Losing Control & Benefits

Hi everybody,
I am a newbie here. Today installed this app. Sometimes you cant tell others your feelings in real world. Sometimes it is not wise when you keep on breaking your promises especially those done to your wife.

Yes, i edged again & again
It all began on day 11th, i couldnt control myself that day and watched an erotic music video on TV. The next day i lost more control and watched sexy erotic videos on youtube for an hour.
At night i was full of guilt and literaly crying. I confessed all that to my wife and got some relief. On 15th day i again lost my control. I told all the story to my wife. She rebuked & slaped me. I deserved that. Again i made promises with myself and watched some nofap motivational videos, i was back on track.
The shit didnt end and i eat the shit again on my 20 and 22nd day of nofap.

Effects of edging on me :

  1. Lost of confidence.
  2. Lost of control over my body.
  3. Lost some precum.
  4. Lost the inner peace.
  5. Fear and social anxiety returns.
  6. Reduced Motivation.
  7. Procrastination.
  8. Eating like a donkey.
  9. Close to a Relapse.
    10.Sexual Day dreaming

a picture comes to my mind to describe edging
images(2)
In this picture the man is standing over two motorbikes. He has a huge chance of opening his crack in the middle of the road :laughing: Similarly Edging is a Risky path. It is like a time bomb sooner or later you will explode. Either choose this side or that side. Dont travel on two motorbikes. Ride on one. It will be much safer.

》What is nopmo ?
Step 1. No porn.
Step 2. No masturbation.
Step 3. No Orgasm.
All 3 steps are connected to one another. For an addict, it is impossible to do step 1 and and not do other steps. Porn always leads to final step that is orgasm.

☆ What is Porn ?
Any Erotic stuff like videos, photos, audio, magazines, sexy literature which you used to expel your energy(sperms) out is porn.
Hence Step 1 no porn must be avoided at all cost

⚕ What is Orgasm ?
Release of Energy is Orgasm.
Orgasm makes me weak and weaker everytime i do it.

… i am on my 22nd day of Semen Preservation. My goal is Celibacy.
Because i want to discover all the truth about 7 chakars of energy in our body. I also want to know about the 7 levels of mind.
I want to know about the truth of Enlightenment and the molecular body. The supreme state of Brain when it connects with the all mighty.

This video saved me today :

5 Likes

First of all, and I know this is off topic, but your wife has no right to put her hands on you. Had the genders been reversed, you’d be in the back of a squad car. You did not deserve to be physically assaulted.

Anyways, Most of the men on this forum were in the same place that you’re in now, so you came to the right place. You won’t find any judgement here.

My code is cf9a15. There’s tons of great guys here who can lend you support.

As for the symptoms that you’re describing, I understand the feeling all too well. My advice is - for the first few days of rewiring - it’s probably best to remove yourself from the internet altogether. It may seem hard at first, BUT remember, humans lived without internet for thousands of years. It’s only for the first few days. Turning off the WIFI on your phone might help as well, if the temptation is so strong.

In the mean time, I would also recommend learning to forgive yourself. It isn’t easy, but self loathing and low confidence is the biggest reason that people fall into addiction. According to life Coach Craig Perra, “All negative behaviors are a function of your unmet needs, and the biggest unmet need is lack of love for self.” It’s cliche, but if you work on a better self image, then your likelihood of turning to porn will become minimal.

But more importantly, I think I notice where a part of the problem may be lying:

It sounds to me - and I could be wrong - that having a wife who reacts this way is NOT helping. Listening to a condemning voice that resorts to violence seems to connect with the decrease in confidence, not to mention porn addiction.

You ask what is Porn? I’ll give you my definition:

Any Erotic stuff like videos, photos, audio, magazines, sexy literature which you use to satisfy the existential desire for female validation.

If a woman doesn’t validate you, you won’t willingly have sex with you. If she rejects you, then she is making it clear that you didn’t live up to her expectations for whatever reason, and just one look at the incel community will reveal how damaging that can be to the male psyche over time.

Someone who hits you and shames you is obviously not a good (or reliable) source of validation, and humans have a funny way of resorting to other, less constructive means of simulating the needs that they feel they aren’t getting from a healthy source.

Think of a young boy from a fatherless household who joins a gang. The need for a male role model, protector, and mentor is hardwired into him, and since he never had that, he’ll search for it in other places.

I’m not trying to be an arm chair psychologist, nor am I claiming to know what your addiction history is like, but do think that there’s a correlation, based on what you’ve said?

PM me if you ever feel like edging again.

4 Likes

@anon31780630

What books will you recommend to have knowledge like you on topics such as marriage/Men’s rights etc?

I actually don’t read very much on the subject of marriage or men’s rights, although I’m sure I’ve given that impression.

However, from my own reading list, I recommend the following:

  1. Men on Strike, by Helen Smith PhD
  2. The Manipulated Man, by Esther Villar
  3. The Book of Zed the Zen Priest
  4. After Marriage, by Elizabeth Brake

In the third book I listed, there’s an entire reading list offered by the author towards the very end:

Robert Bly, Iron John
Orson Scot Card, Ender’s Game
Warren Farrell, The Myth of Male Power, Why Men Are the Way They Are
Andrew Kimbrell, The Masculine Mystique
Jack Kammer, Goodwill Toward Men
Sam Keene, Fire in the Belly

Hope this helps friend!

2 Likes

Its not that serious bro.
My wife gave me a light slap. She cares about me more than any other on this earth.
She has high hopes on me.
I have broken my promises many times. I deserved that.

Today again the Urges came but i didnt submit myself. I rised above those urges. Edging is a kind of mini relapse to me. I am gonna consider it as a lose.
But anyway i am back on track.
Thanks.

No one would be saying it was just that bad if the genders were reversed. But oh well, to each his own.

I’m glad to hear that you’re back on track. I nearly relapsed this morning.

Did you edged ? …

Not really. I haven’t seen porn in weeks. It’s just morning wood really gets me in the morning. Nothing a shower won’t fix.

Love the avatar btw

2 Likes