[M26] Journey to become the ultimate spiritual Biohacker

Welcome Fapstronauts.

This post was written under the name “Who we could have been by now” 3 weeks ago, and I now decided to use this as a kickstart to log my journey. It reminds me how much time has slipped and I will learn from that mistake forever.

I have now made my ultimate commitment to become what I strive to be. To unleash my potential and open towards the world as a proactive member of society.
I was living in isolation and shyness, also in egoistic behavior. Everything I wanted has happened in my fantasy. And even though I made a lot of progress on my mental development, I have done nothing for humanity. This will now change, and this Log will be a reminder for me to achieve progress everyday and manifest a self-sustaining existence and an open organisation by 1.1.2020.

For the past 9 years I have studied, researched and experienced some of the highest states of conscioussness one can imagine, and I now feel it is time to culminate my knowledge for the good of humanity, espacially the new generation.

I will update this post when the details have settled in my head, for now I want to welcome anyone who needs help or inspiration.


(Original post)

Hey Everyone…28 Days current streak. Havent Ejeculated for 3 years though, was evolving quite well and lived a life full of wonders. But still, P and M have haunted me.

You know what really angers me? First time I read about NoFap was in 2012 in a Bodybuilding Forum. Was hooked by the first moment. The science, the logic, the sense has deeply convinced me. It could have ended there, but it didn’t.

First time I installed the App was on 1.1.2016. If I would have sticked to my commitments back then my streak would be over 1400 days by now. But it isn’t.

And it pisses me off. Im getting really clear in my head this streak and I just can’t believe what kind of a stupid fucking idiot I was. It is almost unbearable to picture myself now as a person with a 1400 day streak, or even a 4000 (!) day streak when considering my knowledge in 2012. Who could I be by now if it wasn’t for my stupidity?

I am 26 now. It’s still young. More than young enough to become who I want to be, but still it’s not the same as if you are 19. I feel the clock ticking and it brings tears to my eyes to imagine myself as the 26 years old guy with all his dreams fulfilled because he is full of life force from conserving his sexual energy for years. Here I am with a pathetic 28 day streak. I am so full of anger and disappointment right now. I know what many of you will say, it’s a battle and for everytime you fall you stand up again, but still. I knew what I was going into back then and still I failed.

Just imagine…imagine who you could have been by now. That’s the ultimate trigger to stick to your final commitment. Forever.

9 Likes

images%20(1)

13 Likes

Just keep in mind you don’t want to go through this again when you’re 30 do you? You’re still in your 20s dude. You’ve got so much life ahead and you’re doing something about this addiction already. You’re hella good. :+1:

5 Likes

Forget about what if i could Just Read this What i can do,Today

Mind is a fucking idiot… instead of living in present moment, its fooling you.

Live Today because time is already fleeting.

10 Likes

I am not gonna act as if i know how dissapointed you are man wow, its crazy how we go soo far and still fall back and thanks to your post you remind me of something!!, WE NEED TO WRITE WHAT WILL REMIND US OF WHERE WE WERE BEFORE, WE NEED REMINDERS AND WE NEED TO STAY HUMBLE ALL TIMES.

3 Likes

Yeah and even in 30’s you are still young hell even 40’s

7 Likes

Leave alone the past. I am living 26th day of my new life.

7 Likes

Agreed and nostalgia is just an illusion of how times used to be great when in those times we still had strugles, but somehow when we reflect back on the past we always see the good this is why i don’t care about nostalgic “feelings” anymore. Living in the present is a blessing

5 Likes

I appreciate your input fellow warriors, but it’s not that I wouldn’t be aware of all that. After 7 years…it was mainly a post to manifest my final epiphanys because I am deeply convinced that I made a breaktrough, and yes of course all the relapses add up to the process because if it wasn’t for them and if it wasn’t for the battle to always stand up again and commit to a new streak, I wouldn’t be the person that I am right now.

As I said I haven’t ejaculated for the past 3 years, was living in a tantra yogic ashram and learned a lot about inner alchemy and the process of transmutation. My longest streak in those years was 130 and I maybe watched p 20-30 times a year, lesbian sensual movies only. Only edged to the point where I could still hold my semen inside and called it “training”. But even this has always fucked up the brain chemistry and hindered a full rewirement and shift of focus on the higher purpose of life. Also, I havent’t yet rewired my connection to women in real life, which is the main factor that has hold me down until now. Those last years have been subtle, but the fight against the most subconscious desires is the most important. A lot of people here make the mistake to try to underpin their sexual energy, but this will only cause huge problems. THE ENERGY MUST BE CHANNELED!!!

