Kaito_Kid's Diary- Goals, Thoughts and Promises

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Hello FRIENDS. Im Kaito Kid .( 17 M , Indian) Here on NOFAP JOURNEY. Here in this diary , I will share my thoughts, goals , motivational contents and targets and promises , and how i rewarded myself upon completing the targets

My Quotes -

I had my eyes opened. I came to realize that I have more to offer this world ( As a scientist and inventor ) than just doing things that wet my pants up.

I take NOFAP, not as an Obligation but as an Opportunity to EXCEL in LIFE -< Kaito_Kid1412 >

18 May 2019.

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I want to be a GREAT SCIENTIST AND INVENTOR Im passionate about technology .

My Favourite HERO

My Favourite Scientist and Inventor

I promise myself , one day definitely I will become as great as they are, Even if it means Leaving my USELESS ADDICTION .

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My target 1

GOAL Complete 10 days NOFAP
REWARD Avengers Endgame movie and ice-cream
PUNISHMENT 30K.M. Cycling in 2 hours

STATUS Completed on 28 May 2019

REMARKS DO OR DIE

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In my view, when in real life… this situation will come… Then only this habit can be left.

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Important Reminder for Myself 1

Your worth is not measured in likes, comments, notes or followers; but in your ability to love, keep comments to yourself, take note and lead. - Quora

Likes, Loves, Up-votes, and @ ,you get, NEVER decides your worth. Your worth is decided by how much you Love ,Care and Respect yourself and your dear ones.

Above was posted -To stop my addiction of frequently and uselessly opening the Forum due to insatiable thirst for likes and comments.

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Feelings After Relapse, Just to remind me at the right time

  1. Lower self-esteem as I couldnt meet my expectations
  2. Loss of energy and enthusiasm
  3. Extreme Fatigue
  4. Loss of Interest in Studies
  5. Extreme Pain in Back
  6. Extreme intolerable burning sensations in private parts leading to sleepless night
  7. Extremely blurry vision
  8. Pain in testicles and pe^is
  9. Poor Concentration
  10. Restlessness and frustrations
  11. Decrease in Confidence
  12. Sleep less Nights
  13. Wastage of TIME and MONEY
  14. Loss of excitement
  15. Loss of true pleasure in Life
  16. Disrespect to my health , life and goals
  17. Se^ual fantasies pestering mind
  18. Wet pants, clothes and super Bad smell
  19. Infection near pe^is
  20. Loss of lots of vitamins , minerals and Significant loss in Zinc and Cadmium.( acquired after healthy diets of food for week)
  21. Head ache intolerable
  22. Severe itching in private areas, uncontrollable, intolerable

Last Relapse Reason
Hands shaking by themselves. Extreme stomach pain for dose of dopamine. A little extent of fantasies. Mind in confusion as 5 days elapsed. Mind pestering me with pleasurable flashbacks

What could have been done

STOP THINKING
Thinking leads to confusion. And when mind is confused, it takes , easiest path. Stop thinking. Distract your mind. Do what you are doing.

Conclusion

Stop thinking. Dont think that you are NOFAP forever. Thinking this will lead to Super Urges. Just Focus on Work and Stay busy

" Masturbation is like Procrastination. Initially seems Wonderful but later it appears that you fu^ked up yourself" - quote

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If i give you my reasons… you would get a panic attack.
Save yourself kid.

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I had my eyes opened. I came to realize that I had more to offer this world than just making things that blow up. -< Tony Stark >

I had my eyes opened. I came to realize that I have more to offer this world ( As a scientist ) than just doing things that wet my pants up. -< Kaito_Kid1412 >

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Flatline

Its Day 2. Today , Im feeling extremely disinterested in whatever Im doing. I have lost the zeal , energy and enthusiasm. Everything is too boring to tolerate. Head aches are ruining me. Moreover , I cant focus on my studies !

A New Habit

Since last week , I had developed a habit of enjoying the beauty of nature to forget my painful past as fast as possible

Everyday , I admire the greenery of trees as I watch them from my balcony.
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<Not my balcony, but similar to this>

Everyday I watch the Moon , and its shine , before going to bed.
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How it felt before relapse? On Day 5

Before my previous relapse, It used to be difficult for me to turn away my eyes from the nature’s extreme beauty . I used to be spellbound to the Beautiful Shine Of Moon. I loved it , spending time in the lap of nature.

