[M25] Green Lantern's Journal

Diary
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1

This is Green Lantern’s Jounal.

I usually post about my day in the 90-day hero challenge. I may do some posting here, actually in writing this, such could be an opportunity to work on condensing my text to digest more easily ie. TLDR.

For now, the main use of this journal will be my spiritual wife’s (married just not legally) and I’s argument free challenge.

I took inspiration from both the 90 day hero challenge & mini challenge. For ranks, I used runescape trees lol…(Glad I quit that 13 year addiction. Doesn’t mean I don’t make references still though)

JUST SAY ROWLET
(rowlet is our safe word for I need to go to other room and relax)

𝗧𝗼𝗽 𝟯 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝘆 Love Bug ( one of many nicknames for my spiritual wife) 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁𝘀 𝗹𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝘂𝗴𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗮𝘁 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝘁 𝟭 𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗸 𝗽𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴 (𝗶𝗻 𝗻𝗼 𝗼𝗿𝗱𝗲𝗿):

  1. (Will fill when I find she doesn’t feel overwhelmed with life

2.“” “”

3.“” “”

𝗧𝗼𝗽 𝟯 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝘆 May Bug (me)𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗹𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝘂𝗴𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗮𝘁 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝘁 𝟭 𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗸 𝗽𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴 (𝗶𝗻 𝗻𝗼 𝗼𝗿𝗱𝗲𝗿):

  1. Love Bug will lower her drawbridge (more commitment) inch by inch allowing me to worry less about her leaving.

  2. Realize that Love Bug loves me very dearly & wants to be together forever. This is done through unclouded thoughts and more awareness of the present moment and interaction.

  3. We will be stronger together as a team allowing us to have more fun & enjoyment playing pogo together, going to concerts, vacations, alone time, every day life.

  4. Strengthen my love for love bug due to less anxiety & higher confidence in her, us and I.

  5. Be able to achieve my health & business goals with ease, due to having a calmer mind.

𝗥𝗲𝗴𝘂𝗹𝗮𝗿𝗹𝘆 𝗿𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝟯 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗼𝗻𝘀, 𝗮 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗶𝗺𝘂𝗺 𝗼𝗳 𝗼𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗮 𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗸.

𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗦𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱:
𝗗𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗿𝗴𝘂𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 𝗱𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗸𝘀:

A. 𝗔𝗰𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗹𝗲𝗱𝗴𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗶𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗲 𝗶𝗺𝗺𝗲𝗱𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗯𝘆 𝘀𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 Love Bug: "Rowlet” (Rowlet is our safe word for when I need a little space as I’m getting agitated & need to calm down)

B. 𝗔𝗰𝗰𝗲𝗽𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗶𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗲. “It’s okay. It’s normal. Everyone has potential, but, it is our actions which count. I don’t need to feel ashamed or guilty for what led up until this point.”

C. 𝗔𝗰𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗹𝗲𝗱𝗴𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗳𝗿𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗼𝘀𝗲. “I am free to choose whether a heightened situation goes sour. My choice is for this situation only in this very moment. I don’t have to worry about next time because I have a choice again then too.”

D. 𝗖𝗵𝗼𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘃𝗶𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝗽𝗶𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲: “I choose my vision where Love Bug & I enjoy day to day life together, get enough down time, go to events together, and slowly grow old together.

Your Shield:
𝗗𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝗯𝘆 𝗽𝘂𝗿𝘀𝘂𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗮𝗶𝗹𝘆 𝗵𝗼𝗯𝗯𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗱𝘂𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗶𝘁𝘆, 𝗲𝘁𝗰.

Choose positive activities you will engage in whenever you’re feeling negative emotions like stress, anxiety, distress, discomfort, sadness, anger, boredom etc. Possible activities include: listening to good music, working on Fiverr to-do’s, ASO, appsgeyser, website, sitting outside on porch or balcony (dress appropriately), taking some deep breaths, smiling, laughing, reading a good book, watching your favourite movie, series or a documentary, going for a walk, meditation, getting some healthy space, journaling your thoughts etc. No matter what emotions you feel as a result of life’s struggles, arguing is not the answer. Arguing is not an option.