For all those who struggle with major PMO and the inherent loss of life force, let me tell you that the biggest mistake that you can do is to “NOT using” it. Because then it will accumulate subconscioussly in your weak spots and harden your blockadges, mental agitations and might even lead to chronic unharmonious behavior and perceptions. And a relapse will be the natural safety response from your body to get rid of those bad energies accumulating. This is why many religious people become perverts (like the priests who rape little boys) or develop inbalances in other aspects of their personality. Sexual Force IS ULTIMATELY your LIFE FORCE. And if you currently don’t engadge with woman, the habit of semen conservation is in fact the smartest thing to do. But it will benefit you only when you use it to develop yourself. In any aspects. So don’t castrate yourself, don’t turn away from it as if it was something bad, be as conscious about it as possible and transmute it. And your success and growth will be a natural consequence.

Peace. Be strong.

8 Likes

Day 50

First post of my Log.

It is the second time since my early youth that I have come to 50 days, everything becomes clear and you feel like you are getting back on track of time, space and existence.

My current imbalance is the structuring of the day. I will deeply contemplate this misbehavior and come up with a plan until the evening.

5 Likes

Day 53

Alright, here we go.

My problem is that I sleep to long and have no structure during my free days. Everything resolves around when I have my next meal, which videos I should watch next and what workout comes next. Also I check my smartphone several times a day and permanantly browse youtube without a certain intention. I have more than 20 tabs open in my browser, five books and some study material that waits to be read since ages and more than 300 note papers that have to be organized.

I hereby admit that I am lazy, disorganized and distracted. I have everything provided that I need to succesfully start my dream organisation, and yet I procrastinate. Typical pathetic first world problems…

Here is what I am going to do, and if I fail I WILL RESET MY COUNTER. My streak is now including my dayly tasks. Otherwise, this whole NoFap Discipline would be wasted.

20.09.-27.09. - Finishing my note papers into a cohrent order, clean up my desktop and study all the open tabs without opening new ones. The 27th is shivaratri night, so it’s good to have all cleaned up and come up with a new plan.

Waking up at 6:30. - I am literally tired from sleeping untill 10 or later every day, it just ruins ones inner biological structure and makes one lazy.

Here is my new routine until shivaratri:

-6:30 wake up, 20min meditation and writing down my dreams in the night (part of my dream-yoga sadhana)
-cold shower
-1hour of hatha yoga

Also I will check my smartphone TWICE a day, for the rest of the time it is offline. Period.

I will do one entry here every evening and share if I fail. And I really don’t want to fuck up because I like to see that number grow, it would psychologically deteriorate me if the counter would go back to zero.
It’s funny how such a number can have such meaning…if it wasn’t for this app I don’t know if I would have made it out the p cycle. May this app and community be blessed!

Peace

6 Likes

Day 54

Good day, sticked to my commitment.

4 Likes

Day 55 --> New Badge, always motivating :sunglasses:

Today was great. Was part of a workshop about applying masculinity as a yogi. The key is to center in the spiritual HEART. This is missing here mostly I feel. there is the instincts you are fighting from “down there” and the mind that is analyzing and processing and planing"up there".
But where are YOU? Where is your TRUE self? It is in the heart… If you focus and become predominantly active there, making it your consciousness home base so to say, you are in your center and you are in the position to observe everything that is going on inside and outside, down there and up there, as a fully consciouss human being! The mind should not have control because it can never truly be in the present moment, it can only plan ahead or analyze shortly after, where life HAPPENS is in the heart.
The heart connects to your superior knowledge: Your intuition. The heart knows whats best for you. But the heart can’t talk, because talking is something the intellect does and words don’t describe the actual reality, words are only a bridge for communication. The way your heart “talks” to you is intuition, and the language is feelings. So whatever direction you should go for your best development, your heart already knows. The heart is closely interconnected to your soul and thereby it leads your soul evolution. We have to relearn to listen to it…because the mind is the great deceiver. It is connected to the senses and the entire society is manipulated through them…
Reconnect to your heart, and it will start shining again. And the light it emits will lighten you the path, and once you can see the path again you can clearly walk towards the absolute. No more speculating, no more confused theories. Only intuition and pure Beingness.