" A thing of Beauty is A Joy Forever. "- Keats

Feelings After Relapse ( Day 2)

Im Not getting the same HIGH as I used to get earlier

Now It feels like Nature has lost its beauty

It has lost its ability to hold me. But thats Not Truth Entirely. Most appropriately, I have lost the ability to hold ON the beauty of Nature

Last Night, it was FULL MOON
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The Bright Moon
in the Dark sky
still shines .
Its pretty, But
its Not beautiful.

The Vast Nature
is still the same,
Lush and green,
But Not beautiful.

Birds are still
chirruping ,
But Now
Its Not Melodious

Everything is
As it was,
still the Same
I have Only changed

Its for the first time in my life , I realised how things changed drastically after relapse.
NEVER expected a Relapse will COST me so much.
A bit of cheap pleasure at the cost of Infinite true pleasure of Nature.

For the first time in my life , I realised the difference between PRETTY and BEAUTIFUL . My last relapse and new habit have given me a new deeper insight.

Masturbation is all about external happiness. It is LUST not LOVE , EXTERNAL not INTERNAL, FAKE not REAL.

As John Keats said" A thing of Beauty is A Joy Forever " There is No Forever Joy in Masturbation, means that Thing of Beauty is Not Real

All What I can Do NOW is to Wait and patiently give the time required for reboot

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So Its just gonna take time !!!

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Important Reminder for Myself 2

1. Never forget why you are writing diary

Don’t expect love and likings from others. Don’t Write Diary because others are gonna like it. Do it for yourself.
When you do a thing for the sake of doing it, without getting tempted by the result ,you are gonna make a Masterpiece

2. Love yourself to love others

Start Loving yourself. Love , care and respect yourself. On doing so, You become a better Person. When you become Better , the lives of All those who depend on you improves leading to welfare of the whole society.

Loving yourself is not selfishness . When you don’t love and respect yourself ,well enough, then you become selfish , as you want others to love you , and you think always about yourself

Masturbation is Injurious to Health. If you really love yourself , Leave it. Dont ruin your health and life

Difference between self-love and selfishness

Just like on an airplane when the attendants say you must put your own oxygen mask on before you help others, it’s kind of the same thing with self-love. The more you embrace self-love and carry the empathy that comes along with it, the more aware you become of both yourself and others
Selfishness is Somehow you put your oxygen mask and not helping others.

Healthy body leads to Healthy Mind

3. Your Family’s well being !

When there is righteousness in heart, there is beauty in the character .When there is beauty in the character, there is Harmony in the home -APJ Abdul Kalam

Righteousness in character is possible only when you leave addictions

4. Walk Alone

Jadi tor daak sunoe kiye Na Aasey , tabe Ekla Chalo Rey
_ Rabindranath Tagore ( Noble laureate, Indian)

Meaning - If someone does not respond to your calling , then continue your journey Alone

Don’t chase people for love and support. Be on your own journey.
The right people will definitely accompany you.

There is Beauty in Solitude. Solitude is the time when you start discovering yourself and Help yourself , and Not ruin your health,

5. Priority

Never set those people as your priority for whom, you are just an option

Good Memories 1

Today I gave BITSAT engineering entrance exam , and scored 350. The cut-off of my dream branch last year was 340. So it feels Nice. Had I been on NOFAP for over a week , I could have easily reached 380.

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Tag me when you complete 21 days
For now … i am unfollowing you.

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@Sahas

I dont mind it. I , too, want solitude.
Ive muted All categories , and cleared all bookmarks

I will too start following you after 20 days.
Its not tit for tat. It was previously planned!

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Musical Hallucinations - WTH

What the Heck ! :nauseated_face:

Today I suffered like Hell. This Musical Hallucinations or stuck song syndrome wasted my one day . One music which I don’t know what and when I heard it last time , kept on ringing in my ears for the whole day. It ruined my concentration.