𝗟𝗲𝘁’𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗮𝗿𝗴𝘂𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗮 𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗸 :couple: | 𝟵𝟬+ 𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱𝗻’𝘁 𝗯𝗲 𝘁𝗼𝗼 𝗯𝗮𝗱 𝗲𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 :ok_hand:

Love Bug
:white_check_mark: = Yes
:person_shrugging: = No

May Bug
:white_check_mark: = Yes
:man_shrugging: = No

𝗗𝗮𝗶𝗹𝘆 𝗣𝗼𝗶𝗻𝘁 𝗦𝘆𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗺

:couple: 𝗧𝗼𝗴𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 (1 week max = +675 each):
:white_check_mark: 𝗡𝗼 𝗔𝗿𝗴𝘂𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗱(𝘄): 25 coins (+500) each
:dizzy_face: 𝗔𝗿𝗴𝘂𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁: Each -25% coins

:woman_singer: Love Bug (𝟭 𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗸 𝗺𝗮𝘅 = 71+ 𝗰𝗼𝗶𝗻𝘀):
:white_check_mark: 𝗚𝗲𝘁 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗯𝗲𝗱: 3 coins
:white_check_mark: 𝗕𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳: 5 coins
:white_check_mark: Get groceries 15 coins (+5 bonus for >1 p/w)

:man_dancing: May Bug (𝟭 𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗸 𝗺𝗮𝘅 = 𝟵𝟰 𝗰𝗼𝗶𝗻𝘀):
:white_check_mark: 𝗘𝗮𝘁 𝗲𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵: 5 coins
:white_check_mark: 𝗦𝘁𝗮𝘆 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗺/𝗦𝗵𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗶: 3 coins
:white_check_mark: 𝗚𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗝𝗲𝗻 𝗲𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝘀𝗽𝗮𝗰𝗲: 4 coins
:white_check_mark: 𝗗𝗶𝘀𝗵𝗲𝘀 𝗦𝗮𝘁 𝗼𝗿 𝗦𝘂𝗻: 10 coins

𝗦𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗸 𝗥𝗮𝗻𝗸 + 𝗕𝗼𝗻𝘂𝘀𝗲𝘀:

(R12)𝗘𝗹𝗱𝗲𝗿: 𝟵𝟭+
x3 coin bonus

(R11)𝗠𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗰: 𝟴𝟭 - 𝟵𝟬 𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀
x2.15 coin bonus

(R10)𝗬𝗲𝘄: 𝟳𝟭 - 𝟴𝟬 𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀
x2.05 coin bonus

(R9)𝗠𝗮𝗵𝗼𝗴𝗮𝗻𝘆: 𝟲𝟭 - 𝟳𝟬 𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀
x1.95 coin bonus

(R8)Eucalyptus: 51 - 60 days
x1.85 coin bonus

(R7)𝗔𝗿𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝗣𝗶𝗻𝗲: 𝟰𝟭 - 𝟱𝟬 𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀
x1.75 coin bonus

(R6)𝗔𝗰𝗮𝗱𝗶𝗮: 𝟯𝟭 - 𝟰𝟬 𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀
x1.65 coin bonus

(R5)𝗠𝗮𝗽𝗹𝗲: 𝟮𝟭 - 𝟯𝟬 𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀
x1.55 coin bonus

(R4)𝗧𝗲𝗮𝗸: 𝟭𝟭 - 𝟮𝟬 𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀
x1.45 coin bonus

(R3)𝗪𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄: 𝟴-𝟭𝟬 𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀
x1.35 coin bonus

(R2)𝗢𝗮𝗸: 𝟲-𝟳 𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀
x1.25 coin bonus

(R1)𝗦𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴: 𝟯-𝟱 𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀
x1.15 coin bonus

(R0)𝗦𝗲𝗲𝗱: 𝟬 - 𝟮 𝗱𝗮𝘆(𝘀)
x1.00 coin bonus

1 Like
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Day 1 - Jan 24:

:couple: 𝗧𝗼𝗴𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 Rank 0 - Seed | x1 coin bonus:
:white_check_mark: 𝗔𝗿𝗴𝘂𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 Free: 25 coins

:woman_singer: Love Bug
:white_check_mark: 𝗚𝗲𝘁 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗯𝗲𝗱: 3 coins
:white_check_mark: 𝗕𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳: 5 coins
:white_check_mark: Groceries: 0 coins

:moneybag: 𝗖𝗼𝗶𝗻𝘀 𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼𝗱𝗮𝘆: 33
:moneybag: 𝗧𝗼𝘁𝗮𝗹 𝗰𝗼𝗶𝗻𝘀: 33

:man_dancing: May Bug:
:white_check_mark: 𝗘𝗮𝘁 𝗲𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵: 5 coins
:white_check_mark: 𝗦𝘁𝗮𝘆 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗺/𝗦𝗵𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗶: 3 coins
:white_check_mark: 𝗚𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗝𝗲𝗻 𝗲𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝘀𝗽𝗮𝗰𝗲: 4 coins
:pause_button: 𝗗𝗶𝘀𝗵𝗲𝘀 𝗦𝗮𝘁 𝗼𝗿 𝗦𝘂𝗻: 0 coins:

:moneybag: 𝗖𝗼𝗶𝗻𝘀 𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼𝗱𝗮𝘆: 37
:moneybag: 𝗧𝗼𝘁𝗮𝗹 𝗰𝗼𝗶𝗻𝘀: 37

3

A great startup green lantern hope to join up the rally soon but a lot of calculations😁sorry bro

4

Putting this on hold for a bit as I’m currently doing enough motivational pushes for habbits and don’t want to feel overwhelmed.