After today, I consider myself completely out of the cycle. What is P? P stands for pathetic…It’s almost pityful to imagine myself in the last years…I was blind. Now I can see again. And I wish to you from all of my heart that you will reconnect to the path as well.

Peace

P.S.: The regret and shame that everyone here feels after a relapse…that’s in your heart :wink:

4 Likes

Words of Wisdom :pray::pray::pray:
Your Journey n thoughts also Motivates me spiritually. :om:

3 Likes

Day 57

Going good, want to be more focused and determined though because things are still developing to slow. Gotta make time windows of several hours to a specific task, to stick to it and make progress. I am still shifting from one thing to the next and never get serious with anything. This will stop now.

Have a great time everyone.

3 Likes

Day 58

Man, time goes fast… I really have to work on myself. Staying disciplined and committed is important. I keep going, choosing what is really necessary.

Peace

1 Like

Day 60

It’s great to be at this point now, having such a long streak again is really thanks to this app and community. The last years, my mind has always made up some pseudo-logic excuse to edge after a few weeks. Sharing and caring in balance, giving and receiving. It’s crucial for development.

All you people who are only reading and never participate - write down your struggles and see how clear you get!

As for my routine, I am getting clearer what it’s all about and what I truly want to be. I want to live, I want to explore. I want to not know what’s going to happen tomorrow and grow. I want to do things out of my comfort zone and I want to learn about myself and the universe. For this, I have to face my anxieties.
Took me a long time to admit it because I am very good in playing the cool guy, but deep inside I fear rejection. Also, I have a lot of poisoning regret inside me. This all slows me down.

Now that I have identified it, I will take action.

Tomorrow is shivaratri, and from the 28th of September I will come up with a new routine to center in and live from my heart.

Peace.

2 Likes

Day 68

My streak and transmutation is in good process, so I got that going for me which is nice…

On the other hand I had major structural and practical issues during the last days. Spending so much time watching movies and videos, being on my phone a lot (mostly this app) and having issues to motivate myself to realise my goals. And time is passing relentlessly…feels bad, man.

So here is my new sadhana tapas for the next consecutive 21 days. I consecrate this practice to Siva, the ultimate transcendent consciousness of god, in the attempt to transmute all my life force into the expansion of my mind and perception. I will especially focus in my heart center in order to connect to my soul. During my meditations I will focus equally in Anahata (Jivatman), Ajna and Sahasrara. I will update daily for myself.

Siva Sadhana

morning routine

  • 6:30 waking up
  • dream analysis and journaling
  • cold shower

Sadhana

  • 1h Hatha Yoga and Pranayama
  • 1h Laya Yoga Meditation
  • 30 minutes workout from heart center energy
  • 1 hour of reading

Goal Achievment

  • 2h of paper and digital organization
  • Networking by impulse and intuition from the heart

I WILL SET MY TIMER FOR THE TASKS AND FINISH THEM WITHOUT DISTURBANCE

That’s it. I’ve had enough of my lazyness. This is a deep rooted poison that has been accumulated parallel to my fapping habit in my past. It’s time to eliminate it once and for all.

Strength and perseverence to all of you.

Peace

1 Like

Day 69

Going better, feels good to be back on track with a plan and structure. I really feel how the reboot kicks in more and more, everything one does is feeling more intense, memorising and making connections in the brain is going fast and efficient. This whole semen retention is really getting into the brain. It’s one of the biggest kept secrets in our time nowadays.

I’m still not satisfied with my productivity and focus though. I feel there is so much more potential and I don’t keep my focus for long. I want to get that in-depth immersive feeling you have when you were a child in the 90’s. No internet, no cellphones. Just you and your fantasy. I’m thinking about monk mode and I will definetely plan a detox from electronics for a month or so. Want to finish my stuff as quick as possible now and then plan ahead. Right now I want to settle my streak deeper and sculp my future organisation.

Stay strong and determined everyone.

Peace.

3 Likes

Day 70

Grateful and blessed for the streak and time.

Old habit is still continuing…whenever I write those lines in the evening it hurts. Why am I constantly seeking to watch videos? I know I want to learn things, but one learns much more about oneself through sincere practice and actions than through watching others on youtube. I have to admit the internet got me here. I think I need something like a rewire companion for internet addiction. There is probably also dopamine involved.

So tomorrow is monday again…I will start with new impulses for making transformation happen.

Stay strong everyone.

Peace

3 Likes