The greatest ever- The final frontier's diary

Diary
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753

Guys. I am back here.

I have a confession to make.

Many of you might be thinking that I am doing well and am possibly even free from this addiction.

But it has gotten worse. To be honest, the last few days I have been masturbating every day and even multiple times during the day.

I have realized that I cannot do this. I have wasted my entire life masturbating. I could have been so much more. I could have achieved so much more. I have tried to quit. But failed.

Maybe I did not try hard enough. Maybe I did not want to be free. Maybe I did not want it bad enough. But now I do not even feel guilty about fapping. I do not feel the drive. When I feel urge, I just go there and fap.

This is the reality of my life. Few years ago I realized that I was an addict. I was already losing my hair. But it was very slight and I was skeptical if it was due to fapping or just generally. Today I can confirm that I fapping has caused hairfall. I have lost all my hair. On longer streaks I experienced slight hair growth as well. I am pretty sure I will be bald in a year or so if I do not stop with it. I have lost all the hard earned muscle that I worked so hard at. My memory is poor. My concentration is poor. On the outside people consider me as a hard working and sincere dude. And many even respect me for my work ethic. But the truth is that while people are thinking I am working hard, I am probably masturbating half of the time. And I have not been able to quit, This is bad. But I do not feel bad at all. I do not know why. I do not feel guilty. Perhaps this is the danger of fapping. It makes you complacent and lose your drive.

I have huge aims. I know my potential. And I am not even 0.00001 % of my true self when I am fapping. I have seen that I can do great things. I see other people younger than me reaching great heights and I realize I could have been there. But I wasted my life. I am already 27 and will be 28 this year. I am below average now. I have Erectile Dysfunction and I do not have skills to attract women. I am not disciplined on my goals. I do not know if I will be able to do anything significant the rest of my life. To be honest, I am disappointed with myself. I wish I stopped after the first time I fapped and I realized that it is not a good thing. I always knew it was bad. But I got hooked to it. It is worse than a drug.

Now I could go on and on saying all the negative things about PMO and I should. But what’s the point ? I am hooked to it.

But the truth is that it is my fault. It is my decision. Every single time I take a peek or open up those dirty websites. It is my fault and that is the worst part.

Now I know that writing on this group did help me. But again I do not want to be dependent on any thing external.

I just came here not to disappoint anyone. But to announce that I am not giving up.

Even if I have to suffer for the rest of my life, I will strive to be a Brahmachari. Because I know that once I am successful I will be the GREATEST ever and I am not saying it to boost my ego. I want to be the GREATEST because I want to serve the world. I have specific plans and ideas that I want to realize in this world. And for that I have to improve my level and strive to tbe the greatest otherwise it is not possible to serve.

Here is my announcement today :

23rd FEBRUARY 2021

I ANNOUNCE THAT I WILL NOT WATCH PORN, MASTURBATE, ORGASM OR EVEN THINK OR TALK ABOUT WOMEN, I.E. FOR 3 YEARS STRAIGHT I AM GONNA PRACTiSE STRICT CELIBACY.

I HAVE ALREADY STOPPED EATING ONIONS AND GARLIC. I AM GONNA FOLLOW 3 YEARS OF FULL CELIBACY TILL I AM FREE FROM LUST AND CAN FOCUS MADLY TOWARDS MY GOALS.

I KNOW THIS WILL BE SUFFERING AND I AM READY TO ENDURE THAT.

That’s it. I am leaving. And I will only post on this forum after 3 years to announce that I am successful.

I know I have said it many times before. But this time IT IS SERIOUS.

What other option do I have ?

I know the consequences !

IT IS MY FAULT.

4 Likes
754

Bro, I suggest you don’t leave the forum for atleast 60-90 days. Visit the forum atleast once a day. That should work; the accountability, motivation, support and help we recieve here is what usually keeps us afloat. We all have tried hundreds and thousands of times to conquer this addiction alone but none of us succeeded in doing that. I don’t know, maybe some people can. Whatever, accountability helps a lot; you already know it from experience.
Report your routine here daily. Be accountable and reach 90+ days. Then you’ll have control over your addiction then leave the forum. you won’t waste much time by sending 30-45 mins in the forum per day.
At the end of the day it is much better than wasting our life on pmo.
Work hard; you can succeed

These words should come from the heart; from deep within. Then only you can conquer this addiction. If this is another blank promise then there is no use.
We all are together; all of us are suffering. Endure it and also remember it is never too late. You have only started your life. You can live till 70-80 years if you take care of your health and maintain positive thoughts. You can achieve anything in this time. Spend time wisely bro…

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756

I know exactly how that feels. Every word. I too have big goals and I’m badly disappointed by myself. But we have to hold on. That is the only way.
I hope you also feel if you give up on your goals there will be no meaning of life. We can’t live like this. These goals are supposed to be your lifelines. And that’s why you have to hold on.

3 Likes
757

My biggest regret would be not living up to my fullest potential.

758

I am not to judge. I am still in the process of leaving the addiction.

