I can’t even keep going clean for more than 2 days. I’ve been relapsing. Obsessed with gay porn chats and porn. I’m working from home but waste an hour or two a day on that. I get up and fall - a never-ending viscious cycle. How to break it? What’s worse, I’m in my 40., married, a dad. Should I just give up?
Nah don’t give up man, never too late to turn your life around and surprise yourself. I remember the days where i was counting the number of hours between relapses as there was no chance I’d make it more than a day or two clean, it took me a looong time to get to a point where I was counting weeks. Sounds like pornography is putting you in a bad place, quitting it will make your life better. It’s not gonna be easy but trust me when I say you need tk be patient, and I mean reeeal patient. You’ll slowly but surely see progress but it takes time. Do it for your wife, your kid, but most importantly yourself
Man, sorry to hear about the transition from Straight to Gay stuff. You’ve got to take action right now.
If you’re relapsing because you’re working at home. Try to visit the office if not possible to go to a coffee shop or a park to get your work done outside the home. Reduce screen time as much as possible. Man, you’re married and have a kid as well so that you have intimacy with your partner and play with your kid, that’s so much blessing your dopamine and serotonin would be fine there itself unless some issues are going around in the family. Some People fighting this habit here don’t have friends to hang out with. Or you can go out with friends or family casually or even start a sport. Take up the chores at home to assist your wife.
Plan your next 3 days as if there is no free time. Once you’ve reached 3 days target 7 days and they 21 or 30. Most importantly don’t stay inside a room alone for a long time. These unnatural desires would eventually go away with time.
And yeah block the access of those sites or social media that you visit for a while. An app called Eset Parental Control is a great tool to block access.
Bro being gay is not unnatural and maybe he is bi or just like watching gay sex for example some people like watching lesbian porn, does that mean they are lesbian…?
Thanks for that planning advice though it will be helpful to me too
@JimJones Msg me In private !! We can make a detox plan !! For you
And yes it’s true , visuals like porn. Or type of porn watching for a long time can influence anyone leaving him/her in doubt !!
I just typed this in my chats with @NFMan, just copy pasting with some edits… See if it works for you.
What happens is to any addict brain is, its like we are two people… One is our head, other is our heart… Head is addicted, our heart wants best for us. While head, it just wants its dopamine… So basically it doesn’t listen to us… When the urges hit, our head stops our heart from talking… So only head speaks, even if heart talks, head has counter arguments… because remember, his back is against a corner, it just needs it daily dopamine…
Head uses, a lot of stuff, especially our weakness against us to make us relapse. The key is to know that even during an urge even when we are in an actual crisis… A situation where theres none doing our talks for us… Head even creates crisis like study or moody or whatever… There are countless things it can do… Just know that…
When it happens, I tell my head… Dude you are doing it again. Alright, bring it on, just know that, no matter what you say, I am just not relapsing, I know your tricks. So then the head shuts up, heart takes control… It tries again next time, same happens… Sometimes head almost wins but I figure out at the last moment… Which is us coming to reality…
Its generally not a common notion, doesn’t work that way I know but just giving u how its like…
Or you can think… Head is like a child, it wants what it wants and it shout cries breaks all of it… While the adult which is us have to know its tantrums instead of giving it what it wants.
People combine head and heart and say I am feeling like relapsing and they relapse… So I dissect into two… Head wants to relapse, I want to quit… So I want to win… So, I say, okay my head wants dopamine…but its in my control as it’s a part of my body… So no, not today… Suffer if you want but I am not giving your dopamine dose.
Just go on a long streak not caring what happens to you along the way. I call it, ’ the whatever happens scenario’
Imagine worst thing that could happen, physical, emotional or external factors , and I say, even if That happens, I would not relapse… So I am essentially eliminating excuses that will make us want to relapse…
Thank you for these wise words. I want to be so decisive and persistent. That’s what counts.
Are you sure? Dude, he’s not the first one to get sucked on Gay porn from straight. Pornography is a culprit in Itself. The more you watch the more different kinds you wanted. The brain would want more and more. I bet if he does a 90-day reboot on a hard mode clean, the first thing he would want to do is to have Se* with a woman. The dude is 40 years old with a kid, so you can imagine how much porn he might have consumed. Getting into Gay porn is not natural neither it should be labeled as Bi, if he’s a Christian he would know. Dude has to stop messing around and get his act correct. I hope he gets clean.
I meant it’s normal being gay but if the porn is takinga a toll over his sexuality then he should stop watching it and fantasizing about it…earlier i thought he maybe a bisexual and is married but like gay porn more than straight
I’m gay, if you’re asking. Though I always wanted to have a regular family and children.