5

I’m finally eating around 1650+ calories from 1100 that I was eating for more than 1 year

I’ve struggled with appetite shortly after I moved out of my parents place 7 years ago. My dad taught me how to cook well. Not like 5 stat restaurant/cooking channel well, but cook for you friends & wife well which is all you need.

I always had separation anxiety going places alone unless it was to school. Because of this, and some laziness as well, I quickly stopped going grocery shopping enough.

Money was no issue. With my funding I could have spent $300 per month on a very healthy diet. It was just the above 2 things.

Then, years down the road I went on welfare for a bit. This worsened and already tiny appetite from my stomach shrinking.

To make matters worse, 1 of my medications lowers appetite too. Thankfully I was able to go down to the 2nd lowest dose.

I felt hopeless, cooking real food other than canned stuff was hard. I always ate plenty of fruits and vegetables though because they’re ready to eat. Also, I’ve always love yogurt and chocolate milk. So, my diet wasn’t all that unhealthy.

I was slowly starting to get cravings and actually cook chicken breasts and pork chops. It felt amazingly rewarding. Taking the time to season and sauce your meat, even if simply then checking if the meat is ready, presentation, then the meal was so rewarding.

I think I can thank a lot to my new anti-depresant I’ve been on for almost 1 year. I always told myself I’d get my diet perfect (always around 80% clean) before I’m 30 as it’s so much harder to lose weight then.

With it, I finally said, well im 25, i better make some traction.

But, this change was so slow and my mental capabilities were not adequate for me.

What changed everything!
My mental health “life coach” have you, recommended I go on a junk food diet for 2-3 months. She said if you asked any nutritionist about this, they would put on a red siren.

But, she explained how nutritionists aren’t yet up to par with the knowledge of eating disorders. It hit me hard when I realized … “wow, I guess I do have an eating disorder”. Obviously I do when I was previously only hungry for 1500 calories at the most, but usually ate around 1100.

Your body’s organs need at least 1500 calories to fully function…no wonder I get moody so much.

So, I’ve been on this junk food diet for around 6 weeks. For the first 3 weeks I upped my calorie intake to around 1350-1500.

Now, in the past 1-2 weeks, I’m up to around 1650 on a conservative average.

I’m not really gaining weight, probably due to me usually getting in my 10,000 steps per day. I play Pokemon go, and care very much about the benefits of cardio.

But, what matters is I’m starting to feel so much more stable.

The previous 2000 calorie a day has been priven not enough. Women need 2000-2500 where men need 2500-3000. This obviously goes with a semi-active lifestyle. We’re supposed to be getting in our 10,000 steps everyday, but something like 80% of canadians don’t get enough cardio (thanks 40+ hour work weeks & desk jobs!).

So, I’m continuing on my journey feeling better every day.

Note, I don’t eat 100% junk food, I still eat like 30% healthy stuff. It’s called crap food because it generally makes you feel like crap and good food because it makes you feel good.

I was working towards an 80% clean diet and was previously rising from around 65-70%.

So, thankfully I’m not worried about switching back to healthy stuff after. I was already on the right path, it just wasn’t fast enough to be considered safe as I’ve been like this for far too long.

6

My streak was broke last night :worried:.

There’s a certain women’s wrestler that has massive body parts. She came on TV when my spiritual wife was out playing Pokemon for 10 minutes.

I am able to watch women’s wrestling thankfully, but there are 3-4 I can’t watch due to big body parts.

I wasn’t really looking at her that much and I was more thinking and visualizing my spiritual wife but the fact that this wrestler triggered it and I was looking at her for a couple seconds makes me consider this a relapse sadly.

If my Spiritual wife leaves when I’m here, I’ll shut off the TV.

I’m not going to pay for pirate cable anymore because I only really got it for partner and she’s not using it. The $24 per month this costs I’m using instead to buy 1 pack of Pokemon cards per week to convince me to go grocery shopping.

I’ve made a lot of progress and made a lot of needed changes. This is sadly a bump in the road. Every time I relapse the act becomes less severe (from p videos, to photos, to Photoshop, to this etc).