But seems to me you are ignoring most of the advice here people are giving you. Some of the advice I got from @Tagore has been really helpful for me.

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759

I am WEAK. And I do not believe that even after all this while I am struggling with streaks of maximum 7-10 days after which I relapse badly again.

@Tagore I wanted to be strong enough to do it alone. But the truth is I am not. I have wasted my life with this addiction.

I am taking it slow now and get back momentum,

I am taking a small 7 day challenge and I will post here every day at the end of the day.

What I will post >
SUCCESS = TRUE / FALSE That’s it

SUCCESS = TRUE means
No
P - No Porn, edging, nude models or watching women online
M - No fap
O - No orgasm in any way
W - No single thought of woman is allowed, lustful or not

Alternative to PMOW
P - Work, yes I will focus 100 % on work
M - Workout
O - Meditation and chanting God’s name
W - Work

That’s it. And also I will not reply to anyone. Because writing on this forum is also a waste of my time.

I will just follow the following template and go away :slight_smile:

DAY 0
SUCCESS : TRUE / FALSE
QUICK COMMENT (Max 1 sentence) :

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760

Read Easy peasy hackbook, it will help you.

1 Like
761

Thats The Sprit Giving Up Is Just And Excuse…We All Will Kill This Addiction

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762

bro, you had a huge streak before! don’t underestimate yourself! conquer yourself and bring the true self inside of you!

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763

If you think about something too much, It ll be the only thing that ll be on your mind.

Look, were all normal people. Extremity in anything isn’t a smart option (For most people). I clicked on the thread as the title interested me. So needless to say your extreme approach is extreme, but its for a good reason.

Problem is not thinking about women. Its about objectifying them. Which watching porn does. So focus on giving up porn first and later you can stop thinking about women.

3 Likes
765

Bro, use the forum. Just use it for maybe 30-60 days. Thousands of times I used to try to conquer this addiction alone; Iam also weak willed in controlling the addiction but with the help of this community i’ve had a 100+ streaks, 70+ streaks and currently a 60+ days good run in less then an year. Iam extremely grateful to this community because without the help of all our great companions I would never have done it. Its real hard.
But as you said, leaving the forum should be our final goal. We should be self accountable and for that you must have a clarity. You must sit atleast in the driving seat of your life. In 60 days you’ll get there if you don’t peak and don’t fantasise. Currently Iam getting very less sexual thoughts and I am really in control of my life. I use the forum at 10 just to report in my diary. I’ve unsubscribed from all the threads in the forum.
Be wise. Spending 40-60 mins in the forum per day is much better than wasting your life on pmo.

4 Likes
766

DAY 0 : FAIL
COMMENT : Just came across a beautiful woman’s post on my feed and clicked it and I will reset my batch because its NOPMOW challenge.

1 Like
767

Uninstall every social media app…use only whatsapp…it was the Key For My Nofap Journey…May be you will say no problem I can handle instagram…Trust Me brother That app is a shit …uninstall it ASAP!!

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768

This is something I really need… I also want to join you in your way and want to take the same challange

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769

DAY 0 :
FAIL
COMMENTS : I didnt fap or touch my junk but I want to not think of women and I did stop by my news feed to get a second glance at a beautiful woman, hence a FAIL

1 Like
770

Bro. This seems to be extreme. Bro don’t be so hard yourself from start. First just do the PMO. Also in modern times women are part of our day to day life. You can’t completely ignore them. Sometimes they can be your best friend. I know a girl here who lives with a guy in his room but there relationship aren’t sexual. But they do help each other in many different ways.

4 Likes
771

DAY 1 :
SUCCESS
COMMENTS : Thoughts of women and sex did come at multiple times during the day but I did not give in.

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772

Yesterday would be FAIL not success, I touched my D in the night. Sorry. Today is Day1 again and I would be careful. I am done with this shitty life.

773

Are you not interested in nofap or not?
You are taking it as a joke and not following what other people are advicing you.

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774

Brother Mark My Words" with this attitude you are going nowhere. It will lead you in more depressive states. I have been through your phase. I used to mark in almost all calenders and the four walls of my room…all i have marked and written AKHANDA BRAHMACHARYA…AKHANDA BRAHMACHARYA…AKHANDA BRAHMACHARYA…Brahmacharya is a very strict discipline…you should be very watchful about ASTANGA MAITHUNA…which is nearly impossible for modern day jobholders or householders…But nofap is relatively easier process…first practice 1000 days of nofap…and then eventually practice AKHANDA BRAHMACHARYA…Any decisions you take when you are in mentally troubled and unstable state will doom you…Iam not discouraging you…but just warning you about the danger…as i have been through your phase…Your mission of Akhanda Brahmacharya should not be only to get and mate high quality girls…they are the by- product…they will automatically come…your main motto should be to grow in purity…in chastity…in selfimprovement and in service…Sorry for giving unasked advice but i cannot ignore someone who is moving toward the darkest well…Plus, brother i want you to prove me wrong and succeed in your streak. Still iam saying…this is not the correct approach…You will fail again and again. Iam sorry to write this"

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