power inside you? I don’t want to become a monk-like guy who has simply shut off sexualty, I want to be an alchemist who transmutes tons of sexual energies into a higher state of consciousness.
I am now ready to go into round 2, this time I am determined to be stronger than ever. I will see the plants as my friends now. I will keep coming back to this thread to stay commited. In order to prevent to be overwhelmed by the immense hornyness I will increase my workouts and sadhana practices. I will stay as productive and active as possible.
Also I want to see the good side of all this. During the edges I have trained my tantric capabilites, I was able to have up to 20 mini-orgasms in a single 1-hour session without spilling any semen. I am now more confident to meet woman and overwhelm them with my power to uplift them.
Still, I also admit my shame to have gone to those diabolic websites from this demonic porn industry and want to excuse myself infront of god and this community. Nothing justifies a relapse.
Stay strong everyone.
Peace