I’m proud of myself for how far I’ve come. Honestly, I had a feeling that I’d relapse a couple times before I quit for good. Not because I didn’t think I couldn’t achieve it, but just because it seemed realistic.

I actually feel at this point however that it is possible for me not to relapse anymore. This is one of the greatest feelings in the world and honestly in writing this just now I’ve reignited the flame that represents my motivation, determination, and belief in myself I feel I lost about 2 weeks ago probably due to flat line.

Now, for motivation, I’m joining the 90 day challenge to achieve a dream goal which mine is creating an online business to thrive off of. (last man standing)

As per the group’s rules, I’ll post whenever I’m feeling demotivated.

Also, I’ve been slacking on my taking of anti-depresant again. I’m going to refill my carry on right after writing this.

Now, when these specific women come on TV there are plenty of things I can do instead and I commit to doing 1 or more of them when they come on TV.

  1. Meditate in bedroom
  2. Do my sword affirmations in bedroom
  3. Do the dishes
  4. Start finishing up what I didn’t complete yet for my business on my laptop facing away from TV
  5. Listen to some empathy EDM with headphones in bedroom (not trap as the lyrics sometimes talk about women in derogatory ways which adds to the difficulty of maintaining a streak - when I listen to this in everyday normal moments, I’m now not going to listen to those specific “bad” songs.
  6. Make something to eat and eat it at my computer desk facing away from TV
  7. Go for walk in hallways
  8. In nice weather sit on balcony
  9. Pet Spook (spiritual wife’s cat) facing away from TV
  10. Call my dad, text mom or message Tom (brother) on Facebook.

I spoke with my spiritual wife and calmed down the situation and she understood.

I believe in myself and so does she! I’m still proud of myself for how far I’ve come. Here we go again for the last time which I truly believe is possible.

Also, I’m going to start training myself to post in the telegram group even when I get very tiny urges. That way, if a big urge comes I’ll be ready to eliminate the cause/ leave the environment immediately then open up the chat and inform the group I’m getting an urge even if it was a 1 second thought.

2 Likes
8

Brother, what you’ve described there sounds like a slip and not a relapse. You’ve made tremendous progress, don’t beat yourself up over the mistake.

1 Like
9

Thank you for your message. I honestly felt like I didn’t relapse either at first. I just still felt like I let down my spiritual wife and the community.

Slip is the perfect word for it. Like I said, at first I didn’t consider it a relapse, but after thinking of what others would think and say I became really hard on myself and labeled it a relapse.

I have a bad habit of being too hard on myself. I get that from my Dad.

I feel a sigh of relief over my body and spirit now that I’ve confirmed that it was a slip and not a relapse.

I appreciate you helping me have this great insigh.

Ahhh…le sigh.

1 Like
10

Convinced myself porn was okay because I remembered what my therapist said and nitpicked her conversation.

At first she said porn is just something most guys watch. But, when I explained to her my whole story and how I got fired from an amazing job she understood and agreed porn is not good for me.

I think this relapse was inevitable after having some insight. Every time I’d end up slipping up in the past and watching it my spiritual wife would get very mad and sad and has even watched porn to make me feel the same way as she did.

This just made the situation worse and made me really mad at her in that moment.

I think every time I did slip up and watch porn I never got the full “benefit” I was looking for cause I knew I was going to have to eventually tell her and shit would hit the fan for 3 days.

I think part of my body “needed” to just watch it, get it over with and not have the worry about my spiritual wife knowing because I told her.

I relapsed 5x in the past week or 2. It felt different these times. Regardless, I didn’t want the habit to form in these times of crisis where I’m separated from her as we have our own addresses. So, I decided to finally come here and reset my streak and become a part of the community again.

2 reasons I stopped posting was I thought I was fine and now realize I’ll likely have to post here for at least 3-5 years if not longer. And after that always have the app installed for emergency urges as I’m sure those will still happen even at 1000 days.

Another reason I stopped posting was pretty much nobody was posting in last person standing or 90 day challenge. I have accepted that doesn’t matter and what only matters is I’m making my posts “public” to show I’m taking things seriously as posting here even if nobody reads my posts is still better than me just posting to my own Google Keep as that is never possible for anyone to read. At least this app people have the choice to read it.

And I mean, enough people were liking my stuff. I think I just wanted an excuse not to use the app as it became overwhelming again. Will keep things simple and refrain from long ass posts like this so I don’t think like “man fuck that app, I’m going to have to spend like 1 hour on that each night!” I’ll keep it to 5-10 minutes now for the most part.