What a blissful day it had been
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Its been 4 months since this happened
The mother cat who is well acquainted with us since a long time kept all her 4 babies in our house and left somewhere only to never return back.
The babies were anguished without their mother
So we took care of the kittens with cat milk, cat protein and secured them a place
They were initially sceptic with us without their mother and kept on meowing as an attempt to call their mother back.
But no she never returned
And the babies got accustomed to us
We took adequate care of them
Then we knew it could not be sustainable for us to pet them
And since our house is filled with Orthodox religious persons, they wouldn’t allow us to continue this
So we contacted blue cross only to find that blue cross is practically redundant in India with many examples of animals dying due to mistreatment and mishandling of blue cross
Then we posted for adoption in instagram.
And got few people interested
But the unfortunate thing was no one wanted to adopt all kitens at once
So these kittens had to be separated and each person was given one
It was heart breaking for us to separate the kittens who till now played with each other, cuddled with each other in the absence of their mother
I only wish them the best wherever they are and pray for their happiness
While the time they were with me, I saw them as my own kids and protected them to the best
Missing them so badly now
God protect them
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I feel like I wanna cry
I feel like dying
I actually went for sleep and woke up to a recurring issue
I haven’t said about this before.
The issue is a huge age gap and huge misunderstandings between me and parents.
They are going through severe physical health and mental health issues due to my sister
And they vent out the anger to me
Use very shocking and hurting words against me
If I say even one word against them, they are crying throughout night
Feeling so guilty
Its happening for a long time
Want to die out of guilt and shame
Can’t take this guilt any longer
Can’t live with guilt
Stuck so much in life
Without an inch of progress
Feeling shameful first hand
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Urge to kill myself and die peacefully before my parents die
Thanks to everyone
PS - Although I can’t die as I don’t have even 1 % courage to kill myself
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This issue keeps recurring between me and my parents
There are several days before I haven’t slept and kept crying throughout all night
Can’t take it any longer
Probably I shouldn’t have been born
Or should have born as a single child
I feel all the pressure put on me because of my parents age and my sister’s life failures
Can’t live like this
Been subjected to this for years now
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Kaisa Bhanwar Adhikaar Ka
Sankalp Hain Sanmaan Ka
Safal Hota Ab Lage
Sangharsh Jab Jitna Kathin Ho
Banta Wahin Aadhaar Ab
Yahi Hain Mera Strii Dharm
Rahega Atal Mera Mann Yagyaseni Ka Yeh Vachan
Rahega Atal Mera Mann Iss Janm Ka Ye Kaaran Sindoori Sandhya Paar Hain
Ye Dharm Yudha Vishaal Hain
Shristi Ke Uss Itihaas Mein
Rahega Atal Mera Mann
Yagyaseni Ka Yeh Vachan
Rahega Atal Mera Mann
Iss Janm Ka Ye Kaaran
Rahega Atal Mera Mann
Yagyaseni Ka Yeh Vachan
Rahega Atal Mera Mann
Iss Janm Ka Ye Kaaran
Rahega Atal Mera Mann
Yagyaseni Ka Yeh Vachan
Rahega Atal Mera Mann
Iss Janm Ka Ye Kaaran
Rahega Atal Mera Mann…
English Meaning: Like a vortex of darkness, it is the oath of my honour. I seemed to be on the threshold of happiness. The harder the challenge, the stronger I must be. This is my dharma as a woman, I must always be strong, this is a promise I must keep. I must always be strong, that’s why I was born. The evening sky has an orange hue and wearing sindoor* /red cosmetic powder/ This dharma is in the whole history of the universe. I must always be strong, this is a promise I must keep. I must always be strong, that’s why I was born. I must always be strong, this is a promise I must keep. I must always be strong, that’s why I was born. I must always be strong, this is a promise I must keep. I must always be strong, that’s why I was born. I must always be strong
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NO I DID NOT RELAPSE
The app had lot of bugs and glitches
So uninstalled it and reinstalled again
Didn’t know the timer will start from the first if uninstalled once
Never mind
Will start from the first stronger and better
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Ik how it feels , if it hurts try to confront your issue , and if it continues ignore them when they say hurtful words to you , you can say “Shree Krishna” whenever this happens this will help you to ignore them and also remind you these words doesn’t mean anything, they are angry and focus on your work , you are far better than this . You are a Great soul !
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Set the last relapse date after clicking on the thumbs down button .
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Thank you sholt
Fortunately set it and its now showing me the end of 10 days soon
Thank you for these kind words
It means a lot
Thank you 
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Actually these are not kind words these are the true words 
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What a BGM 
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Going to listen to Adhitya Hridaya Stotram everyday
Life was fantastic when I listened to it everyday
Now going to start again
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