Lumpri dairy male 27

Diary
1

Hello everyone, I have decided that it was time to share my Journey, so that I can grow from other and other can grow from/with me.

Here’s my story : I am 27, I live in France(French) I have been addicted to PMO since I was 16. I was/am suffering from social anxiety/shyness and I have taken many different approch to overcome this.

I met a few profesionnal coaches and psychologs to help me be more happy and enthusiasm in life.
After many failed attempt with coaches, I finally met one who told me about a community that stopped watching porn and masturbation, he told me that they felt a regain in self confidence, many improvement in their lifes.

I was shocked and dubious, but decided to give it a try, I went on a few forum and was amazed by the success story written, it was very inspiring.

I said ok let;'s stop and see(it was three years ago).

The next day, when I went to school, I was looking at the sky and I never saw it looking that beautiful, then I stepped in the classroom, and I began talking, my voiced had changed, my ex-girlfriend in the class began to gaze at me with such an expression I had never see in a woman’s eyes.

Then I went back home, and on my way I encountered another girl of my class, we began talking and when I said “can I ask you somehting?” she began to smile and make sort of a little feminine dance lol, it was very Strange because it was the first in my life that girl were reacting that way.

The next day, I went in class, my voiced was even stronger, there was a debate and the people in my “team” decied that I should be the leader representating them. So I talked and at the end, my ex-grilfriend(she was my ex at that time) said “escuse me can you repeat” and when I repeated she said “oh my god you are so funny” the teacher said why do you want him to repeat, he said it so good (pronouciation, it was an English class)

I was amazed,
Then I had to give a speech in front of my class in the afternoon, almost every girl in the class was smilling and looking at me, that’s nice lol.
Then one girl watched my lips when we were close lol.

Then I went back home, and another girl went to me, asking what time it was, when clearly she didn’t gave a damn about my answer and was looking at me very intensively and close to me lol.

All of that in just two days, voiced changed, demanour changed, girl attraction, confidence changed.
that’s the first time in my life that I said to myself “ok I am not so shy afterall” and I was looking at life very excited.

Then the next day I crashed, brainfog, and everything, I was a zombie, and my body was crashing lol.
Then 3 years from now, I have never experienced those benefits again.

My record is 180 days without PMO.
I am going to write often here, a couples time a week.

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So for three years I have been trying a lot of differents things to feel those benefits again.
I began to learn to play guitar, I have a challenging job, I go out more (still room for improvement there)
I got my driving licence, I read many books.

Most importantly I continued my journey in self-development, but this time more focus on feeling emotions and the body.

So now here I am day 5 of this new journey.
I feel there is changement in the air and I am very optimistic.

One advice, keep being busy and don’t wait for benefits to show to start to improve your life, because if benefits don’t show or maybe you relpase a lot, at least you are doing something to improve your life no matter what. At the end it’s better to relpase a lot and have a more meanningfull life, than just being free of pmo for 120 days without having done anything…

Now my next posts are going to be more focus on my week.

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I enjoyed your story.
Very inspiring and awesome.

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Day 6 today.
A very bad day, things are not working well in my job, I lost a lot of clients, and two of my business partners said they were going to quit me if there isn’t result at the end of the week, big stress.
I can’t do anything about it because it depends on my bosses and their ability to find a good “product” but they are encountering difficulties at this moment.
I have never been in such a situation were I feel like a failure for my clients and business partners, it is not very comfortable.

little urge this morning and at lunch and big urge at the end of the day, because I wanted to “fly away” from the situation.

I almost failed, but I did conquer my urge, by first feeling my body (getting away from the thoughts) and then thinking what are the positive benefits of abstaining from pmo, in five minute the urge was gone, but also can raise again very easily.

I thought about quitting my job and searching for a new one, but let’s just man up, be strong and grow stronger from this big stress.

Maybe in a latter time, if things don’t improve in my company I will search for a new one.
I don’t know why, but this time I have a lot of urges everyday, not that I am horny, but I have often thoughts about…

On a side note, I also beleive that the universe/presence/world is using this event to give me a message to be more responsible, to accept, and to feel the discomfort.

So today let’s just be proud to keep my enegry inside me no matter the stress that I endure!

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Be uncofortable i live in the unconfortable zone we have become great friends, when we search for too much comfort we end up getting the opposite.

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Yeah be friend with the uncomfortable, pretty good advice, a lot of time I fall in the comfortable zone, and I end up just wasting time.

Today I relapsed, the urge was big this morning, and willpower has it’s limits.

I am thinking about new tactics, such as being more productive, and using my time more efficiently.
It’s seems that people who succeed on nofap are people who are very busy and not procrastinaiting.

I am going to do just that.
Medidation right after this post!

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Will power has no limits, thats just the lazy side of us no there are no limits into what we can achieve if we want to :arrow_double_up:

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Day 5
I have been procrastinaiting a lot weekend, I geeked a lot.
It’s a been a long time that I have done that, but you really see how useless it is at the end of the week-end, a lot of time wasted

Here I am now day 5 feeling better. I had urges this morning, but when the idea begin to pop in the mind I said no. I think it is the best way to deal with urges, do not let them occupy your mind, if you do so you give them energy and after it’s harder to think about Something else.

I plan on doing a one hour meditation (15 minutes exercices and 45 minutes breathing without pause) every morning for fifteen days. I am already doing 30 minutes in the morning and fifteen in the evening. I started the one hour this morning it was really good.

My guitar practice is failling a bit, I need a plan for that. I would welcome advise from people who have strugged to do a task that is cool to master but in the moment often feel boring and “difficult” (like guitar for me lol)

Let’s do the biggest steak ever ! no P and M for life!

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Day 6

Urges this morning, I peek at some picture but immediately stopped and say no to the urges. after saying no a few times the urge was gone.

Time to be a big boy.
A big boy doesn’t fap or Watch P, he enjoys real interaction, and if he has no sexual intercourse for 6 month or more, he is fine with it.

A big boy doesn’t let the urge control him, meaning : when an urge appear in his mind, he immediately says no to it and think/switch to something else, He doesn’t try to talk or find argument against it, because he knows that doing so he gives more energy to the urge event though he clearly proves his mind that relapsing will have a negative impact on him.

A big boy knows that all addiction exist because of a desire of fleeing from an emotion (often time only recognised as a difficult situation)
So he tries is best not be better at feeling better, but to better at feeling EVERYTHING.

A big boy put his focus on daily thing to do, living day by day, and doing fullfilling things that will bring hapiness in his life. He knows that the best way to reach a goal is to focus on the now.

A big boy despite everything is not a robot, he can fall but rise again, and again and again, because he knows that perfection doesn’t exist. Sometimes he can even loose his balance and be close to falling on the ground (watching some pictures, edging…) but when he realises that he regain focus, say no, and stand still again.

Just some thoughts.

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Relapsed on day 9
The reason I spend (too much) time here so it doesn’t help to focus on other things in my Life.
Second reason I often take a look at photos on internet… Which keep the level of urge very high.
So now I plan keeping two streak, number og days without pmo, and number of days without taking a look at sexy picture or something like that.

And seriously reduce the amount of time spent here.

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So true !!! This app is addicting and keeps us focused on pour struggle :sleepy:

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