. My very important examination is on next week and this shit ruined my one day. But that’s not truth entirely. The one who is responsible behind all this is ME, MYSELF

Medical science shows that auditory hallucinations is due to excess of dopamine in the brain. Years of my fapping has degraded my brain due to drastic chemical imbalance. All these days, I thought , I was having fun, but never realised that I was ruining my own health These hallucinations torment me immensely.
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I appeared in many govt exams and this shit ruined all.
The brain needs 90 days and more to reset the dopamine to normal level

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I promise myself that I will complete this 90 days NOFAP challenge, as this hallucination is indirectly ruining my studies which I cannot tolerate at any cost. I will reboot to be great !

Mental Disorders

I have symptoms of OCD and Schizophrenia as well. These two diseases ruin my Normal life. They don’t affect studies much, but

  • due to OCD , I feel compulsive abnormal drive to do skin picking , I need constant assurance from others to validate my activity, I fear public speaking as I might say something wrong , I can’t count things in one go. I need to count them repeatedly to assure that I counted well.
  • due to schizophrenia, I have auditory hallucinations, disorganised behaviour ,compulsive behaviour. False belief of superiority , and strange weird things like the thoughts i think are not my own , or controlled by other. Even if I find something misplaced in my room , I feel like someone from future came and displaced it. I always feel like someone is spying me, mental confusion and I lack ability to do things fast .My speech is incoherent and my response to a particular situation is wrong most of the timesMy thinking has become vague. I think deeply but I don’t think clearly. I keep on thinking and forget what I was thinking.

Dopamine imbalance in brain leads to OCD and Schizophrenia. Im crying now what the hell, I did to my brain in these years of Masturbation

As Im writing this post , I have written the word ‘these’ quite a few times but everytime , I typed it wrong as ‘thses’ , including the one I wrote in this box as well. My cognitive ability has decreased

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Important Reminder for Myself 3

You can NEVER become as great as the one above if you have an obsession to open Rewire Companion forum frequently for likes and comments.

You have got some Important Work to do !

Be obsessed with Studies !

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DAY 0 . Trapped in the cave of PMO !



Now , Today, it’s DAY 6 !!

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I need to work and NOT LOSE HOPE . 1 day remaining . Tomorrow I will be coming out of this CAVE of PMO , the HELL !

I CAN and I WILL

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Yeah I did it ! Completed 7 days of NOFAP. :tada::sparkles::blush::confetti_ball:

First time in last 2 months.

Today at 00:00 hours

Now After 6 hours

Thank God ! Finally Out of the Cave of PMO . Most of the brainfog gone away

I CAN and I WILL

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DAY 8

How was My TODAY ?

- Totally UNAWARE of the Upcoming dangerous URGES in the morning

I fought with all my MIGHT

NOW

I can do this all day !

I can do this everyday !

I CAN and I WILL !

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download

Yeah, Finally did it. Completed the challenge.:tada::confetti_ball::sparkles::grin:** Feels AWESOME !!

Completed 10 Days NOFAP ! For the first time in last 5 months

Watch Me Fly to 1000 Days and Beyond !

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Rewarded

  • Cornetto Unicorn ice-cream Awesome ! :yum:
  • Watched Goodachari movie. 100 times better than Avengers Infinity war
  • Couldnt watch Avengers Endgame as stated due to inevitable problem
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My target 2

GOAL Complete next 10 days NOFAP ( Altogether 20 days)

REWARD

  • Detective Conan- Movie 3- the last wizard of the century Kaito Kid’s first movie
  • Detective Conan Movie 1 - the time bombed skyscraper

PUNISHMENT 30 K.M. cycling and 1000 times skipping

STATUS ONGOING started 28 May 2019

REMARKS

  • Everyday in everyway Im becoming better and better and this change is inevitable. So I need to do this! Change for better

Subtarget 1

Complete 12 days NOFAP ( 2 more days to go) and you can play ‘Project IGI’ and ‘Prince of Persia- Sands of times’ games !

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I love your ways man, I’m a fan of startgies you use to reach your Targets, truley amazing. Wish you the best Kato kid. Btw, what was Your reason for not watching end game?

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