Looking for a companion on this Journey

Hello, I’m 32 years old and I still fighting to leave porn addiction. I need a partner to be accountable. I’m resposible person with respect for other people’s time and life experiences and I look for someone similar.

I feel like painful emotions from my childhood and current life not being the way I wanted contribute to me seeking porn. I also think I need a long time without porn to able to grasp the reality of sex and sexual experience. I have recently installed porn blockers on my devices and I have been able in many ways to reboot for around a month. It’s been really eye opening to know how distorted my view of sex have become because constant use of porn and also how my emotions are chanelled into this addiction. I want to be in charge of moving my life in the right direction and I want to face my emotions as they come and not to anestheziate anything with fake pleasure. I want a meaningful life with joy and full of experiences. I want also to be more emphatic and industrious. I want to be more clear headed and less obssesed with stuff I can’t change.

Anyways today I relapsed and I feel weird. I have not been concious of my addiction in a long time and it is hard to realize that I’m carrying this around. I want to awaken from this experience and I hope someone can join me too.

I will keep using this site as a journal I guess.


I’m trying to cut down on my usage on this app, but I can still be here every day at least once or twice to help you out when needed. I don’t have to be the only one to help you though. Feel free to find a few other people that will maybe be on here more than me like @SirTryHard
Just let me know how I can help!

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Thank you for the offering man. If needed I can also be here if you want support.

I have never been part of this forum but I think that now I need to write down my emotions to be able to reflect on them.


Hi. I’m not interacting in this forum like months ago but you can also count on me. Porn addiction for me unfortunately have been a way to run away from pain, stress and other several problems due to anxiety other things. I’ve lost interest in several good activities during the time but I’m giving the best of me, despite this “best” is not what I expected like to be.

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Thank you jose, I’m reading Russel Brand book about adiction that’s why I found the important of a partner in this journey. I hope I can be helpful to you as well.

I’m approaching life from multiples perspectives even if addiction is in the back of those perspectivrs. Excersicing, cold shower, putting into remission my autoinmune illness, being more organized toward my goals and I feel that those things have change my perspectives and have helped me a lot to me more emotionally healthy but still the addiction is more powerful that I though it was and I need help to be able to fight this not alone because it seems an overwhelming task.


I understand you. I’ve been always fighting alone, knowing this forum and app are helping me a lot despite the distance.

My routine is not very good about what I would like to do to help with the addiction. I always tend to spend more time working and studying and don’t give too much importance to have some exercises and other healthy habits. The price I’m paying are some health issues as well.

Is the book you mentioned called “recovery”? I started reading “easy peasy”, a well known book here, but I stopped just because I was feeling discouraged.

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hey mate :wink: welcome!

first of all is it is great you came here to share and in search of a support network!
you gat a good one here if you are willing to share and grow here is a good space for that i have only been here for a couple of weeks but it helped me get my life a bit mor ein order and deal with the PMO addiction xD.

what exactly is your understanding/wishes of an acountabilty partner?

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Yes, that’s the book! Healthy habits helps a lot. Excersicing for me helps to clear my mind and also since you have to push your will power to do it, also feels like you have accomplished something during the day. Being along and just working and studying makes me hyperfocused on my mind. Doing things for your body makes you aware of thing outside the boundaries of your inner emotions thoughts, etc.

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Hey man, thanks for the support!

Since I started reading “Recovery” by Russel Brand, one of the steps of his program is to confess to you can trust how fucked you are. Basically what are the emotions you have inside you that you carry around. Not sure what happen next but that is one of the listed steps. Currently I’m writing why I think I use porn to anestheziate my emotions.

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Yesterday and the day before yesterday I watched porn. Even though I had my porn filters on, I was able to fin a way to get to weird porn webpages with keywords in spanish. I have been using keywords in spanish in the duck go go when I had the impulses to watch porn, in a way it helped me to stop the habit because since the filter was on, it was difficult to find porn and I gave up after a couple of minutes of scrolling and not finding real porn videos. These two day though was different, I persisted more tha usual and I found porn videos and relapsed with pmo. Also these two day were kinda more stressful in regard to my relationship with my gf. I have a long distance relationship and it is hard to deal with it since we live in different time zones. Being physically lonely contributes to me feeling more anxious and looking for porn. I love my gf but the circumstances of my relationship is hard on my emotions.

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I’m sorry you relapsed, but start again and give your best. I don’t believe that blockers and filters because when you choose to relapse it happens despite several efforts because you’re alone. From my point of view is more effective you try to develop new ways to use technology, if possible do not using when you’re by yourself or in some specific hours in day, but I guess in your case you live alone, what makes you more vulnerable. I think if you’re not dealing well with urges you should talk to some friend or even people here in forum, not especially about the addiction itself but just talk might help you to keep away from these contents. Hope this helps somehow.

Thanks for the support!

Yes, talking to a friend can help. Currently I live as an expat in Germany, I’m from Ecuador, and even thought I have some friends, I don’t feel like telling friends here about my addiction. I videocall and chat with my friens from Ecuador though, but I feel they don’t understand me being addict to porn since they watch porn and are not addicted to it. I love my friends but I think it’s more difficult for someone that have not experience this problem to really understand it fully.

Also I think our experience growing affects how we feel about porn. I remember being a kid and looking for porn magazines, dvd with porn movies or waking up late in the middle of the night to watch cable channels with porn, all this hidden from my parents obviously. Somehow I feel that this idea of doing something hidden gives me a rush of dopamine and have influencef how I react to porn. I guess everybody that have watched porn experience something similar in that regard, but maybe because I was part of a religious family I feel more the emotional rush of being a sinner or the guiltyness after wards because I have sinned. Not sure, but I alway try to think why some people doesn’t get hooked on porn.

Also I’m changing the way I use my cellphone! :slight_smile: i think you are right about that being a huge problem for relapse.

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